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Forums / Anxiety / Anxiety about work, me and life

Topic: Anxiety about work, me and life

16 posts, 0 answered
  1. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    6 April 2019

    This is hard to write. I feel like a failure as I write this and wonder if I will ever gain confidence to work again.

    Management has changed and the environment is awful.

    Under new management I feel targeted (as do other staff) for example I was asked by a colleague for some Panadol during work hours and was advising her of the pain relief, (she is pregnant - I was unsure what she could have). Management came straight up, stood directly beside me asking "is everything alright?" She stood there until my coworker took her choice and I continued work. What upset me is that while my actions were questioned another two colleagues were chatting (one even sitting on the others desk in plain site), and another had talked all day (she has a very loud voice) showing anyone and everyone her phone disagreement with her sister in law, continuing to do so all afternoon also. Neither of these were or are ever spoken to.

    One afternoon I was on lunch, and a manager yelled at me to stop gossiping and get back to work.

    Yesterday I was called into the office and my work was reviewed. The meeting was very formal and I was called out on errors made which I accept full responsibility for. However I am now told if I make these again I will receive a written warning. Other colleagues are making the same errors, one of which I discussed the process with recently and her response was to say she "doesn't give a shit" (same co-worker who never get in trouble).

    Other staff have left, saying they are glad to leave this toxic workplace. One While another has confided in me she has anxiety as a direct result from work.

    I am trying to apply for other work but my confidence in my own ability is gone. I am constantly nervous and trying not to make errors, and anxiety comes along and while i try to ride through the fear, shakes, nausea etc I am so scared I think I will vomit or poop myself at my desk.

    When I look at job sites i am so unsure of myself and my abilities I don't apply for anything for fear I am not able. The jobs I can apply for finish outside my childrens day care hours or affect my arthritis pain.

    I desperately need a new job and immediate confidence in myself but don't feel I am winning this battle or even "floating " through it gracefully. .I have had awful dreams all night and waking continuously.

    I am feeling a failure and bad example to my children.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    6146 posts
    6 April 2019 in reply to Red Robin

    Hi, welcome

    Think of the possibilities Red Robin. A manager could be a power hungry person, he/she might have favourites, manager could have after work relations with some workers (relatives?), they might be wanting to trim staff and pressurizing you to leave and so on.

    The average workplace is a toxic place, that is fact and the was it is.

    What can you do? Well before I get to that- a short story.

    In 1987 I worked in a council and was compromised by mini corruption. I tried to fight it arguing with my boss until a sharp pain came in my chest. I attended my GP- diagnosis heart attack. Off work and 3 months later told it wasn't a heart attack at all it was a panic attack after I went on the walking machine test. I fought the council for a further 8 months risking my health and my marriage and family pressures. I ended up getting the sack and I was the scapegoat. My reward apart from personal satisfaction? One pat on the back from a local service station owner.

    So to put it in perspective- it isn't worth the trouble. Plan to leave as soon as you can secure other employment. Be pleasant so you can preserve any recommendations if a new employer rings them.

    you can learn some relaxation techniques too. See your GP.

    TonyWK

  3. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    7 April 2019 in reply to white knight
    Thank you for the advise.
  4. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    7 April 2019 in reply to white knight

    Thank you for taking the time to reply Tony.

    Much appreciated

    1 person found this helpful
  5. greatoutdoors123
    greatoutdoors123 avatar
    7 posts
    10 April 2019 in reply to Red Robin

    HI Red Robin,

    I am sorry this is happening to you. I had a similar toxic workplace a few years ago. I felt exactly as you described - constantly nervous and so fearful of making a mistake that I made even more!

    It was awful. I wish I had sought help from a psychologist when it was going on, so this is what I would urge you to do. At the time I felt like when I left work I no longer wanted to talk about it, so I didn't want to go to therapy. But the long term effects on my confidence the experience had on me has shown me I should have gone then!

    If it makes you feel any better - you're not alone! These kinds of workplaces do exist and I'm sure a psych or EAP would be able to help you. Remember that the most important thing in life is to be kind, and generous and a good person and I bet you are all three of those things. That is what I focus on when I am feeling low in confidence.

    I hope things get better for you.

    x

  6. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    14 April 2019 in reply to greatoutdoors123

    Thank you for your reply Great Outdoors. I am glad I am seeing a psych, however I almost feel a 1 hour session is not enough for me.😵 It is such a terrible situation because my job role is great. I Love what I do. I enjoy my colleagues. I just do not 'fit' with management. It's so bad I dread Sundays, cannot relax because Monday is next.

    My confidence has been shaken terribly - easy when you have high anxiety to begin with. I feel as though I have no skills or qualities to offer a new work place. My lifelong friends have been so supportive also and reminding me of my skills - work and other.

    I am shutting myself off from my life as i hate the laging awake at night questioning everything I said and did. It is so draining. I am embarrassed about who I am as a person and how I am.

  7. greatoutdoors123
    greatoutdoors123 avatar
    7 posts
    16 April 2019 in reply to Red Robin

    Hi Red Robin,

    I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I'm glad you are seeing a psych, you've taken a big step doing that so you should feel proud!

    I know it isn't much help, but I completely relate to how you are feeling and I have felt that way before. I PROMISE you will feel better eventually and this is just a stormy season in your life. Keep your head up and try to remember that and that you have support around you.

  8. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    17 April 2019 in reply to greatoutdoors123

    In taking steps to improve the issues in my life I have been job hunting. I am happy to say I have a job interview today. I hope that leaving a toxic workplace will help alleviate some of my issues. Unfortunately the hours are20-30 per week. I am hoping it is more 30 as I am going from full time to part-time. However I am so happy at the thought of not being so worried I am going to get a written warning, or be reprimanded I feel so much more positive knowing there is a chance I may not be in my current workplace any longer.

    In thr last few months my confidence in myself and my work ability was almost non existent. I have realised just getting an interview alone has boosted it so much.

    I am scared of the less hours/less money, (I am a single parent) along with interview nerves, it is keeping me awake now. Am I doing the right thing??

  9. greatoutdoors123
    greatoutdoors123 avatar
    7 posts
    18 April 2019 in reply to Red Robin

    Hi Red Robin,

    Good for you getting the job interview! I hope that goes some way to show you that even if your current workplace doesn't make you feel valued - others do value you! So even if it doesn't work out, use it as motivation to keep looking :)

    With regards to your financial considerations, that's a question only you can answer. But if you think its worth having a little less spending money in order to greatly improve your life situation and mental health than it could well be the right choice for you to move to the lower hours. There is even the possibility the job could move to full time after you've spent some time there?

    A friend of mine had a similar toxic workplace (the same as mine, we worked together) and she left for a part time job because she was so unhappy. In the end it turned into full time work, however she told me that the first few weeks of part time work were good for her to have some de-stress time and allow her to fully relax and have a mental holiday. So that is a consideration for you.

    It will be so good for you when you have a job where you don't have to worry about being reprimanded etc etc and all that anxiety that comes with it. I know exactly how that feels and I remember thinking to myself "I'll never get another job!", but I did and you will! Just hold out and keep trying and applying, even if this one doesn't work out something else will.

  10. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    19 April 2019 in reply to greatoutdoors123

    Thank you great outdoors. What you have said really is helpful.

    I was aware how much I wanted to leave my current workplace after seeing how excited I was for the possibility. I had felt stuck where I was and just getting an interview 2 days after applying really boosted my confidence.

    Of course the anxiety and self doubt are still there but it is easier to talk it down when I can say 'not true i am worth it and a good employee and I know it because I had a job interview.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. something missing
    something missing avatar
    26 posts
    20 April 2019 in reply to Red Robin
    hi red robin. have read ur posts starting from 6 april. unfortuatly there r many bosses out there who seem to think that treating they workers like dirt gives them a sense of power or authority. it actually makes them a-holes. those out there that employ people ,then treat them like so r not worth working for or worring about , dont beat yourself up about it ,simply because the only person to worry is u. i have had many jobs in my time for the exact reason u wrote about. i dout very much that u r a failure as u r a mum with i am sure beauitful children. 17 april u have a job interveiw .good ona. as long as u r doing ur best and take pride in what u do then u know u have succeed. some people cannot reckonise a talanted worker if they fell over them.u will get a job i am sure and be appreceated for ur skills. chin up lovely lady ,be positive and it will work out for u . keep smiling life is great
  12. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    21 April 2019 in reply to something missing

    Thank you for your reply 'somethings missing.' I am saddened it is a common occurrence in workplaces.

    It is hard not to beat myself up though. I feel it is a constant daily struggle. However I have had enough counselling over the years to know how to deal - but sheesh I get warn out.

    I sincerely thank you for replying.

  13. something missing
    something missing avatar
    26 posts
    22 April 2019 in reply to Red Robin
    Hi Red robin. got ur reply. yep ur rite ,it does wear u out.u mentioned that ur confidence was low. i can relate to that as yrs ago my confidence in truck driving hit an all time low because of the company i was workin for and some of there monkeys workin there. it took at little time to get it back but i soon relised that it was the company i was in not me.hope that helps u a bit. i suffer from social anxitey a bit as in a lot of people in a room or party after about 2 or3 hrs i close down and shrink into the shadows,but with work no problems. i some times wonder if people in charge are not really confident within themselfes which is y they get on people as to feel confident in them selfs [hope that makes sense]. any way sorry to ramble, go out there be confident in everything u do .good luck and keep smiling
    1 person found this helpful
  14. *** Za
    *** Za avatar
    14 posts
    23 April 2019 in reply to Red Robin
    Thanks for sharing and I can really relate to this post. You are definitely not a failure, instead, I can tell you are a very considerate and caring individual. My boss has been exhibiting the same behaviors and I too have had the same work review meeting where my work was torn to pieces. I did manage to stand firm and explain to my boss his expectations were unrealistic. It wasn't pretty but I persevered and he's backed off now. Is there any mediation personal at your work that can act as a bridge or mediator? If not, I do hope you find a job you are looking for.
  15. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    23 April 2019 in reply to something missing

    Thank you something missing. I hope to find something that helps my confidence and helps me find a passion again. I hope you are coping better. Your posts have me thinking you are very compassionate - and kind.

    I can only imagine how your social anxiety can be. I have times where I cannot stand going to the shops. Too many people, but I have not got to a point where I shut down. Moat times I am ok and force myself to focus on what I need, other times I come home empty handed because it is 'all too much.' I trust life is improving for you.

    Yes, that makes sense- I understood completely. Low self esteem in their behalf is projected into others so as to make them feel more in control.

  16. Red Robin
    Red Robin avatar
    17 posts
    23 April 2019 in reply to *** Za

    ***Za thank you for fornyour kind and supportive words and for sharing your experience. I am sorry to hear you are going through a similar situation - but so glad to hear you stood up for yourself. I wish I were able to stand up for myself without regretting it later.

    Unfortunately our HR department is not helpful either, and were I to take it further I fear the repercussions. I am cutting my losses and looking elsewhere. Which is sad because I truly like what I do - just not the bullying from management.

    I am trying to see this as a personal and work no related learning experience and bettering myself. Unfortunately it is so draining and there are not many work options out there.

    Take care and once again Thank you for your reply.

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