Feeling lost.

I started a new job 2 weeks ago, was doing ok, but messed up today. The manager & I stayed back 1.5hrs to try & fix it.

I feel guilt about keeping him back, guilt for the stuff up. But also ashamed. Because of what happened. I had a “medical” incident. I doubt most here will understand, but I had a hypo (low blood sugar; I’m type 1 diabetic). As a type 1, when blood sugar gets too low you urgently need fast acting glucose to get your levels back up. Worse case scenario in extreme circumstances is seizures, or coma, or death. I’ve had an ambulance called & been hospitalised twice previously due to seizures from low blood sugar.

so today my blood sugar dropped too low. I became disoriented, was sweating as if I was in a sauna & kind of didn’t know what was going on. But I kept trying to do my job, was too embarrassed to speak up & say I needed help. And that’s why I messed up my order in the computer. But worse, no one around me even noticed I was having trouble or understood what danger I was in.

im so ashamed. So ashamed my body doesn’t work like it should, ashamed what happened was beyond my control, ashamed I didn’t speak up or ask for help, ashamed I messed up.

I don’t know how to face my colleagues tomorrow. I’m so embarrassed I don’t want to ever show my face again.

i hate that I can’t stick up for myself, or ask for help. I hate that I sometimes struggle because of my condition. I hate being different. I hate myself.

Just needed somewhere to let this all out…..

Hi.

I can remember one time at a place I worked at a guy accidently deleted records out of a database used to drive the content of a web site. Ouch! He had to go and tell the manager what happened. It took a couple of hours to fix - this was back in the early 2000s. The person that removed the records was quite embarrassed and felt quite guilt as well.

While I was not is manager I did also chat with him as I was a mentor of sorts to him. What I told him I will tell you. (And if sounds like the issue was fixed.) Problems can easily happen and it was able to be fixed. We live the fight another day. "M" will be upset for a while but you did the right thing. None of us are perfect.

And from my psychologist ... "a mistake is an opportunity for learning"

Fwiw... I get the similar feelings to you about mistakes. I have this need to be perfect or right. Things from my past get in the way ... I wonder if the same happened to you?

Can I ask whether you explained what happened to you boss?

Do any of your colleagues know what happened?

Hi TheBigBlue,

Its not your fault, it’s not your fault that your body does what it does it’s out of your control.

Don’t worry about what happened with the computer it can always be fixed.

Please have a chat to your boss tomorrow and let your boss know what you were going through I’m sure they will understand and they will also understand for the future if anything medically happens to you, this way they will be prepared and understand.

Do you know that our greatest struggles can lead us to our greatest achievements…… have faith in yourself….

Hello TheBigBlue, it may seem to be embarrassing but it shouldn't be because now your workmates will be on the look out to see whether or not you are having some type of reaction and if this did happen with someone else, they would be doing exactly the same with them.

It's good they are looking out for you and please don't be upset with yourself.

Geoff.

Eeek, dragging myself into work again today.

sounds stupid but one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Normally I would refuse to face the world & chuck a sickie. But we are already short a team member & that would leave my colleague completely alone so I can’t do it.

Thank god it’s my managers day off today & tomorrow, then it’s my “weekend” so I just need to get through these 2 days & then I can switch off from worrying about work for a few days.

I hate how living a normal life is so challenging with anxiety. Every day feels like there is a mountain to climb to overcome something. It really wears me down.

Anyway, I guess I should at least be proud of myself that I intend to actually turn up to work today…..

Hi TheBigBlue,
Diabetes is a physical condition, I am just a little familiar with. Some people are predisposed to that as to any other physical condition which might develop or not - & not easily predictable who or when. Like epilepsy or asthma, schizophrenia, glaucoma (a condition I have), arthritis (I also have), Parkinson's disease, & many more. Are we to feel ashamed of anyone & everyone who has developed any of these conditions?
I’ve known people with the conditions I’ve mentioned. They disclosed to me & taught me about their experiences, & let me know how I might help, in times of need.
That's why, I would strongly suggest telling your boss, even if you have to write a letter/email, explaining you have this condition. If he/she has questions, you could answer them or provide information about where to find out more.
I’m certain your boss would appreciate your honesty, better late than never.
If you continue dodging the issue of how you feel about having diabetes, & I suppose, you think others will feel the same, then those feelings will follow you wherever you go. & will be there when your blood sugar levels drop, & you happen to be where someone might notice you are unwell.
It was good of you to think of your colleague & get yourself into work. I'm sure that was not easy. I think, though, if you'd chucked a sickie, you would’ve beat up on yourself for that.
Yes, it is difficult to face up & think about these things, & not run away, feeling like you've dodged a bullet every time - that's exhausting, it's a never-ending cycle. I think you'll have a quicker way through it if you seek some help, & face & deal with these feelings. They are disrupting your life, causing you so much unhappiness, & you don't deserve to have to live like this.
You have told us. What is our respond?
& our bodies are not perfect machines. None of us has one of those yet.
Bodies will develop problems, just because, well, nature. At the genetic & cellular level, our bodies try to repair & renew, but not perfectly, so eventually things break down to a greater or lesser degree. We cannot stop that. So, the way your body is, is human.
Ease up on yourself. The mistake is not going to be a life sentence. You weren't sacked on the spot, right? So, give yourself a little slack, too.
mmMekitty

Well done The Big Blue going to work today I hope all is going well.

Yes anxiety is difficult but the more you defy it the stronger you will become.

Yes you should be proud of yourself 😊

The bigblue

Thanks for writing honestly about what happened and how you felt.

I know a bit about diabetes as I have a friend and family member who have type 1 diabetes.

I think we also need to be educated about diabetes and this would me a great chance for your colleagues to be educated.

I understand this incident would make you anxious. You have lots of support here and will get support at work once they know about diabetes.

Hi BigBlue

I understand how you feel. I've made stuff ups at work before. And at uni as well. Actually quite recently my uni demonstrator had to stay back on my behalf because of mistakes I had made during a prac session. So I get it.

Making mistakes in official settings where you have expectations is hard and stressful. I've been there. I've felt exactly how you feel. It really sucks.

It's ok though. It's not your fault. We all make mistakes. And everyone's body is fallible. This makes you human.

It's a common denominator between you and every other person on earth (including your colleagues and manager).

You don't need to be ashamed. Its normal. You're a person.