Hey Paul, thanks for replying here and for your kind words. I appreciate it all and it all means a lot.
I try to care about others yes, more than myself. I don't think I'm strong at all but thank you. You, Mark (Matchy69) and others are strong not me, but thanks either way.
As for the Psychiatrist, yes you're right but the reason why I wanted to ask him (in a polite non pressurable way) if he can still see me as a patient and explain things about the GP stuff (which is bad, looking for a new GP, just have other stuff on my mind also) is because of me being paranoid for one thing, but just because of how my GP has been treating me, and how my Psychiatrist referred me to the local triage. It made me feel like he doesn't want to work with me anymore which I hope isn't the case and I'm scared, it'll be uncomfortable but I'll try to politely ask. I'll probably end up crying.
Anyway about the triage, I exchanged phone calls with them, and by local I mean 30 mins away since that seems to be the closest triage, or a main one anyway, I don't know. Everyone I spoke to there was rude and they said all they do is admit people but they said i don't need to be admitted which yeah is a good thing. That's offputting anyway, plus when they're all rude, this one guy there on the phone inparticular.
So my parents, GP and I said that they can delete the referral which they did, because I won't be going there and I shouldn't because it's a scary place and it could make me worse (without being harsh and stereotypical). So that was just a misunderstanding with my Psychiatrist because to be honest, I never thought he'd do a referral to there for me. I guess I appreciate it sort of because he's doing his job.
So that's what has made me think he doesn't want to see me anymore, you know? So I won't be going to the triage at all. I don't see Psychologists anymore because I've always had bad experiences with them and none will take me in (some don't bulk bill, some aren't taking new patients, etc etc). So I'd just like my Psychiatrist and my parents and GP agree with this because I trust him and he's helped me.
Perhaps he was just trying to get me help locally since nothing has worked, aswell as helping me himself?
Hes never said to me that he doesn't want to see me again, never said that to my GP either. He did say word for word "I'd like to give you therapy myself rather than prescribe you medication" and he does give me therapy, and I've done the stuff he's suggested.