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Forums / Anxiety / Getting anxious after talking with friends/relatives

Topic: Getting anxious after talking with friends/relatives

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. MrsReev
    MrsReev avatar
    5 posts
    18 February 2021
    Hello ,

    I'm new to these forums and looking for help or reassurance . A few years ago I was diagnosed with social anxiety and have been managing it with counselling top-up sessions when needed. However I've noticed in the last year or so I've become panicky/stressed out after having chats with friends or family in public settings whether it's the same day as the outing or it hits me out of nowhere within 3 days of the interaction.
    It feels awful and makes my brain feel like it free falling into over analysing or panicking about "What if someone overheard us chatting about something harmless / or I overshared / or perceived me as gossipy?".

    Yep , not fun . I recently talked about a prospective job offer with my FIL over a coffee and spoke about two clients I may work with (didn't mention names , the company etc , ) and kept it safe and confidential (I believe so). But of course within hours of coming home from this my brain sprung panic upon me and bombarded me with all kinds of horrible thoughts , making me ruminate and feel so crap . Honestly still feeling shaky.

    I'll be back to my therapist in under two weeks , but I was hoping someone could offer advice or insight into their own similar experiences.

    Thank you x
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9781 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to MrsReev
    Hi, welcome

    Guilt is a terrible thing to have and in my own experience, it took many years of self reassurance to overcome it.

    My advice here is for you to read the following threads-
    Use Google

    Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

    Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

    Beyondblue topic worry worry worry worry

    The other thing I haven't written much about is- when in a gathering try asking questions of others. That way you havent got the centre of attention on you and people like being asked about their lives.

    Reply anytime

    TonyWK
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Amanda2000
    Amanda2000 avatar
    144 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to MrsReev

    Hi MrsReev,

    I can totally relate to the over-analysing that you have described. I do the exact same thing. So critical of what I've said, the sound of my voice, my posture while talking, what I was doing with my hands etc. I know it's just myself being over-critical. Other people probably didn't notice any of those things that I was worried about.

    Usually the quickest way for me to get over the negative thoughts is to keep telling myself "It's just my mind playing tricks on me. The horrible thing did NOT happen. It did NOT happen."

    I hope this can help you.

  4. MrsReev
    MrsReev avatar
    5 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to white knight
    Hello TonyWK,

    Thank you for your kind reply and the helpful post suggestions. It helped take the edge off my panic (especially the worry one). I think I only believe my home or in-laws house to be safe places so I tend to relax and chat normally there .

    But I could have the exact same conversation in a cafe and get slammed mentally later on. The worry gnaws away at me like dwarves chipping away at a mountain if that makes sense ?

    I'm mostly scared that what I talked about would somehow get to someone's ears and get misinterpreted or something foolish along those lines . Like I know the odds of anyone knowing me or what I talked about or even hearing a quarter of it is miniscule but does my brain want to hear that ? Nope . Nuh uh . I'm doomed apparently and must brace my soul for a public dress down and the certain prospect of losing a new career chance.

    Sorry I'm letting my post runaway with me , and thank you for your time .
  5. MrsReev
    MrsReev avatar
    5 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to Amanda2000
    Hello Amanda2000 ,

    Thank you for the reply , I don't know anyone in my adult life who can relate to the whole circus my mind tries to run with the public version of myself (the critique you mentioned was very accurate).

    I've had these moments before and they usually play out as a waiting game , when several weeks or a month has passed my brain calms down and can no longer throw this nonsense at me -__-;;

    Thanks again
  6. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9781 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to MrsReev
    I'm glad the "worry" one helped.

    Low self esteem has many consequences. Two of them is not being defensive enough nor, when required, aggressive enough.

    E.g. if you were in a cafe and someone overheard you talking about, say, how you felt you didn't fit in at the local Lions club and a stranger from behind you commented "I fitted in, it must be your personality". My immediate and swift reaction would be "excuse me, this is a private conversation "

    Low self esteem muddies the waters of right and wrong because we haven't got the confidence to enforce our beliefs even when we know we're right. That results in some people, nasty, narcissists, manipulators, to walk all over us.

    Eventually we often withdraw and become less trusting.

    Raising low self-esteem is imo a case of shrinking your social spread and filtering strangers well before trusting.

    Beyondblue topic fortress of survival (and parts 2 and 3)

    All this can result in a secluded existence that is better than the fear of saying something you are regretful of.

    TonyWK

  7. Amanda2000
    Amanda2000 avatar
    144 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to MrsReev

    Hi MrsReev,

    Yes the waiting game is so true! Sometimes I just have to "ride it out" and wait for the bad feelings to pass.

    Very happy that we have something in common, haha.

  8. MrsReev
    MrsReev avatar
    5 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to white knight
    Thank you for sharing that post suggestion , it gave me some insight. It has taken me some time to trust me FIL and feel comfortable talking to him . He has some habits not dissimilar to the "Spanish Inquisition" so I have a hard time dealing with that but I know he asks so that he's reassured about any changes in our lives (All the children and their partners). I have had similar experiences when chatting with his wife (the delayed panic and anxiety). My self esteem is so poor at the moment due to job hunting and alot of changes going on in my life.

    I just want to be able to go out , have a nice chat and not meet an all-out attack from my brain layer on . It's a work in progress for sure.
  9. MrsReev
    MrsReev avatar
    5 posts
    18 February 2021 in reply to Amanda2000
    There is line from a famous poem called Marmion by Walter Scott , and a line that always sticks with me is "Oh what a tangled web we weave/When first we practice to deceive" and I think of it when my brain summons all of this on top of me . Mind you it is a very small voice of reason that says this and it takes a while for me to hear it when the panic and anxiety is lying to me and making me wait for it all to make sense or be calm again . I would like one time machine please , just to jump for a moment to show my brain that "x ,y and z" did not actually or ever would happen :/
    1 person found this helpful

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