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Forums / Anxiety / Life is so hard right now

Topic: Life is so hard right now

  1. Booklover17
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    27 August 2021

    Hi

    Haven’t posted in a while but really struggling. In lockdown, have anxiety, live alone, can’t participate in singles bubble and going through a divorce. Anytime I have a conversation with someone it’s always like “well talk to you later.” I just wish just one person would stop saying this and just talk to me for a bit longer. I fee so lonely right now. It’s not like I can tel my friends/ family how I am feeling - they don’t get it and have not checked in with me at all - they seem to be unaware or don’t want to ask how I am really doing. I just want someone to talk to me.

    3 people found this helpful
  2. white knight
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    27 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi, welcome back!. It has been a while.

    That single period following separation is really hard to endure. I've been in that zone 3 times now and promptly found another partner quite quickly to relieve that loneliness.

    One obvious problem is people are much busier than ever before even in lockdown while others don't tend to have ling conversations. But it's sad they can't predict your sadness and need for their company.

    My wife and I talked about this today, what we'd do if one of us passed away. Both of us agreed the one left alone would buy two little dogs. We have a 9yo mini foxy and she's adorable. Two of them would play together and keep one company. But you might not be in that situation.

    I also have the advantage of several interests. I'm retired but active. I just finished building our house. Now I do gardening, welding, reply to others here which is rewarding, follow a footy team and walk the dog. But I do have cuppa' s and conversations with my wife and that's the hollow you find hard to fill.

    I don't have any other ideas atm. I'm glad you feel comfortable returning to the forum

    TonyWK

  3. Snaedis
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    22 posts
    27 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi Booklover17's

    I am so sorry you feel like this but there's a lot of people out there feeling same as you and maybe that will provide with some comfort. I am personally struggling to shake of feelings of depression and anxiety so I dont want to sound like know it all. You may have already done this but ask if your friend or family is able to talk to you a little longer, being straightforward might just help. Something else that worked for me was telling myself forget those people who don't care enough and focus on myself, because I am the only one that can care for myself. So, love to be with yourself, read books, and go out for a walk (if you can) and get a coffee. One thing that I heard in therapy thats helped me so much is see yourself as a another person and treat them like you want to be treated. I might exactly know how you feel when you just want someone to check up on you and genuinely talk to you. I hope maybe this helped or maybe I just babbled on. But if you feel like talking to someone just message, always here xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Booklover17
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    28 August 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony,

    Thank you so much for your kind reply. I don’t mind my own company really but I just really need some human contact right now. I have a cat and love having a cat and that helps but I also need some human contact too. I decided to organise online trivia with some of my friends because I thought this could be fun but they all cancelled on me. Something must be wrong with me. That or I need some new friends. Thank you for your message, I really appreciate it.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Booklover17
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    28 August 2021 in reply to Snaedis

    Hi Snaedis

    Thank you so much for your message. I just miss human company so much. As I said to Tony I organised online trivia for some of my friends and they all cancelled. Something is wrong with me or I need new friends.

  6. white knight
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    28 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi again

    It seems you have good insight and I think the disappointment of then cancelling has caused you reactions.

    It's also good you know of some of the remedies like finding new friends. That's s good idea.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I find thinking of friends as a fluid motion is best, some come and go, some are toxic needing disconnection and others are best forever but that's us dreaming.

    Sometimes it's a good idea to not contact friends and wait till they contact you. It's a test really as a sound friendship take effort on both sides.

    TonyWK

  7. Booklover17
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    28 August 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony,

    Thank you. I have done that before - not contacting friends and waiting for them to contact me. They do eventually. I guess maybe they want a different type of friendship than me - they want a more come and go casual thing and I want a type of friend who checks in on a more regular basis - especially since they do know of my situation. Guess I am dreaming. Sorry I am so negative. Just how I am feeling right now.

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Learn to Fly
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    28 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hey Booklover1

    Thank you so much for your post and reaching out. I am here for you. Tell us a bit more what goes through your mind or heart, if you feel like. You are so right: these days everyone seems to operate on the “talk you later” mode. Due to restrictions it is virtually impossible to create a situation of friendly intimacy and share whatever is bothering you.
    Look after yourself.

  9. Hanna3
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    3219 posts
    28 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi Book lover17 and welcome!

    It's really hard to make friends and for those of us living alone it can be tough! I've come to the conclusion you only find a very few really good friends you can rely on.

    I live alone with my little dog and I've tried over and over to make a couple of friends here, but in a large regional town the women in my age group seem to have cliques they've known forever and they don't need anyone new. I can't find a way in and now lockdowns make it even worse!

    Does your name mean you like reading? We are in hard lockdown here but I love reading and keep in touch with a few book bloggers in Australia and it's a real help to have them to chat with even online like here.

    I've also noticed when I am out walking my dog how many people alone are also lonely and in need of a chat. Even just this is a help. Is there a park where you could walk and maybe try chatting to someone else alone or walking a dog?

    You're very welcome to browse the forums and join in any discussions here!

    Are you in a city or regional area?

    I'm sorry your friends cancelled on your plans. It's hurtful and disappointing when people do that.

    Being lonely is a problem for so many of us these days so please don't think it's about you!

    I miss just being able to chat with the staff in the library when I go there but that's closed now too!

    I learn music here and at least I can talk to a couple of people from my music school on the phone as we can't meet up in lockdown!

    Being lonely and needing human company is something I truly understand and it's miserable.

    Be kind to yourself. Do keep talking to people here!

    I wish I could think of more ideas but I think I'm having the same problems as you are! I don't know what I'd do without my dog Sam.

    Cats are great too! What's his/her name and what kind is he/she?

    Virtual hugs to you from me and little Sam (in my picture) 🙂🐾🐕💖🌷😷🎶

  10. Sophia16
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    28 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hey Booklover,

    I'm really sorry that you feel that way. This lockdown has changed a lot of people's lives. I know how you feel. I have lost a lot of friends during this lockdown. No one keeps in touch.

    Say hi to your friends once in a while, they probably are feeling the same way as you. Telling your family how you feel can also be really helpful.

    Just remember, this community is here to support you! So if you need someone to talk to all the time, we are here!

    There are also certain apps where you can make new friends such as Yubo and Friended :)

    I hope you are feeling okay!

  11. white knight
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    9215 posts
    29 August 2021 in reply to Sophia16

    Hi booklover

    I find that although I'm a motivated, positive person, it's unrealistic to expect that elevated state to remain that way, especially if we have a mental issue where moods or depression is unpredictable.

    So, through these swings and roundabouts we can time our launch into motivation when our moods dictates the best time or when a depressive cycle drifts away.

    Below are several threads. If you like, just read the first post of each. Use Google (no obligations)

    Beyondblue topic the timing of motivation

    Beyondblue topic 30minutes can change your life

    Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

    Beyondblue topic switching mindsets

    Beyondblue topic distraction and variety

    Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

    TonyWK

  12. Metal kitty
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    13 posts
    29 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi Booklover.

    Thanks for sharing. I joined last night and this is my first post.

    It really is hard! I understand a fair bit of what you are dealing with.

    I'm living in my forth house for the year. Seperating from my husband and step kids. Quit my career just before we broke up. I swear I'm the only single person and everyone I know is in long term relationships. So my head keeps asking what the hell is wrong with me. My saving grace is I moved into a joined house with massive shared backyard that my friend and her family own just before lockdown #6. So I have a bubble.

    What I don't have is people to talk to. Who understand.

    Happy to talk anytime with you. Would share a singles bubble with you if it was possible.

  13. Booklover17
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    29 August 2021 in reply to Learn to Fly

    Hi Learn to Fly,

    Thanks so much for your reply. That’s very true. The other problem is people take days to reply to my texts if at all. It’s not fair and I am done with being treated this way.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Booklover17
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    29 August 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Hi Hanna,

    Thanks so much for your reply and sorry to hear you are going through similar things. There is a park but I am on the strictest lockdown so no/one stops to chat. Also live in a big city and people are not that chatty. Won’t put my cat’s name here just coz I want to stay anonymous but she is a tabby and a real comfort to me. I hope you can find some more friends soon. Sam is really cute 🙂

  15. Booklover17
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    29 August 2021 in reply to Sophia16

    Hi Sophia,

    Thanks so much for your reply. I reach out to my friends a lot but they don’t reach out to me or they take days to reply to my texts. I can’t do it anymore. My family also doesn’t understand they are old school and don’t talk about their feelings much.

  16. Booklover17
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    29 August 2021 in reply to white knight
    Thank you Tony
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Booklover17
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    29 August 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal Kitty

    Thanks so much for your reply and well done to you on your first post! The first is the hardest. I am so glad you have people around. Mine are all in long term relationships too and they don’t understand what I am going through.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Learn to Fly
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    29 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi Booklover17,

    If somebody doesn’t respond straight away, or even within the same day, I don’t take it personally as everyone have their own busy lives so I get it. But after few days, that’s a bit on the “I have some better things to do” side. What is your view in this?

  19. Booklover17
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    29 August 2021 in reply to Learn to Fly

    Hi Learn to Fly,

    If they don’t respond in the same day yes I take it personally. Anyone can take 5 minutes at lunch or after work to respond. My friends take at least 3 days to respond usually - I find that ridiculous. I am with you on them thinking they have better things to do yes. I am done. I am always the one reaching out more and I get nothing back.

    2 people found this helpful
  20. Hanna3
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    3219 posts
    29 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi again Booklover17

    I've decided here I'd people don't respond after I've suggested catching up a couple of times I write them off. I just feel bad about myself if I keep trying!

    I think meeting through common interests is the best way and through work.

    Unfortunately lockdowns are making this difficult for those of us who live alone!

    I have long ago accepted I am happy if I have just a couple of friends. Anyone else may just be an acquaintance I chat with sometimes which is OK.

    Cats are great!

    I'm about to do music lessons via Zoom this week. Is there anything you can do online during the lockdown to at least give you a bit of company even though it's not what you need it's better than no company?

    I do enjoy chatting with people here and we've been talking for a long time now even though we've never met in person.

    Keep talking here when you feel like it and you can join in other threads. Hang in there! 🙂🐾🎶🦚

  21. Booklover17
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    29 August 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Hi Hanna,

    That is a good rule to have. My friends are long-term ines so I would find that really hard but I think I will do the same. I am not sure about online activities but I will have to look into it.

    Thank you, I appreciate it 🙂

  22. Metal kitty
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    13 posts
    30 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi Booklover

    THanks for your support. It really means a lot.

    I feel so grateful for the people that have come back into my life.

    It's just difficult to talk about certain things with these families. I'm just so unsure of myself and everything that is happening.

    I hope you had a good day today.

  23. Learn to Fly
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    31 August 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi Booklover17,

    Got ya.

    If getting in touch with your long time friends isn't really working atm how would you feel about starting some new friendships? BB is a great start cause all of us here are for a supportive chat. Metal Kitty has joined us and sent some beautiful and kind words. And looks like she is experiencing the same situation as you. It's always great to meet new people even just to remind ourselves that there is always another person who might feel like yourself, understand your feelings and support you through hard times. That's what we are here for.

    Have you checked some other portals? Local community FB pages? FB groups of interests? Just sharing some ideas with you. No pressure, though.

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Metal kitty
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    13 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to Learn to Fly

    Thanks Learn to Fly.

    It sure is hard to find support and people who understand what each of us are experiencing.

    I hope everyone here is finding that support during this seventh lockdown.

    1 person found this helpful
  25. MSydney
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    2 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hi Booklover17

    I have just joined up today and reading some posts. Came across your post and completely relate, fining someone to talk to seems to be difficult and especially someone who understands your situation who you can open up to.

    Covid restrictions seem to make it even more difficult.

    Wonder is there are some support groups that can be joined?

    All the best

  26. Goldwing03
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    5 September 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    Hey Booklover17

    Living alone must be really tough during the pandemic! I think all your feelings are really valid. It's important I think to find ways in which you can take care of yourself. I personally find that reading a nice book, going on walks, and cooking help me be distracted from loneliness a lot.

    You could also perhaps consider getting a pet? I think a pet is one of the most wonderful things to have and would really keep you company :)

    Here if you need to talk!

  27. Learn to Fly
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    5 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal Kitty and Booklover17,

    I admit I have never gone through what you have been experiencing. Still, I like to ensure that troubled souls are heard and responded to, just so you know that some people care about you and your stories.

    Take care there.

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Metal kitty
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    6 September 2021 in reply to Learn to Fly

    Thanks so much Learn to Fly.

    As a new member of this community, I want to talk, want to reply, want to support others and want to be involved. I know I need help. Finding help is so difficult.

    To be acknowledged straight away, honestly, you have no idea how much that means.

    How are you doing Booklover??

  29. Learn to Fly
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    6 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hello Metal Kitty,

    We are all here for you and to hear to your thoughts, feelings, stories, experiences, should you decide to share them with us. There is no pressure and no judgement, only gentle and kind words of support. Hope you can feel it.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Sophia16
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    9 September 2021 in reply to Booklover17

    i am really sorry about that.

    Just remember, you have the beyond blue community to help you through your hardship. We are always here for you :)

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