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Forums / Anxiety / Work, anxiety… wanting advice please

Topic: Work, anxiety… wanting advice please

24 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    26 July 2021

    Hi all

    I feel like every time I post here it’s a work related issue for me. I’m starting to see a pattern…

    anyway, I started a new job around one month ago now. It’s in a brand new field so all new to me. The company is amazing, it’s a great culture with great people.. the only thing is I don’t know if the role itself is right for me

    I’m only touching on the tip of the iceberg with the role as I’m still new but already I feel out of my depth. I can see myself getting burnt out in the future as the job requires some big hours and a lot of work!
    I don’t know what to do as I feel like this is the perfect organisation and culture for me to work in, but the role itself perhaps isn’t

    I come home and my brain can’t switch off, I’m doubting myself and have lost my appetite due to the anxiety

    I’d love some advice as I’m just feeling very confused and my anxiety has been bad lately with thoughts running wild!

    best, Bella

  2. Pumpkinella
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    98 posts
    26 July 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Thanks so much for sharing Bella. I too had this experience, fantastic organisation, friendly people but the job was a nightmare.

    I know the dilemma – ‘Is this just me panicking and I need to give it time OR is this role excessively difficult and will lead to me crying in the work toilets every day?’

    It’s hard to gauge. The best thing I did was speaking to my manager. I told him about the anxiety I was experiencing and the specific aspects of the role that worried me. If they have a great culture they should respond with empathy, support and understanding. If they do not - you have your answer.

    It also really helps with anxiety. Suddenly you are not suffering in silence - instead, your employer knows how you feel and will support you. It can be hard making that first move, you might think ‘I sounded really confident in the interview.’ In reality we all put our best foot forward in interviews and experiencing anxiety when starting a new role (ESPECIALLY a really demanding one) is completely normal. You are simply telling your manager what you are experiencing and what support you may need. Managers help with this stuff ALL the time, so you are not doing anything out of the ordinary. They will actually appreciate it, they would rather be given the opportunity to address the issue.

    That’s what happened in my experience. My employer, however, despite making promises and being warm and empathetic, did not deliver on the supports. So, knowing that I had done what I could to correct the situation, I resigned. Was it sad leaving people that I got on with so well? Sure, but nice people just can’t compensate for my serious anxiety and poor health - so in the end - I mostly felt relieved.

    Overall, it’s so important to put your health first. If that means you need to resign at some point, then that’s okay. Even though it feels like an office as good as this will NEVER come along again, it’s not true – there are always new opportunities.

    I would also recommend talking to a psychologist or counsellor if you don’t already have one. Remember they are there for any kind of dilemma or issue. It could just be one session but might really help clarify things for you and help you sort out a plan of action!

    Just a side note – work can be a really stressful place so it may not be that unusual that your anxiety is triggered in work environments. That’s why we all want to retire already! Lol.

    Hope this helps :)

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Amanda2000
    Amanda2000 avatar
    135 posts
    26 July 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hi Bella,

    I know what you mean about not being able to switch off. Going to the office is not so bad for me because once I leave the office, the change of environment to home disengages my work-mode. However working-from-home is not the same - once I'm switched-on, I cannot switch off. I cannot enjoy my evenings at all. I want to watch tv but I just cannot relax at all. My head is in a mess with stupid thoughts all over the place. My mind is wandering. I cannot focus on what I'm watching.

    On my workdays I just live with the misery. I try to use work as a distraction. But on my days-off, I make sure I stay away from anything work-related. I don't answer the phone. I don't switch on the computer. I try to completely disengage to give myself a break. Maybe give this a try!

    Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to Amanda2000

    Hi Natalie and Amanda

    thank you for your responses! I am actually booked in for a session with a counsellor through a workplace assistance program tonight. I’ve never done that before so that’ll be interesting to see how that goes

    Natalie - did you end up finding another great place to work? How’s everything going for you now?

    Amanda, thank you for the tips! And I totally know what you mean about not being able to focus during the evenings. Sadly I do that as well and even on sundays from about lunch time onwards my brain just flicks over to work and anxiety mode. It’s a real bummer

  5. Gambit87
    Gambit87 avatar
    702 posts
    28 July 2021

    Hi Nervybella,

    I was talking to my psychologist about a very similar experience to yours! and we talked about imposter syndrome. Doubting your abilities, your worth feeling like you don't belong.

    You wouldn't have got the job if your employer didn't think you were capable.

    Whats helped me get through the doubt is acceptance. Accept your worth it, accept your capable, accept its going to take time to learn the ropes of the new job, accept that people think highly of you!

    All the best!

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Amanda2000
    Amanda2000 avatar
    135 posts
    2 August 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hi Bella,

    Here we are - Monday again! Just wondering how you're doing? How did you go in the session with your workplace assistance program?

  7. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    2 August 2021 in reply to Amanda2000

    Hi Amanda

    Thanks for reaching out!
    I spent the weekend having a really good think about what I want from my job, what I like, what I don’t like. I’m starting to formulate a better understanding for myself but still struggling on how to approach this and how much to share with my boss

    the call with the employees assistance program was unfortunately barely beneficial. While the woman was very friendly she just spent 30 mins doing a breathing exercise with me. What I really wanted was to talk it through and get advice

    how are you going today Amanda?

  8. Amanda2000
    Amanda2000 avatar
    135 posts
    2 August 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hi Bella,

    Great to hear from you.

    Oh weekends are the worst for me. I've just updated my thread "too overwhlemed". Please have a read.

    My work has also subscribed to EAP. It's probably the same one as yours. Although the contents discussed are confidential, the employer does get the name of the employee. I wasn't comfortable with that.

    If you want to talk things through, maybe you should try seeing a psychologist. You can always stop after the first session if you find it's not helping.

  9. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    2 August 2021 in reply to Amanda2000

    Hi Amanda

    I looked into the privacy of the eap before signing up. The way this one works is that my employer is given data and shown bookings for the number of people using the system but it has names and identifying info taken off. Basically they’re sent the bill after the phone call

    I have thought about seeing a psychologist again however my previous experience was similar in that they did a lot of breathing, visualising exercises rather than really talking and getting to the root cause. Maybe I need a counsellor instead of a psychologist??

  10. Pumpkinella
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    Pumpkinella avatar
    98 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hi Nervybella,

    Sorry I only just saw your message from ages ago. How are you going at work now?

    For me - I did find a job where I felt more comfortable and now I'm v. happy there. There were still challenges (there are in every new role) but from my past experience with the other place and a little more support for my organisation this time around, I was able to get through it relatively unscathed.

  11. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    29 September 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella

    Hey Pumpkinella!

    work for me… I’m still very anxious but my thought pattern has changed. I’ve realised it’s just not the job for me. I have thought about it a lot and I know what I do want but it’s a matter of making it happen that’s causing me stress now.

    Im finding it hard to get motivated now and fear I’m kind of checking out in a way…

    I don’t know what or how to approach this with my manager

    so glad you found another great job! It’s nice to hear someone coming out the other side in a positive way :)

    best

    bella

  12. Pumpkinella
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    98 posts
    29 September 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Good morning Nervybella,

    I'm glad you have come to a realisation. It can be really difficult persevering at a place under stress and trying to figure out how you feel! I think you gave it a really good go and you should definitely pat yourself on the back for that.

    I'm guessing you are stressed about handing in your resignation? It's really hard I know. Are you worried about his/her reaction?

    May I ask is this a new line of work you are trying out or is it something you have been doing for a while and just switching jobs?

    Hope you have a wonderful day.

    Pumps

  13. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    29 September 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella

    Hi Pumps

    I haven’t/am not up to handing in my resignation yet as I don’t have another job to go to.
    this was a totally new career path/area for me as I just finished studying. I’ve realised I want a broader scope role in that area rather than the niche I’m I’m currently.

    I feel sick and stuck about what to do as I’m terrified this is going to impact my mental health if I stay too long on a job I don’t like

  14. Pumpkinella
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    29 September 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hey Nervybella,

    Ah I see, yes that's really hard. I am wondering if its easier to get a job in the area you used to work in - if you are really familiar with it and therefore would be less anxious - while you look for another job in your new area? Gives you a bit more breathing room? Like just a job that doesn't have a great amount of responsibility that's relatively easy to get.

    I was in administration, I trained up in mental health but I went back to admin again because I was in the exact situation you find yourself in. Then I looked for a job while doing a real basic admin role.

    Its hard because changing jobs - even to a role we have had before - can still be stressful so you'll have to weigh up whether its less stress doing that or not...

    I was watching an interesting video lately and it was going through ways of handing life stressors and decision making. It said to write down every single way of dealing with the issue - even ones that are not realistic - literally anything you can think of, and then narrow it down to what looks like would work best for you. It looked like a good motivating practice. Not sure if it might be useful here...?

    Hope ur okay this afternoon

    Pumps

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    29 September 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella

    Hi Pumps

    that sounds like an interesting video! Not a bad idea, I might try it.

    I could potentially go back to my old type of job which was reception/admin but I really hated being customer facing. That’s what I’m trying to get away from. I’m also wary how that might look on my resume and impact me moving forward.

    I know at some stage I’ll have to talk to my manager I just don’t know how. Plus being working from home adds another layer of complexity I feel.

    are you more settled in your role now?

  16. Pumpkinella
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    30 September 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hey Nervybella,

    Yeah I'm definitely more settled now, getting extra training helped as well. I did a psych degree but it gave me no practical experience, so I did a certificate IV mental health which was all practical and it helped so much. I was so stressed about screwing up and upsetting a client because I didn't have any guidance on what to do. Literally what do I even say? haha. So while I went back to work in admin I did that extra study and that helped me get the job later - and as you say didn't look bad on my resume.

    But you know what going back to what you formerly did need not look bad. You could just say that you wanted to ensure the next role was really suitable and it gave you the space to do that. Its actually a sign of maturity and signals to the prospective employer that you are being really considered in your approach to what job you choose.

    When you say you know you'll have to talk to your manager, do you mean discuss how you are feeling in the role at the moment or do you mean eventually resign?

    Totally get wanting to avoid customer facing - I avoided it like the plague - I was always lurking behind the scenes - like office admin.

  17. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    30 September 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella

    Hi Pumps

    sounds like you handled that whole situation really well! Nice one :)

    I feel like I need to tell my manager how I’m feeling about not enjoying my work as he has started mentioning planning things out for the future etc and I just don’t think it’s right for me to stay quiet. Plus maybe having the conversation about resigning too? I don’t really know

  18. Pumpkinella
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    1 October 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hey Nervybella,

    Yeah I understand its a bit awkward. Their talking about the future and your sitting there thinking "if only you knew."

    Just so you know its definitely okay to stay quiet though. You would not be doing anything wrong. Most (I would say nearly all) people have plans to resign well before handing their notice.

    Its just the nature of being a manager. People leaving after realising the job isn't for them is a very common experience that managers are paid to handle.

    I think if you want to do the right thing its just about when you do have new job lined up, you give your employer some notice. i.e. its not great to say "I'm leaving in three days" for instance.

    Having said that, once I had such a bad breakdown I cried and told them I cant come back. And they were really understanding.

    I think you did have a conversation with your employer at the beginning about how you felt in the role, is that right?

    How are you coping with the day to day work at the moment?

  19. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella

    Hey Pumps

    thanks for the advice, that really helped me put it into perspective.. I’m always so afraid of doing “the wrong thing” that I can become consumed by it. But you’re right, people do this every day and as blunt as it sounds, we are all replaceable at work.

    I did have a chat to my manager a while ago to say I was unsure about the role, so any movement on my end shouldn’t come as a complete shock I suppose.

    day to day, it’s getting a little easier as I learn more but highlights it’s not the role for me as so many aspects are things I was trying to get away from.
    I guess you just don’t know these things until you try them…

  20. Pumpkinella
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    4 October 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    That's alright Nervybella I think we are quite similar because I too can become consumed by these things and put all this undue pressure on myself. Its funny what you said about being replaceable, that's something my auntie had to remind me of when I was in a similar predicament. No one is indispensable she said. Thank god for that.

    Yeah that's what I was going to say - it probably will not be incredibly shocking especially since you are new to the role and as I said its quite common for people to leave after just starting as they realise its not right for them.

    Yep I agree, we cant know unless we try. Its hard at the start I think because you have to try a few different things and see what works for you in your new vocation but its just a part of the process and its really good once you find it.

    I'm glad its at least getting a little easier on a day to day basis though, would you say your anxiety/mental health is fairing okay? are you doing things to help you unwind and get some space? What are the lunch breaks like there?

  21. Nervybella
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    141 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella

    Well, yesterday was a big day. I ended up having a chat to my manager just expressing how I felt and why I felt the way I do. They were very understanding and nice about it but did tell me to take a day off and think about what I want to do. Ultimately, do you want to leave or not.

    after some big talks with my family I decided to resign. This conversation was going to happen at some point and I just had to be honest with myself. I feel a bit odd about it all as I don’t want to leave the people but the job just isn’t what I want and I know I wouldn’t be able to stay longer term

  22. Pumpkinella
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    5 October 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    Hi Nervybella,

    That's great news. Sounds like you handled it perfectly. I was the same - you have to talk it out with everyone first and then you come to your decision and you just do it. Its funny we find it so scary but 95% of the time they're so understanding.

    Yes it is a very big day emotionally isn't it. Do you feel a bit relieved now?

    Will you be able to take a bit of a break (even a short one) to unwind and reset?

    Congrats to you - I would treat myself with something for sure!

  23. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella

    Hey Pumps

    yes that’s exactly it! I had to verbalise my thoughts and get input from those who know me best. Once I’d done that it was clear for me.

    I certainly feel a bit relieved but nervous at the same time as I don’t have another job lined up. I think I’ll give myself a week to just decompress and then go hard At applying

  24. Pumpkinella
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    6 October 2021 in reply to Nervybella

    So good right to have those people in our lives that know us really well can can bring us clarity :) and you can know you made the right decision.

    Sound like a good plan, the break gives you more time to think about what you want so you just don't go for any job. I hope something comes up soon for you! Congrats again :)

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