Hi there Kane,
Thank you for sharing your story on here. You mentioned that you've pushed back talking to someone about this, and I'm really proud of you doing that here today. That's a really amazing step.
It's easy to feel shame or guilt from talking about our mental health, because it's easy to say that someone else has it tougher. I want you to know that everything you are feeling is valid, and can't be written off based on other people's life experience. Please know that this is a judgement-free space and we're here to listen.
From what you've written it sounds like you're experiencing some pretty bad anxiety, maybe social anxiety specifically. It sounds like you've struggled with your mental health from a young age for quite some time now, and it's interfering with your day to day - eating, sleeping, going out, your mood, it sounds like you're also starting to isolate yourself and that you don't enjoy the same things anymore. Please know that this isn't something you're imagining, or that you're making up. Depression and anxiety often are experienced at the same time.. There isn't anything wrong with you. I think it's healthy to look at it like your physical health - your mental health is just as important, and by the sounds of things it's been ignored for quite some time. Your mental and physical health are also very interlinked.
I'm curious if you've ever seen a doctor or professional about what you've been going through. How would you feel about taking that step?
I hope you can come to a place where you're more patient and accepting of yourself and what you're going through, and not dismissive of your feelings.. I hear you and believe you. No one should be expected to go through something like this for so long and feel shame or guilt for talking about it, especially when it's impacting your every day life.
I hope you're taking care of yourself, I'd love to hear from you <3