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Forums / Anxiety / I'm Falling Apart!

Topic: I'm Falling Apart!

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Panicmerchant
    Panicmerchant avatar
    33 posts
    20 January 2021

    Hi all

    Yes me again. Going around in circles with my multiple symptoms that plague me night and day. Some history since August 2020. I had severe pain in chest and thoracic region. I had full bloods taken and xrays. All clear except I do have a herniated disc in thoracic spine. Have been undergoing physio for that. That abated somewhat then in November I started having pain in my throat and ear. Since then I have seen three doctors; an oral surgeon and a dentist. Had a scan of lymph nodes; all clear. Had another full blood count; all clear. Doctor says I have TMJD, Glossopharyngeal neuralgia and 'health anxiety' (who wouldn't when one has so many symptoms?!). Nobody has given me any idea of what to do about this. The dentist said I have 'elongated styloid processes' which can cause Eagle Syndrome. The symptoms of which are what I am suffering from . To add to this I now have globus and a severe pain in neck. Going to chiropractor tomorrow and will ask GP for a ct scan as it feels like my neck is out of alignment; which too can cause all of these symptoms.

    Surely if there was something sinister the bloods or lymph scan would show something? I am in pain from my entire head to my mid back. Everything hurts! Ear, neck, throat, eyes, head, shoulders......I am also peri menopausal so I doubt that is helping me.

    Deep down I think my symptoms are worse due to the worry I feel all the time. Again; I am pursuing further tests to find out what is going on with my neck and styloid processes. I feel totally let down by the health care system. I am sure they just think I am a middle aged hypochondriac. My entire life is spent going to doctors, physio, acupuncture; trying to stay off google....it is driving me mad and my 'quality' of life is severely compromised.

    I guess I just wondered if others have had the same kind of situtation; where everyone seems to palm one off and one is expected to just get over it.

    Thanks for reading.

  2. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9067 posts
    20 January 2021 in reply to Panicmerchant

    Dear Panicmercant...

    Welcome back , and thank you for sharing...

    I have TMJ and can relate to the pain you are struggling with...I initially went to my Dr. with severe ear pain and a grinding sound when I eat, yawn in my jaw..My Dr. told me to bite on a pencil gentle to help with it..although it didn’t do any good that I could feel..I done it for a few weeks...Now I just take pain relief when it flares up...Since arthritis has found my jaw as well..the pain can be fairly bad..but pain relief does help..I’m really sorry your struggling with this...

    I am lucky as I have a very caring Dr. who is always there for me...She did say that Jaw replacement is very rare and not recommended..so I now just don’t think about it, that is until the pain flares up..the grinding noise is constant when I eat, so I concentrate on the flavours of what I’m eating and sometimes don’t hear or feel it....

    I don’t have health anxiety...and I put my full trust in my Dr. never do I google my symptoms...I know my Dr went through university to become a Dr...and that’s all I need to know..googling different symptoms will always get many different ailments not even related to the correct diagnosis, which can cause much more anxiety about little aches and pains..which is unfortunately a part of life..

    Dearest Panicmerchant..when you start to feel a little bit of discomfort..if you can that is the time to do something to distract your thoughts away from it...Do you have something that you like to do..listening to music, meditation, sitting outside and watching, listening, feeling the nature around you...jigsaws, internet games anything really to distract those annoying thoughts...living in the now and enjoying your life in the here and now..Our Grounding thread might help you to find something that works for you..thread title is ”Grounding What is it and how can we”...

    Please look after yourself lovely Panicmerchant ..deep breathing concentrating and counting your in breath and out breath to help you relax...

    Talk anytime you feel up to it..We are here for you..

    Sending you my kindest thoughts with care lovely Panicmerchant..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Panicmerchant
    Panicmerchant avatar
    33 posts
    20 January 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy

    Thankyou so much for your lovely response. Yes I try to take my mind off things...I tell myself the many doctors I have seen wouldn't have missed anything...sometimes it helps but sometimes the panic takes over :( . I do still believe I have an issue with my neck which is compressing a nerve and causing a great deal of this. I will ask for a cat scan to see what is going on. I am so grateful to have this site as when I am alone I just spiral. I am sorry you too suffer from TMJD. It is horrible and can cause so much pain.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9067 posts
    20 January 2021 in reply to Panicmerchant

    Dear Panicmerchant...

    Sometimes I think we need to reassure ourselves about what we are thinking is wrong with us..I feel it’s a good idea to ask for a cat scan..if it will settle your anxiety...Will you believe the results or still be over anxious thinking they missed so?....

    I have been able to manage my TMJ with pain relief most times..when the pain relief doesn’t work the best..I like to put a cold pack on my jaw which also helps sometimes..It’s a matter of finding what works for us as individuals...

    I live this beautiful Beyond Blue family..I live alone am elderly and my anxiety keeps me inside my home most days..it’s great to be able to talk to different people and help support them if I can..

    I wish you ever bit of luck I have for your up coming cat scan...Please always remember dear Panicmerchant...that you can talk here whenever you need to...

    Doctors do tell us the Thoth at all times lovely Panicmerchant because, they have a duty of care and if they lie to us..it can cost them their career..so please as hard as it is with health anxiety try hard to put your trust and faith into what they say to you...

    Listening to you with my kindness and care..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Panicmerchant
    Panicmerchant avatar
    33 posts
    20 January 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    You are so lovely. I am so grateful to you. I am sorry you are so lonely! I am too; I have a 16 year old son whom I adore but of course he has his own stuff going on. I absolutely love animals and have a darling rescue dog who I take out once or twice a day for walks. She is the love of my life. Unfortunately I am also panicking about her as she had a lump on her 'wrist' which the vet said was arthritis...she had four weeks of treatment but today it is still there and I am crying as I am so worried it is something worse. I will take her back to the vet tomorrow. I know my style..I catastrophise everything. There are very valid reasons for this which I won't go into here.

    I do wonder that my constant fear makes everything worse. I am sure it does. I just wish I could not feel such horrid debilitating symptoms constantly. I worry that I will die and leave my darling son to his father (who is not a nice person hence my divorcing him when my baby was two :(). I am at the stage where everything I worry about is around him and my dog. My 'life' really is just a roundabout of appointments; worry, stress, a bit of relief when a certain test is clear...then back on the merry go round :(. Unfortunately I have found that alcohol stops most of the symptoms...which is bizarre and so wrong but of course periodically I do drink too much as the reality of my life is not good. I hope so much that the chiro tomorrow and eventually the cat scan that I will ask for can show something and I can finally get proper treatment for whatever it is. I have already resigned myself to the fact it actually could be something bad although all tests are clear! At the end of the day I just want help and I want to feel ok again and happy about the future not tied in knots thinking it is time to sort out my affairs! :( Hugs to you dear Grandy. You are a wonderful person. xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9067 posts
    20 January 2021 in reply to Panicmerchant

    Dear Panicmerchant...

    I also have a love of animals..I think I’m lucky where I live..I’m in the central west of NSW..in a tiny village..(200) residents..across from me I have cows grazing away a huge gum tree full of bird life...and my 2 little fur babies...Who are mum and daughter..they are what keeps me going most days..I love them so much...My children live many hours drive away and don’t see them much..I do miss them a lot..

    My husband was a narcissist man he passed away 7 years ago...I cannot believe I survived after 38 of abuse and controlling....I am sorry your husband was not a nice person,,,Pleased you are now living your own life with your beautiful son..

    If it’s okay..can I ask you if you are seeing a counsellor, concerning your health anxiety okay dear PM? if that’s okay to shorten your name)..if not please let me know...You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to....I’m just thinking that professional help might help you to manage your health anxiety better...It would be so lovely for you to have some peace in your thoughts...I hope very much that you can feel some mind peace soon...

    I also hope that your chiro appointment goes really well for you tomorrow..I’ll have my everything crossed for you lovely lady...

    You are also a beautiful person PM and I’m pleased to have met you and hope that I can offer the support you need..

    My kindest and most caring thoughts dear PM...I’m pleased you like hugs..Thank you so much for the hugs 🤗 back...Its been so long since I have had a real life hug...

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Panicmerchant
    Panicmerchant avatar
    33 posts
    21 January 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy

    So sorry you had such a horrid time with your narc husband..but so glad you now have peace with your darling fur babies!

    I am off to the chiro in a minute; just wanted to reply to you. xxx Yes I am seeing a psychologist; he is ok but I think we need to do more work on this health anxiety rubbish!

    Will let you know how I go today. Have a lovely day! xxxx Hugs xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9067 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to Panicmerchant

    Dear Panicmerchant,

    How are you dear PM...just popping in to check on you..I hope your chiro went okay for you and your not to sore..

    I tried to numb myself a few times with alcohol..didn’t work for me plus I had the worse mornings after..with migraines and feelings of guilt...I very rarely have even a glass now..but everyone is different..I hope so much that together we can hopefully find other ways that can help those horrid health anxiety thoughts...

    How was your day today lovely PM...mine was so hot and I just lazed around today...I was going to sew a picket on my apron for my volunteer job...but no motivation to do so...

    Gentle hugs precious lady..with my care..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Panicmerchant
    Panicmerchant avatar
    33 posts
    25 January 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy

    I hope you are well. The chiro said my entire spine is out of alignment and he really thinks he can help me. He said a lot of my symptoms are caused by this. I then saw my GP about it all and the results of the ultrasound on my neck which was clear. I again asked if he thinks I should have a cat scan and he shook his head and said 'you just need to relax'. Great. The day after chiro I was in a lot of pain but he said that was to be expected. Then the day after that ...nothing! Now of course is it back again..not as bad but still there.

    To add to this we have a terrible bushfire in the Adelaide Hills and it appears a horrid man started them deliberately. I am so anguished over this. I think of all the poor animals that have died an awful death all because of one psychopath! And I know how pathetic our so called justice system is! He won't get the penalty he deserves!!! I have been totally distraught since it all started yesterday afternoon. I am losing faith in everybody.

    And yes I am drinking today. I hate myself. I am so weak and pathetic. But it does help!! I know it is stupid and self destructive! Yet the anti depressants seem to not be doing their thing anymore and again I am back on the roundabout from hell :(. School goes back on Wednesday and I am extremely anxious about that as well as my son hates school and had over 40 days off last year! I feel so responsible for everything and nobody does anything for us. I have had a long talk to him as he will be in Year 11 and I said the next two years really count. One day per week he will be doing a coding for gaming course which I hope and pray gives him some motivation. Essentially my entire life is full of worry and anxiety. I am also very worried about my twin sister but I can't elaborate on that.

    So I am sitting here typing and the skies are full of smoke from the bushfire. My son is still asleep (it is 1.30 pm here) as he did not sleep at all last night. I am going to have to wake him soon so that he can get some kind of routine in place for Wednesday! The only light in all of this has been my visits to the dog beach. I could live there. I am only happy there. The beautiful funny sweet dogs! And seeing my darling girl so happy! Everyone there is lovely. We are all traumatised by this bushfire and we all know that the horrid cretin who started it all will get next to no penalty worthy of his disgusting actions :(

    Big hugs dear Grandy xxxx

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