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Forums / Anxiety / I’m so horribly unattractive

Topic: I’m so horribly unattractive

  1. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Sean S

    I looooooove your picture too. It reminds me of a piece of Psychedelic art from the late sixties. Sort of reminds me of Peter Max’s artwork. Although darker colours are used a little more often in your profile picture.

    i also forgot to mention of course I LOOOOOVE The Church, The PsychedelicFurs and I have even found that The HooDoo Gurus have a very psychedelia sound throughout their songs. Especially throughout their song titled ‘Miss Freelove 69’ VERY VEEEERY PSYCHEDELIC. Even The Bennies are somewhat psychedelic too!!

    I read a quote somewhere online just before that said ‘If they didn’t want you to go they would not of let you go so easily. Remember the human heart chases what it wants.’

    Mindblown!!**

  2. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021

    One of friends reminded me that he wasn’t a catch by the way he has treated me. He is one of these types of people who say ‘I will change, I will change!’
    I gave me so many chances and then I realised that all of this time nothing had changed. He would still ignore for me hours on end if I started to overthink things between us. He would tell me he was sick of ‘my shit’ if I got anxious and started shaking... I mean, it is kind of hard not to get so anxious and start shaking when he walked away from me in the city because I was having an anxiety attack. He said he didn’t want to date ‘a child’

    However if someone who truly loves you they would try and really understand what you need at that point in time instead of calling me a ‘child’ and saying he was sick of my nonsense. Eventually he helped me doing deep breaths but that is not the point. He got so angry with me that he was going to leave me stranded in the city.. and that is not right. Not one bit!

  3. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021
    It was meant to say ‘deep breathing‘ sorry for my incorrect wording.. got up super early haha!
  4. Sean S
    Sean S avatar
    41 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hey PsychedelicFur,

    Great suggestions! I especially like Babe Rainbow- Zeitgeist. I can't stop playing it now.

    I think your friend is right, and I also agree with that quote.

    I've been in a situation several times with someone who responded similarly to my anxiety attacks. It's the worst. I was treated like a freak. People can be really cruel. You are right that in that situation in the city he, again, should have been more mature and supportive. Being let down in the precise moment when you need the person to bring their A game hurts, badly. I mean, how can you trust them? My ex would make everything 10 times worse at the exact wrong moment, the moment when the most damage could be done, like your ex walking away in the city. She became a trigger eventually.

    So, is being with a guy like that what is best for you, your self-esteem, your anxiety?

    Why does he care what you're wearing? Honestly. Just silly. You aren't his accessory. I'd say find people who appreciate your idiosyncrasies, style and personality. It's easy to get stuck on shitty people who will never appreciate us, or celebrate our virtues. You can waste a life-time on them. To keep hoping they'll approve. They never will though. You have to search for people who are suited to you. I wasted years in friendship groups that were toxic, only to discover that my ideal friends were just around the corner (metaphorically speaking). Just had to look. I think the same is true of partners, so you are definitely not "unlovable and nobody will ever want me due to me being so ‘childish’ and strange with my choices in clothing".

    Based off what you've said he also has a proclivity for barbed and sharp speech, calling you 'a child' for example. He'll have to work on that or he will face problems throughout life. Not a charming quality.

    I understand the fact that you miss him, I know the feeling. I don't have an answer to that, or how to deal with it. Wish I knew. It's just one of those things in life we have to deal with. The only thing that has worked mildly for me is focusing on trying to accept the situation and outcome for what it is. And not thinking about them, and focusing on my own life and personal growth.

    The question is what are you going to do now? Which direction are you heading in? What are your goals and desires? A breakup is also a space where you can articulate some of your core values in life.

    Sean

    1 person found this helpful
  5. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Sean S

    To answer your question Sean, I am going to continue with my studies and make a really good life for myself, career wise. I am going to, as I always did, focus on my education and personal growth.

    he will have troubles maintaining any long term relationship because he was even so critical and emotionally abusive towards his ex girlfriend. Who I am now friends with. It’s sad he was the same to her. He hasn’t changed. And he probably most likely won’t change.

    If I were to contact him again it would absolutely destroy all of the progress I have made.
    Why risk it?

  6. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    5 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hey, I'm sorry this happened to you. Your ex sounds like a shit person and that's on them, not you. I'm sure you look fine and you're attractive (in a friendly way).

    Looks don't matter anyway or what size clothing you are. If you want to wear a bikini or something like that, go ahead, if you feel comfortable. I'm sorry they treated you like that. They have problems, not you.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Missing user

    I know. I just hope one day I will be able to meet someone decent who is not like that.

    aw well!!

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    9851 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hello Dear Psychedelic Fur..

    You are so right, people like your ex do not change..it’s the person they are..and even if they change for a day or so...they can’t maintain the facade for too long until their true self emerges again....

    I am proud of you not contacting him over the Easter period...That’s called self care...

    Im sure one day, someone will cross your path and stop to walk with you and love the beautiful person and soul that you really are...

    My kind thoughts with a hug beautiful lady..🦋🌹🤗.

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  9. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    Thank you Lovely Grandy!!! 💕🌈🌞☮️
  10. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    5 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    I hope you can too PsychedelicFur. You don't deserve that, nobody does. I hope you can recover from your ex soon.
    1 person found this helpful
  11. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Thank you lovely one!! Hope you are well. 💕☮️🌈🌻
    1 person found this helpful
  12. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    5 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    Thanks, I hope you are too. I posted something on my thread as an update with me if you wish to read it but no pressure
    1 person found this helpful
  13. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Thank you for your nice words. You are beautiful even though I don’t know you and your feelings and emotions are definitely valid.

    please take care of yourself.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021

    So so lonely but I didn’t text my ex today. Temptation was strong but I didn’t do it! Proud of myself.

    Was tempted to say ‘hey, how are you? Hope you are well’

    saw a recent photo of him and he looked very unhappy and quite bitter, not at all smiley.

  15. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    5 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    Thank you, the same to you. I don't consider myself beautiful at all inside and out however.
    1 person found this helpful
  16. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Missing user

    I’m sure there are some beautiful qualities about yourself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And true beauty is a beautiful heart. Because good looks will fade. A beautiful heart will stay forever.

    It’s beautiful to be kind.

    2 people found this helpful
  17. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    5 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    Not really, but thank you anyway.
  18. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to Missing user

    I’m certainly sure there is something beautiful about you, in fact many things.

    how is everyone going this morning or today?

    PF

    1 person found this helpful
  19. missep123
    Community Champion
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    missep123 avatar
    1059 posts
    10 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hi PsychedelicFur,

    Moving on from someone is definitely like a grieving period where we miss them and think about the memories but ultimately it will help us grow in our own journey.

    How have you been lately?

    1 person found this helpful
  20. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    10 April 2021 in reply to missep123

    Moving on is difficult, yes.
    I’m doing a lot better thank you, how are you? I have creating art by drawing and painting. A wise woman once said ‘you don’t heal with your heart. You heal with your hands.’

    I hope you are well. What have you been up to? Good to hear from you.

  21. missep123
    Community Champion
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    1059 posts
    14 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hi!

    I'm so glad that you are doing a lot better! I really like that quote. Creating art through drawing and painting sounds very therapeutic in itself!

    I have been well thank you for asking! :)

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    14 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    great job PF

    you've overcome a very big days including his birthday and keep strong and optimistic

    I have a lot of issues with how I look also

    I read diaries I wrote where I thought i was pretty and okay and at the moment I don't feel that way

    Glad u've been feeling better. What have you been up to?
    i've been binging terrible television, like How I met your Mother, Friends, and Frasier.
    :)

    2 people found this helpful
  23. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    14 April 2021 in reply to Guest_1643

    I love that you are binge watching bad television programs like How I Met Your Mother.. fabulous!!! sounds like a good distraction from bad, intrusive thoughts. My deepest sympathies go to you. I don’t know the full capacity of how you must be feeling but I do have some idea. I understand. Because I’m going through something quite similar.

    How ARE YOU? Really?

    My body dysmorphic disorder is flaring up today. Just wanted to say hello. And I hope you are all well.

    Sending hugs to anyone who needs them.

    Yesterday and today have been difficult days for my intrusive thoughts, appearance wise.

    Sending good vibes and lots of hot tea and yummy food your way!!

    PF

  24. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    hey PF :)

    Sorry I haven't been here for a bit I've been on and off the forums

    Hopefully you're ok managing those thoughts. I'm sorry it's been tough but I know you can work past them. You are so strong xx :) Hopefully today is better :)

    Whenever that annoying talkative voice of your body dysmorphia tries to talk down to you btw, are you able to talk back to it? Tell it 'mhm... ok THANK YOU FOR YOUR OPINION BUT IM GOOD'.

    I know sometimes even when ya say things like that that voice tries to sneak it's way back but at least it can be helpful to challenge your negative thoughts. You got this :)

    Sending hugs and good vibes to you too :)

    1 person found this helpful
  25. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    15 April 2021

    Sick of the way my negative intrusive thoughts take over my day. I know I am in control of my thoughts but some of these thoughts are so overwhelming and so so very toxic.

  26. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    I'm sorry your thoughts have been so overwhelming :( I can feel your frustration when it comes to your intrusive thoughts taking over because a lot of the time even though our thoughts are in our control mostly, intrusive thoughts and thoughts in general are pretty automatic. I mean to say, unlike talking where you can (arguably most of the time) think about something before you voice it, you can't think a thought through before you think it. Kinda confusing. But it's something to consider :)

    The thoughts you're having aren't you fault, but you have every right not to accept them and watch them pass by. I know how easy that is to say - I feel hypocritical for saying that because it's so difficult sometimes not to latch onto those negative thoughts - but I just want you to know that in no way are you responsible for generating those thoughts - only the response.

    You are worth so so much more than your negative thoughts - and don't let them tell you otherwise.

    Take care xx

    1 person found this helpful
  27. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to jumpy jellyfish :-]

    How are you going Jumpy Jellyfish :-]? Hope you are well. Sending hugs to you!!

    thank you for your response. You are very insightful.

    Since leaving that bad relationship I feel so drained but also relieved.. and also very on edge. And I have a low self esteem now. I did dress up nicely earlier this week and today for uni. And that was good. But at the moment I’m not coping with my thoughts. It really is overwhelming.

  28. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    I'm pretty good. Went and had a picnic with some friends today :) Fun! Coping with some guilt afterwards was ehhh but it was ok. Great to catch up anyways :)

    That's great you can dress up for uni! I'm glad that was good, hopefully it boosted your confidence :) How often are you at uni? If that's been making you feel better, it would be great if you could keep doing that for yourself and feeling good :)

    I understand how draining it would be for you - and that things are really overwhelming. I'm here for you xx You are working through something which is really difficult and are doing amazingly :) There are gonna be times like now when it's hard to cope but once you get through them you will come out so much stronger. Feeling relief from leaving your toxic relationship is the first step towards feeling better - and slowly but surely you will come to rebuild your self esteem and sense of self worth :)

    Hopefully tonight you can try give yourself a break from those thoughts. Is there something you can do - something relaxing maybe - for yourself? You deserve to do something for you <3 look after yourself :)

    1 person found this helpful
  29. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to jumpy jellyfish :-]

    Hello again, that is wonderful that you had a lovely picnic with your friends. I’m so glad to hear that you had a nice time!! Well done for doing something lovely for yourself, definitely well deserved. xx

    I hope you are doing well with everything. What other self care things have you done today?

    You are so insightful, yet again.

    This is my first year of university as I graduated secondary school last year. And I go four times a week. I am currently studying my first year of journalism. I really like university. It is a get away from home, and the train ride is genuinely therapeutic and I can get work done.

    My toxic partner really changed my perspective on things. Before I got with him I was so confident and felt powerful and liberated. And I thought, at the time I was in a correct headspace for a relationship.

    Wishing you the best,

    PF.

  30. Croix
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    I think it would be more accurate to say

    "My toxic partner really skewed my perspective on things". In all probability you were and remain a confident and powerful and liberated person, a pity you can't quite see that at the moment, however to others looking at your words it shines though.

    The fact you are enjoying your first semester goes a long way to confirm this. Many do not enjoy it and either plug on because they have no choice or simply give a token effort and eventually disappear (I used to be able to identify those that would succeed quite easily as I taught Uni for many years)

    Despite the onerous situations you have faced you are becoming a formidable person, one well worth knowing. I'm glad you like the train journey, though sometimes it can be wasted on work when that endless panorama of lives and interests stream by.

    As a small boy I used to travel from London to North Wales by myself - a different era - and never got bored, imagination spurred on by the vistas scrolling past my window kept me well occupied. My favorite mode of travel still.

    Do you have time to leven your studies with art? If so may I ask your medium of choice and favorite subjects?

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful

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