Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Anxiety / running low on motivation and self-esteem

Topic: running low on motivation and self-esteem

12 posts, 0 answered
  1. cacti
    cacti avatar
    4 posts
    15 September 2021

    I am having tremendous difficulties getting over failure and unsatisfactory work results. Me being that one hardcore academic who performs poorly in every aspect of life except for academics and arts makes it easy to develop an obsession for academic achievements.

    I've been failing my own standards pretty hard for the past months even though I study for hours. My social anxiety grew exponentially and my odd temper has been driving my friends away. I'm worried that I won't be able to pursue an ideal career if this carries on. I doubt my intellectual abilities every second minute. I always am apologetic towards the people around me whom I've been nasty to so I would avoid them more. I can't sleep nor eat normally. I wake up mid-night and cry in our backyard like . Nothing I do seems to satisfy me as long as my performance isn't perfect.

    I got another score back today and I am falling behind on ranks, used to be top of the year in chem and bio but currently I am hardly top 10. I loathe myself for having absolutely zero talent in anything besides studying, if I'm like this now what am I going to do in the near future? Am I supposed to give it all up and aim for an ordinary pathway instead because I am just mediocre? I have no one to talk to on these problems as by doing so it'd put pressure on them or in some ways sabotage their mental health.

    Now I'm lying down not willing to do anything useful, there's another exam coming up and I can't even bring myself to study for it, I'm just so done, it'd be easier if I just cease to exist one day. As a kid I've always dreamed of becoming a pioneer scientist but now it'd sound like a joke. Is it all inside my head or is it already too late

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5658 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to cacti

    Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need as we know it hard going through this alone.

    If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

    One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    If you’d like there is always support which may be helpful and your always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline  They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. In addition there is Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.
     

  3. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    103 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to cacti

    Hi cacti,

    First off, you are never too late to achieve a goal. Especially a career path you have been dreaming of since you were a kid.

    You do not need to be in the top 10 to achieve a dream. There are 1000 pathways to get what you want. Tafe, college, early entry, etc.

    Please never give up on what you want to achieve. What you are going through is all just temporary and trust me in a years time you will look back and say to yourself 'why was I even stressing?'

    Stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

  4. Mbnbkk jmnmnm impuju um mom
    Mbnbkk jmnmnm impuju um mom avatar
    5 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to cacti
    Gee, I would be proud of myself for even passing. Chemistry is no cake walk- you must have a lot of self discipline and brains to navigate your way through it. To be honest you sound like you really have a lot going for you and possibly you can’t see it.
  5. Miz
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Miz avatar
    36 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to cacti

    Hi Cacti,

    I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this. I think it's important to remember that in the scheme of things these tiny slips in ranks really do not matter. A lot of brilliant scientists are the way they are because they are creative and have a passion for what they do. I promise you that they did not all come first in all their subjects. It sounds like you're getting really overwhelmed and I think the best thing woul dbe to take a short break from your study to get some fresh perspective. There are so many pathways to succeed in life and school marks really do not matter down the track. Try and do something else for yourself. You mentioned you like art - maybe getting a bit creative and using this as an outlet?

    Here to talk more if you need. But take it from someone who struggled in school and is now working in science - you will be okay. Even if that's hard to believe at the moment.

  6. jaz28
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jaz28 avatar
    116 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to cacti

    Hi Cacti,

    Please know that we are all prisoners to our own standards. It is hard when you let yourself down.

    Something I live by is that if I put in my best that's all I can do. Even if my best at that time isn't my best ever, it's the best you can do given your circumstances, mental health etc. And - ranks aren't everything.

    Is there a counsellor you could talk to at school?

    Stay strong,

    Jaz.

  7. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1111 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to cacti

    Hi cacti,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Sorry you are feeling this way.

    Please be kind to yourself, I think you are still doing really well even if your not in the top 10…….

    Anxiety can make things feel out of control……. when I had anxiety I had trouble eating, sleeping I seeked professional help……

    If you are feeling distressed please make an appointment with your gp you could do a mental health plan together… this will enable you to see a psychologist….. who can help you with many things….

    Have you thought about talking to your parents about the way you are feeling? I’m sure they would like to support you…

    Im here to chat

  8. cacti
    cacti avatar
    4 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hello,

    First of all thank you very much for taking your time to reply. I've discussed with my parents multiple times and they aren't very supportive of me getting professional help. Which is why I resorted to online platforms hoping there'd be someone for me to talk to without my parents finding out. Most of my family speak very harshly regarding my school work, it's difficult to have a calm conversation with them at times.

    Regards

  9. cacti
    cacti avatar
    4 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to jaz28

    Hello,

    Thank you for the reply. There is a school counselor who is very kind and willing to help and I talk to her from time to time. However I don't feel like it is giving me much long-term benefits as I always fall back to my obsessive mindset. I have no idea how I'll continue into highschool.

    Regards

  10. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1111 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to cacti

    Hi cacti,

    Im sorry to hear your parents aren’t very supportive……..

    Myself and other members of our kind and caring community are always here to chat to you anytime…….

    It sounds to me like you are doing really well with your school work….

    Practice speaking to yourself kindly tell yourself positive things about yourself….

    When you are feeling overwhelmed practice slowing down your breathing…..

    Practice meditation you could find a guided meditation on your phone…. Meditation is a great calming practice……..

    Please be kind to yourself…. Tell yourself you are doing well and believe it…. No matter what others say to you …… you have your own mind and you can choose to tell yourself good things about yourself no matter what others have to say…

    Please chat to me any time 😊

  11. cacti
    cacti avatar
    4 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to Miz

    Hello,

    Your words are inspiring to me, I am grateful. The pressure from my family has always made me believe that I can't achieve anything if I am not the top graduate, and now it's like a part of my instincts - to be the top graduate or nothing at all. I find it hard to get out of this mindset.

    By the way, what field of science do you work in? You don't have to answer me, just a bit curious.

    Regards

  12. Sandy95
    Sandy95 avatar
    1 posts
    16 September 2021 in reply to cacti

    Hey Cacti,

    Hoping that you are somewhat feeling a little better today. It's so hard when you grow up with influences like this around you and without knowing it you develop this perfectionist mindset, nothing is good enough, the negative self talk starts and you are constantly putting yourself down and the fear of failing grows worse and worse. And sadly, the only way to stop this, is to work on it - observe these thoughts, have conversations about them and shut it out (which can be so hard at times I know).

    High school can seem so black and white sometimes - like there is only one way to be the best, one avenue to be successful - but to be honest that's not true at all... The only important thing is that you are passionate about something - and it seems you are about science - if you are passionate you will always find a way - and it will be YOUR way. You can't compare yourself to people around you - things that work for other people don't have to work for you!

    This might be a powerful lesson for you right now in this moment, and you might be able to learn something from it that other people haven't experienced yet. At the end of the day you need to prioritise yourself, love yourself and take care of your health. I'm sure your parents would want that too. Be kind to yourself. Just because you are not the 'top' graduate, does not mean you don't deserve to be here, or that you don't deserve success and happiness.

    Sometimes it helps to have outside perspective, or think about what advice you would give to a friend in this position - because it will show you that you are in fact being harsh on yourself. There is so much more to life than the top graduate position or grade - so much to experience, don't let yourself be dragged down that these things just pass you by.

    I totally believe in you! You are kind, passionate, caring and hard-working. These bad moments are temporary and things will always get better. Here anytime xx

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up