I am exhausted caring for my wonderful daughter. It's a thing I feel shame to admit. It's been 2years and its been at the point for tge last 6months that I can't pee without her at the door. I can't go get milk without her calling to threaten suicide. I tried to express this to her psychologist who told me that if I can't be team 'daughter' they would be.

I love my daughter. We're in weekly therapy and I'm missing work because she's more important. I hated saying anything but I am at breaking point and I got shamed. I have heard look after yourself- how? That's what I was asking. What now?

Hello Kacey, and a warm welcome to the site.

What you have done for the last 2 years has been phenomenal, something that may not be recognised by many people because they don't know the effort it involves, the constant responsibility and definitely your concern and you should never feel ashamed, you're doing what a loving and wonderful mother would do for the daughter you love.

People say that you need to look after yourself and perhaps by doing this is that you need to share the load you're under by involving the psychologist.

I only say this with the greatest respect for you because sometimes with a parent and a child you may be very careful to offer any suggestion in fear of any repercussions that may happen, whereas if you involved the psychologist it may be in a controlled situation where they can monitor her behaviour but keeping you informed.

This could mean that you seek counselling yourself and by doing this is looking after yourself because it's stopping you from returning to work and wanting to know how she is going.

If you let these professionals help you, then you will know that she is getting all the attention she needs and these people do it another way than how you have done.

My best wishes.

Geoff. x

Hey Kacey,

Thank you for sharing your situation, it sounds like an incredibly difficult one to navigate.

It is clear that you have a deep love and desire for your daughter to be on the road to recovery. It is wonderful that you not only got the help for your daughter, but you also attend sessions of therapy to better understand how to help your daughter.

What you are doing is mighty, but that doesn't mean that you should feel bad for your daughter's current struggle having a toll on your mental health too. It's never easy to see someone you care about suffering and I can only imagine it would be extremely difficult when its your own child.

I think that it might be helpful to talk to a different psychologist by yourself or to engage with the psychologist independent of your daughter too. The focus is centred around you, your thoughts, your feelings and how to best cope with what you are experiencing. If engaging with the psychologist who completes your joint therapy sessions with your daughter, it could be helpful to discuss confidentiality to ensure you what types of information discussed in individual sessions cannot be shared in the joint therapy. Perhaps you might find that discussing your options/what resources are available with your GP is a good place to figure out the route you might want to take/feel comfortable taking.

Whatever you decide, it is evident that you are trying to do the best you can do for yourself and your daughter. I hope that you can both find strength during this difficult time. Wishing you both all the best

- O

Hi kacey

I hear you.

There were times during my daughter’s MH struggles over many years that I just wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole. Loved her to pieces but I really struggled.

Please don’t feel shame—ever. You are doing your best and it is really really hard. This is a safe space for you to speak your truth without the fear of judgment.

I’m so disappointed, but not entirely surprised, to hear about how your daughter’s psychologist spoke to you. It’s so ironic, because at the end of each day it will be you caring, loving, picking up the pieces or offering comfort, not the psychologist. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

I don’t know if these suggestions will help you but here’s some of the ways I got through …

First, I had a great counsellor. In between sessions I called the bb support line. They listened and offered a shoulder to lean on, even in the middle of the night.

I brought three close friends into my circle. I shared everything and they just listened but it really helped to feel less alone.

I also took at least half an hour each day to myself. Most often the only chance I got was when she was sleeping. So, I would have my tea before bed watching the night sky. I don’t know why this was so helpful but it was.

I also became very knowledgeable about my daughter’s condition. I searched for the right people and treatment to help, listened to my instincts and asked a lot of tough questions of the experts.

I didn’t know if my girl would make it, but thankfully she did. It can get better, so you just hang in there.

I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Kind thoughts to you