Information for Families and Friends of People with Anxiety Disorders

It's not always easy to know how to help someone who is experiencing an anxiety disorder. It can be hard to know what to say or do. We all respond to situations and talk about things differently. Here are some tips on how to encourage a person who is unwell get help.

Talk

Taking that first step towards helping a person who appears to be in need requires some thought and care. Choose a mutually convenient time and place.

Listen

Sometimes, when a person wants to talk, they're not necessarily seeking advice, but just need to discuss their concerns. Listening, rather than talking, is a way of understanding how the person feels. This is called active listening. Save any suggestions, solutions or advice for a later discussion and instead, offer neutral comments such as "I can see how that would bother you...".

Body language

Body language plays an important role in helping people feel at ease. Maintaining eye contact and sitting in a relaxed position can help create a comfortable atmosphere.

Use open-ended questions

Open-ended questions are a good way to start a conversation. They require more information and can't be answered with a simple yes or no. Some examples are "So tell me about..?" or "What's troubling you?".

Difficult conversations

Sometimes if people are experiencing the symptoms of anxiety, they may find it awkward to discuss their thoughts and emotions openly. They may even get angry when asked if they're okay.

The following tips may be helpful when having a difficult conversation:

• stay calm
• be firm, fair and consistent
• if you are wrong, admit it 
• don't lose control.

Spend time together

Often, just spending time with the person or talking to them shows that someone cares and understands.

Practical ways to help

People with anxiety may be scared or overwhelmed at the thought of getting help. The type and amount of help that families and friends can provide depends on the relationship with the person experiencing the disorder.

Helping someone who isn't ready to recognise they need assistance may be very difficult.

Below are some DO's and DON'Ts for helping a person with an anxiety disorder.

DO - You can help someone by: 

• spending time talking about their experiences 
• indicating that you've noticed a change in their behaviour
• letting them know you're there to listen without being judgmental 
• suggesting they see a doctor or health professional
• recommending and/or assisting them to make an appointment with a doctor or health professional
• going with the person to the doctor or health professional 
• asking how their appointment went
• assisting them to find information about anxiety 
• talking openly about their feelings
• encouraging them to try to get enough sleep, exercise and eat well 
• encourage them to use self-help strategies. See beyondblue Fact Sheet 10 - Changing your thinking
• taking them out and keeping in touch - as well as encouraging friends and family members to do the same 
• encouraging them to face their fears with support from their doctor/psychologist 
• contacting a doctor or hospital, if they become a threat to themselves or others.

DON'T - It's unhelpful to:

• pressure them to "just relax" or "calm down" 
• stay away or avoid them 
• pressure them to manage how they're feeling with drugs or alcohol
• assume that you can make them feel less anxious 
• help them avoid situations that make them feel anxious 
• assume the problem will just go away.

Advice for Carers

At times, caring for a person with an anxiety disorder can be difficult. It's not uncommon for a carer to experience anger, guilt or fear. Below are some practical tips to help carers look after themselves.

Learn about anxiety disorders

Learning about anxiety disorders helps carers understand why a person with the illness behaves in a certain way. This knowledge may help a carer separate the illness from the person and realise that the person's mood or behaviour may not be directed at anyone specifically.

Take time out

It's important for family members or friends to look after themselves by spending time doing things they enjoy.

Ask questions

In talking about anxiety disorders, use a casual and open approach. Try asking what helps the person feel less anxious. By talking openly, the person will feel they have your support and care.

Talk to someone

When the carer of a person with an anxiety disorder has trouble coping and doesn't want to discuss their problems with family members or friends, it can be helpful to talk to a counsellor.

Caring for someone who has an anxiety disorder can be hard and it can make people feel very isolated. Talking to people who are in a similar situation may be helpful. There are services that provide education and support for carers of people with mental illness.

For more information see beyondblue Information Pack for Carers, Families and Friends of those with an Anxiety Disorder.