Just replying in general to all. Thanks for all your input, I think we all know that just being heard is just as (if not more) important than a solution. I do like that this has become more of a conversation than just a problem-solution thread.
As I mentioned that I've had issues with getting one particular medication, and frustrated me even more that one of the rules of this forum is to not mention medication names. Because my whole thread was specifically about that medication and my inability to get it and that we kept getting knock backs from psychiatrist after psychiatrist, I think we tried sending referrals to about 15. The one who did finally see me missed the bit about the medication and when I was explaining my history at the start of the session, he stopped me and said "well I'm not prescribing you that, if that's what you're here for we should end this now."
For people who are supposed to be trained in emotional behaviour that don't seem very compassionate.
He recommended 4 medications. During this time my GP retired and I'm now seeing a new GP at the same medical centre. Both of them discounted one medication, as it is more a psychiatric medication not a GP medication. I've been on 2 of the 4. One made me groggy all the time and the other made me anxious all of the time.
The second psychiatrist then discounted the last medication on the list saying that I'm much more sensitive to side effects than most people, and will probably experience heightened anxiety on any drug in that class, so don't try those anymore. But again recommended the one that the GPs don't know much about. I'm now waiting until the week after next when my GP is back at the clinic, due to the public holiday after public holidays, when the report is back and I can start drug number lucky 7.
The thing that frustrated me the most about the laptop is that it's where I express my creativity, I'm a technologist and a creative (hence my forum name) and now that's limited to my desktop machine in my study and not where the mood hits me.
thanks for listening.