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Forums / Welcome and orientation / my husband has left and I just dont know what to do

Topic: my husband has left and I just dont know what to do

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. seperatedmum
    seperatedmum avatar
    2 posts
    1 May 2022
    A few days ago my husband left for work, he is a shearer so most of his time is spent away, i sent him a message saying I was upset about a few things and that I wanted to talk and he messaged me back saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, and that he believed we were on different pages and that he didnt love me anymore. we've been together 11 years, since we were in high school, and we have a 2 and a half year old son. I had no idea he was unhappy in that way in our marriage. we had had talks about issues before but they were always resolved, he had mentioned some issues he was having with himself but had always assured me it wasn't our relationship and that he loved me. He told me he's been pretending for over a year, and in that time while he was pretending, we started a business together, so i quit my main job to do that, we had made holiday plans, we had made plans to buy and block and build a home, he said he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do. He kept telling me he loved me, so i didnt know there were changes that needed to be made and because he has come to terms with how hes feeling, he doesnt want to try and resolve them, we've never had couples counselling but he wont do that now because hes already fallen out of love and geniunelly believes that there is no future and the feelings are gone. I don't know what to do, Im in limbo, im still in our house that we rent and i have no choice to leave because financially i know that i cant afford anything else, nor do i know where i would even want to go. Everyone in our life knows him as my husband and I dont know how to go out and live my life as normal because i dont know how to tell people about him when they ask because they always do. I feel like his life is just going on as normal and nothing is changing for him, he just gets to leave and im just stuck, with not many friends because all of my friends are his friends or his family, and I have my family but they cant understand how im feeling, and all they want to do is hate him, and they want me to hate him, but I just cant. Im trying to look after myself but i havent done that in 11 years. i have no hobbies, because all ive been for the past 11 years is a girlfriend, wife and mother. I just dont know what to do, i feel stuck.
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6816 posts
    1 May 2022 in reply to seperatedmum
    Dear separatedmum, Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. This is a safe space to share and express your own feelings, struggles and experiences without judgement.

    Regards

    Sophie M
  3. Mum Chris
    Mum Chris  avatar
    329 posts
    1 May 2022 in reply to seperatedmum

    Hi seperatedmum

    It can be hard sometimes to see that things are so bad because we can get so busy looking after others and making sure their needs are met. Self esteem can get eroded a bit each day and we forget we are important not just them.
    I look back on times in my life that were turning points and wish I’d spent more energy looking after myself.
    Its a very painful time for you and it’s not easy dealing with rejection but you are important. Each day tell yourself nice things and do nice things for you. Eat well and try and sleep. As for your family how would you feel if your loved ones got treated like this.

    I find listening to YouTube psychologist discussing various types of personality and how they behave helped me understand why I was treated badly so Instead of saying how could they treat me like this I finally understood what happened. I was being manipulated and undervalued and I was giving out unconditional love. I’m learning to be tougher and less forgiving and I see a psychologist.

    all the best and keep posting

    MC

    1 person found this helpful

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