So what do you want first? Good news, or Bad News...?
Lets start with the good news shall we....? I am alive and Manic! Too much, too fast, too many, too fun! I am enjoying it though as the fact that I am alive is a real kick at the moment. Work is awesome, I feel like Im good at it and people are loving my enthusiasm (read as: talkative, bouncy, excited and MANIC!) despite being easily distracted by shiny things, hahaha! So whats the bad news then, L7?
The bad news is that about two weeks ago I was on the edge of the Darkness looking down into a pit of complete despair and I decided to just jump into it. I had it planned and I was committed to end it all. Luckily my support network realised something was terribly wrong and they talked to me and took away my intended "tools of self-destruction" until they knew I was going to be alright. It was really really tough and I was a complete mess. My whole body was aching from crying and I wanted to curl into a ball and disappear from sight. This happened just after I visited my family interstate, which in hindsight seemed like it was meant as a final goodbye. But L7, you know this is a challenge and a rollercoaster, you know it gets better, you know to just keep your head above water.... Why do this to yourself??
My answer is this: I wasnt myself. I was mentally and chemically unbalanced. My body felt like a shell. I forgot EVERYTHING i have ever said here and talked about with my psychiatrist! I wasnt myself at all.
SO, what have I learnt from this? REACH OUT!! Reach out to BeyondBlue, Lifeline, ANYONE! Do not step off into the Darkness, its not any better in there.. in fact it may even be worse. If you are not yourself then you owe it to your Future Self to take a step back and say "whoa, this isnt right. I need help."
Anyway lets finish on a positive note by saying much love to you all and I hope your Future Self remembers what I have said here today.
This is L7 signing off for now :)