Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Anxiety / I’m so horribly unattractive

Topic: I’m so horribly unattractive

  1. TheWookie
    TheWookie avatar
    36 posts
    4 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    I gave away using social media. Facebook is, in my opinion, an awesome tool IN THEORY ONLY. It’s actual use is just benign. I do still use a few profiles for games I play that need linking to accounts, but I have not posted or read anything on there for a couple years now.

    If you can get by without it I wholly recommend doing so. You look after yourself. You are the only you there is.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    4 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    I can understand why you say "and yet I look at myself and think “well that’s probably gonna be me in thirty years time.” however it simply is not true. I was disinherited and at that stage saw there was no love in my family, despite having believed it in my younger years.

    The actions of both my parents had a big influence on my own as a parent as time went on. They served as a template of that NOT to do to be a decent parent and bring up offspring.

    Genes only go so far, we do learn from our own and other's mistakes and toxic behavior. As you can see your parents clearly you will pick out the best and avoid the worst as your life goes on - don't worry, you have perception and sense.

    As for Facebook, I too avoid it, like TheWookie, except for Mental Health and Police associations that use it as an announcement mechanism. The social side of Facebook is a hotbed of dissembling, unkind behaviors and a pretend Kardashian type of life, something I entirely avoid.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  3. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 June 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hey Croix, how are you?

    thank you for your insightful response.
    I don’t particularly like social media much anymore because people on there seem to have a inflated sense of ego. It’s all ‘look at me, look at me!’ type of mentality. You are correct with saying it is mostly full of the Kardashian types.

    I’m tired. Not physically but mentally haha.

    what have you been up to?
    How have you been keeping yourself occupied during these trying covid times?

    Thank you for understanding what I mean. My mother doesn’t have insight.

    to answer your question previously I love art, creative writing, conducting interviews, shooting content and producing sound. It’s wonderful to hear how differently your interests changed in relation to your university units. thank you for asking !!

  4. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    5 June 2021 in reply to TheWookie
    Thank you for your insight! It is much appreciated.
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    6 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    Thanks for asking. Well, I must admit I slept in greatly today, this was because I got no sleep at all the night before partly due to back pain (a not unusual occurrence) and partly as I was waiting on a Drs appointment which had test results ( which worked out sort of reasonable). So I made up on the sleep last night and this morning. Mrs C said I'd reverted to a teenager, late night then sleeping in:)

    Sumo cat did not mind in the least and kept me company. He weighs a ton and insists on sleeping over my ankles, and will not move when asked reasonably.

    I'm not surprised you are mentally tired, trying to deal with constant wrong thoughts about yourself would be very taxing and frustrating, not to say upsetting too, particularly if it brings back memories.

    Thanks for telling me your interests, it sounds like you might be heading for TV journalism or production. Do you prefer the people side or the technical? With a modern phone you can tape an interview, but the editing and background sound is pretty exacting and I use a computer for that. My last job was doing the tech side of videos etc and that followed on from my uni work. Getting the music to match was always tricky.

    Do you have any favorite subjects you like interviewing people about?

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  6. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    7 June 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hello there Croix, how are you today? I hope you are going well!

    First and foremost - it is good to hear that you are going well. And I’m glad the test results came back and they were reasonable results. That must be some relief off your shoulders, hopefully!
    I am sorry to hear about your back pain too that must be debilitating- especially when trying to get asleep at night.

    haha turning into a teenager! That’s quite humorous. She does have a point though!!

    To answer your question I love both technical and in front of the camera type of work. I have interviewed some pretty well established people in the music industry and also entertainment industry too.

    It is excellent to heard about your job too. And yes modern day technology makes it easier to record interviews.

    I love interviewing and speaking to people about their real life stories.i love watching like Four Corners type of programs. I love documentaries on SBS and ABC. In fact, the television is only ever switched on for the ABC when I am watching it.

    Always been fascinated by how people overcome traumatic events in their lives. Also love theatre and performing.I get my inspiration from people like - Ruth Cracknell etc.

    what else have you been up to Croix? Always a pleasure speaking to you!

    PF

  7. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    7 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    I hope you are going well too.

    Yes, like you the ABC, and a little SBS are the ones I'll watch, though even that is seldom. Some NPR radio can be good too (such as the now finished "News from Lake Wobegone")

    I ended up being more interested in the technical side. When I first went to uni I studied drama, but, we went to the same place and mixed with the NIDA students for productions, and I found my performance skills were close to zero in comparison. As I result I was given lighting position and control, and a bit of set design (though that was pretty sparse due to lack of props and carpentry.) I can't say I was another Yoshi Tosa either:(

    I still maintain a ongoing interest in theater, particularly the absurd. I also relish ABC podcasts which make the time go quicker when traveling - plus have their own interest too. Things like Big Ideas, All in the Mind, the Science Show and so on.

    I'd imagine you might turn out interviewer for some of these in time. Does that appeal?

    Being a previous generation I've always had a lot of time for actors who were in WW2, Alec Guinness, Jimmy Stewart and Marcel Marceau for example.

    Do you happen to have favorite actors?

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    7 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    hey PF

    hope ur doing okay

    BDD is a nightmare

    glad to see u have so many amazing habits skills and professional successes....

    i think u are a beautiful person

    3 people found this helpful
  9. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    8 June 2021

    BDD sucks big time! I was looking at what other people use as techniques, that they have been told by their psychologists. Something called exposure therapy.

    I despise living with this. It’s like I’m a prisoner in my own mind.

  10. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    9 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    You have many talents and they can be used to occupy a mind better than now. Can I suggest you plan in detail an interview with Janice Joplin, trying to get the differing frames of mind behind "Kozmic Blues" and "Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz"

    Than imagine yourself as the interviewer and imagine the interview.

    Yes, I know, it is a blatant attempt at distraction using your talents and imagination. If you don't already know Ms Joplin that well then she herself is worth discovering.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  11. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    9 June 2021 in reply to Croix
    JANIS JOPLIN!!!!!! Yeaaaaa. Big Brother & The Holding Company yesssssssssss. Love love her. She sang with Grace Slick once!!!!
  12. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    9 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    "Remember what the dormouse said:
    "Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head
    "

    I liked White Rabbit with Grace and Jefferson Airplane, but never knew Janice sang with Grace, when was that?

    They were different sort of people, but were of the same time. Someone said Grace chose drugs, Janice booze. (No I'm NOT advocating either) Both were different and unique people and it showed in their voices

    So can I persuade you to do that interview (and the research behind it:)? Not work, fun!

    Feed your head, don't let it feed you!

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  13. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    10 June 2021 in reply to Croix

    Ahah I love that. Love it!!

    Superb idea!

  14. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    10 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    I'm glad it hit a chord with you. I have to admit Janis (no, not the blond lead guitar player in "The Electric Mayhem" in the Muppets) is my favorite of the 2

    Talking of Muppets have you heard their Tom Waits/Cookie Monster mashup - God's Away On Business? As good in its own way as Tom Wait's original.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  15. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    10 June 2021 in reply to Croix

    Awww Janice from the muppets is a sure fire cutie!!!! And Zoot the saxophonist. And Animal of course, vicious but super cool!!

    no I don’t recall ever hearing that.. I must look it up when I find a chance to do so!

    take care Croix,

    PF

  16. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    11 June 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF

    Animal is well known for his version of Mah-Na, Mah-Na (easy to remember lyrics I guess:)

    Here is the Muppet original sung by Bip Bippadotta and the two Anything Muppet Girls

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3YkkmMxjV0

    This is at the same time (1969) as Janis was singing “Try (Just A Little Bit Harder)” and “Piece of My Heart.” at Woodstock.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  17. TheWookie
    TheWookie avatar
    36 posts
    13 June 2021 in reply to Croix

    Janis and the muppets are cool yeah...

    but you can’t knock back good old Black Sabbath.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    13 June 2021 in reply to TheWookie
    Black Sabbath yeah!!!
  19. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    5 July 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    I am just popping in for a moment to see how you are going. Even thogh we had some fun posts about Muppets and music you had been going though a bad patch and and I was hoping you might now be feeling more at ease.

    Feel free to sing out either way, always welcome

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  20. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    26 July 2021

    Hello all. Hope you are all well.

    Body dysmorphia is a truly debilitating and crippling psychological struggle. It’s something I would not even wish on my own worst enemy. I’m tired of attempting to explain to others who don’t fully understand nor comprehend what it’s like for those individuals who suffer with this disorder. I’m especially tired of people saying ‘oh it’s all in your head’ or ‘you are just fishing for compliments.’

    It’s an isolating disorder because I DON’T see what others around me see. And I’m tired of people not understanding what I mean. Despite the pandemic, even if I could go out, by choice to parties and clubs, I probably wouldn’t because I have really crippling social anxiety as well as BDD. I have a few really excellent days were I feel on top of the world and then I have days were I try so hard to motivate myself to make it through the day, I really push myself. I want people who have BDD to understand that it’s a really difficult and especially traumatic thing to deal with. And yes, I know because I am dealing with it, first hand. Also that their voices, experiences, struggles and stories are all just equally valid and are all so very important as mine.

    I fear gaining part time employment at the moment because I know, deep down, that my BDD would terminate my chances of potentially getting promoted in a job. I am still only young and yes I am aware that having BDD and working sounds like an ultimate recipe for a disaster but still at the same time I am studying and that is already hard enough as it is.

    Yes my ex partner was really psychologically and verbally abusive towards me but at the same time I feel like BDD does jeopardise and sabotage a lot of relationships. One good thing it did though was help me recognise that he was an individual with some deeply buried burdens and demons too.

    PF.

    1 person found this helpful
  21. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    26 July 2021
    Also another thing about BDD that really irritates me is when I eat a bit of chocolate or some food that is considered ‘not as healthy’ I really get angry with myself. Aside from that I also feel an enormous amount of guilt too. Growing up, my mother would constantly tell me “if you eat anymore of that you’ll get fat!” Etc etc etc. And of course because I learnt to live with that for so long now that ideology has bleed into my adulthood too. It literally ruins my day if I have a snack .. e.g cookie or lamington. It’s so annoying and sad!
    :( >:(
  22. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    It’s late and I hit the wrong key, so my half message vanished. I don’t know if it was sent or if it simply disappeared, so please bear with me if you get two in a row with repetition.

    OK I’ll start again…

    Dear PsF~

    Welcome back, I’ve been wondering about how you are getting on - studies included – and am pleased to hear from you even if it is because you are having a hard time.

    You are not going to be able to explain it all, even to someone else with BDD, as your views are yours, unique. I do understand you see the world though different eyes, and that leads you to firmly believe there is something wrong or unattractive about your body.

    People can be vastly annoying: “It’s all in your head” -Duh! As far as I know ALL thoughts are in the head, not in a big toe or elsewhere -so not a helpful comment. Just shows how distant they are and what lack of life experience they have

    You are just attention seeking”. What rubbish! At most you are seeking a tiny bit of badly needed reassurance -which sadly will not last anyway.

    Words, no matter how genuine are not going to change how you feel. I’ve no idea about your body shape, or if you look great -or just ordinary. How could I? I do know you are intelligent, perceptive and have great musical taste, together with a disregard from the fashions of the moment -all hard and fast advantages.

    I know - as you do though maybe in different words – that you have been injured. This has left you with that world view, and a reaction when you would like to eat a treat – plus so much more -like not wanting to be with others and doubting you can hold a job and do well on it.

    I agree it is especially difficult and traumatic to deal with, I disagree everyone else is as important as you. Believe you have a right to have that injury go away. I expect with your intelligence you will eventually find a psych who will assist you in doing just that.

    Do you have a mental place you can retreat to and gain some rest from the pressure?

    Croix


    1 person found this helpful
  23. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hello Croix, how are you going? I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself during these unprecedented times.

    I have been meaning to pop in and say ‘hello’ but I have been really finding it difficult to put into words with what I am going through.

    The statement you said about thoughts obviously being in our head made me chuckle so much!! Haha thoughts in our big toe, that was great!!

    I have a psychologist who recently diagnosed me with BDD and autism. I always knew I had autism because I felt very different to other kids, my age, especially at kindergarten and more so primary school.
    I have severe sensory issues with loud loud noises and bright lights, but that’s not why I am here today!! Haah.

    Back to the BDD, I feel like the marshmallow man off Ghostbusters. I feel really alienated with the fact that every guy I have dated has treated me horribly and always bragged about how attractive or ‘hot’ other girls are. Of course I am not seeking validation from boys but it would have been nice if they gave me the reassurance I needed rather than knowing perfectly well with what I am dealing with and then talking about how amazing and gorgeous their ex crush is.

    I hope you are doing ok. I really do! Apologises that I have been a little MIA lately. What have you been up to lately?

    As for my studies I have recently received all high distinctions and distinctions for all of my classes. Applying for more universities so I can do the course that I originally had in mind.

    all the best,
    PF.

  24. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    27 July 2021

    I think what caused my BDD was having a mother that is/was so insecure about her weight and looks and of course she projected her insecurities onto me, especially from such a young age.

    I had a “friend” in primary school that said “don’t you actually have to be pretty to be a model.” As I jokingly said in a sarcastic and funny way “I want to be a model haha.”

    Then I started dating and most of the boys I dated treated me horribly.

    I was never popular at school and constantly ridiculed for my nose and my eyebrows.

    but then again, I’ve had hundreds of people come up to me in public and tell me how great I look.. so I am conflicted and very confused..?

  25. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    27 July 2021
    It feels like a fun house mirror.. a construction full of rolls of fat and thick cellulite. And yet when I tell people they think I am vain or trying to be so self absorbed.. but I’m not.
  26. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6630 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    Hi PF, 

    Thanks for your amazing and brave posts here on the forums, we can hear that you are going through a lot right now but think it so wonferful that you are able to reach out for support. Thank you for being such a great part of this community. 

    We thought it might be helpful to chat to someone on the phone about how you are feeling and wnated to let you know that we are always here if you need us on 1300 22 4636. 

    The Butterfly Foundation are also a brilliant resource for those with BDD or similiar experiences, they are experts in how these condtions can make you feel and would be able to offer brilliant specialist support. You can call them on 1800 33 4673. They have some information on Body Dysmorphic Disorder as well if that would be helpful for you. 

    Thank you again for sharing here, you never know who will see your thread and feel less alone on their own journey. 

    Kind regards, 
    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  27. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9851 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hello Dear PS...

    When we look in the mirror, we only see what’s on the outside of what makes us a person...Yes, I understand people wanting a beautiful body...but is that enough?...

    I think most people fall in love with what’s on the inside, after all that’s what really count...

    A little something I found on the Internet I would love to share with you and the others reading..

    You look in the mirror and sometimes you see a mess of a human being...But you don’t see the lives you’ve touched, or the people you’ve saved. You don’t see all the love you’ve given freely, or the extraordinary memories you’ve made. You are a book of beautiful moments and feelings”...

    Please dear PF, look deeper into the mirror and see your beautiful heart and soul, because that’s what matter to the majority of people....Here at Beyond Blue..we don’t see the physical person at all, only the words coming from their heart and soul....Yet we love/like, care, support these beautiful people, because we have seen them...from the inside, and don’t know what their outa body looks like...even if we did..would it really phase us....No, because it’s the inside what counts....You are a beautiful human being PF....don’t ever let others or yourself tell you any different...

    My kindest thoughts with my care, dear precious lady..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  28. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    27 July 2021
    So overwhelmed with everything. My parents divorce, the settlement of the house, finding somewhere to live. My mother is taking it to higher court because she wants 60/40.
  29. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6630 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    Hi PF, 

    We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling to overwhelmed right now, we can only imagine what it might be like to have all of that going on at once. Grandy has given some wonderful advice which we hope you can take on board too. 

    If you feel overwhelmed and think that chatting to someone might help, you can always give us a call on 1300 22 4636. Our team are here for you when you need us and want to be able to support you when you are feeling distressed. Or, if you prefer, you can cal Lifeline 13 11 14 and speak to one of their lovely team. 

    Thank you for being a part of this community and for hacing this conversation. 

    Kind regards, 

    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  30. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    27 July 2021

    My mother wants sixty over forty for the divorce money. If that happens then my dad and I may not find somewhere to live.

    She is trying to drag on the whole divorce process.

    stressed.
    PF

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up