Well I hope your meeting has helped a bit with what you are going through. I totally understand that some people rather work things out themselves and have their own way of helping whenever they are suffering from a dark part in their lives. And you can call me Jess, it's easier!
I have to admit, the good only lasted for so long, now it's kind of my guilt and anxiety ruining it again for me:
You see, I do get an inheritance monthly due to my parents passing, and in a way, it has been a blessing and a curse. I still think of my parents every day even though it has been over 8 years since they passed. It has been mixed feelings since they were abusive physically and psychologically, but were also kind and caring and involved when alcohol and mental illness wasn't involved.
I calculated my pay, which isn't much of course in part-time, but significantly less savings (without the inheritance). So I feel guilty that most of my savings are now from my inheritance I receive monthly, and without, I wouldn't be able to survive on part-time hours.
I guess in a way I should have expected this, but still feel a large amount of guilt.
Lately I feel a lot better though since I have time to draw, but now my anxieties have turned to worrying about my weight and health.
I am obese, and since it's winter, I want to get back into working out but really lack the motivation. I will try this Sunday to go out at least for a walk in the morning, but also cutting out snacks has been difficult.
Everytime I want to go for my walk, I get so tired and take a nap. Thankfully I only had a 2 hour nap but then I got so tired at 6pm that I went to bed still and now awake at 10pm when I have work tomorrow.
Buuut, I think it's still early to get angry about it, there are things I need to first get used to since it's been only my second week, tomorrow is work, but it's not stressful, I get there and clean cages then talk to customers, and before work I have a coffee and sit and relax. I need to start slowly with not buying junk food so often, but it's hard as my fiance can eat anything he wants and not put on weight! So being around the temptation is hard...
Anyways, I hope you are doing better and seeing things for what they are, not what the disease tells you it is.