I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a place where you can gain other's views.
You are by no means alone in this very distressing circumstances and many here will understand exactly what you are going though.
I doubt speaking you mind and throwing a pillow is anything to worry about and calling a medical professional sounds like a last-ditch attempt to get your huband to try to fight addiction again. Frankly when facing an . addiction one tries everything one can think of, and sadly it does not always work.
From what you say it sounds like this is not a new situation and your husband has relapsed before. Unfortunatly when that happens his thinking is not what you might expect, and it might at the moment seem easier to him to separate rather than try again.
I'm not sure there is one particular answer that always works, I guss the whole basis of recovery is that your husband must want to improve - which is where your support really does come in, and at this stage he does not wish to do that.
Admittedly it is a very hard thing, both the alcohol and the depression. Each need specialist care, however if he has done it before he is the same person inside and can do it again.
30 years is a very long time to be together and in that time each gets to know the other well. That can possibly be an anchor to prevent separation, or to bring back a desire to rejoin if separation does take place.
If you are stumped at the moment is there anyone else, children, family or a friend he might take more notice of?
One other thing that is worth mentioning. During all this time you are undergoing great stress and this needs to be helped, so may I ask what support you personally have? Perhaps someone you can talk frankly wiht or a councilor. It is easy to forget one's own welfare.
You may like to contact our 24/7 Help line on 1300 22 4636 to find out what specific help may be available in your area. Alternatively you can try:
which is set up for the families of those with a drinking problem.
Please let us know how you get on