Hi Moonchild 11:11,
Im really sorry you are going through this I understand it’s distressing and exhausting.
I also used to do what you just explained. I would be terrified that I had something really wrong with me I’d doctor google aswell this would only make things worse…. My anxiety was at severe levels……..
It came to a stage in my life that I found it hard to function with the level of anxiety I was feeling…….. I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder by a psychiatrist……. I was put on a antidepressant to help me to manage my anxiety and I also did a 8 week group therapy ……. The therapy I did was meta cognitive therapy this therapy changed my life……..
I longer do the things that kept me in my OCD cycle I learned what was keeping me in this cycle and I learned how to disengage from these behaviours.
OCD is a vicious cycle.
I have written two threads that you may be interested in reading…
From someone who had OCD and recovered
Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive therapy