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Forums / BB Social Zone / Worst Joke Wednesday

Topic: Worst Joke Wednesday

  1. tranzcrybe
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    3 August 2021 in reply to Croix
    I think you're a bit confused, my dear Croix -
    It should be a parliament of owls WHO...
    and clearly the EYES have it in this instance!
    But then again, if horses are silly enough to eat ducks, they deserve all they get...
    2 people found this helpful
  2. quirkywords
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    4 August 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe

    Actually writing this on a Wednesday.

    this is an oldie but a goodie, I had it on. T shirt.

    Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

    one more

    Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Guest9337
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    7 August 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    We have paid $10000 aud to see the following comedic act, we booked a full day off work, we told all our friends we are unavailable that day and we arrived early to beat the crowds of people lining up to hear this comedic act.

    The crowd is hushed, we are jammed in, packed in like sardines. The air is charged with buzz and excitement and anticipation.

    The lights dim and up on the stage the comedian walks over, enthusing amusement, it's funny just seeing this arrival.

    The comedian grabs the microphone off the stand, flicks the switch, taps it to make sure it's working. People laugh at the little bit of feedback.

    "Hello, hello, 1, 2, 3, can you hear me alright?"

    The crowd laughs, "yes, we can hear you" one heckler shouts out impulsively.

    I am watching the comedian but > I am that comedian now...

    Knock knock.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Croix
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    10 August 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    1) Dear Zaphod

    I'm afraid an awful lot goes over a walrus' head, could you explain your comedian joke?

    2) Dear Quirky who I hope can hear from a mile away in purloined shoes this is for you:

    The rain it raineth on the just
    And also on the unjust fella;
    But chiefly on the just, because
    The unjust hath the just’s umbrella
    .”

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
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    11 August 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hello everyone.....🤗...

    Why did the weatherman take leave from work after breaking both arms and both legs? He was having trouble working with the four casts.

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Whippet24
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    11 August 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    One of my favourites:

    RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

    3 people found this helpful
  7. tranzcrybe
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    12 August 2021 in reply to Whippet24
    Yes, I was there at the funeral - 'Steams like only yesterday...
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Not_Batman
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    25 August 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe
    When the temperature dropped, the mercury said “Im at a real low point in my life”
    2 people found this helpful
  9. tranzcrybe
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    25 August 2021 in reply to Not_Batman

    Well, you know what they say -

    "every silver has a cloudy lining"

    3 people found this helpful
  10. Croix
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    26 August 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe

    Um ..

    Every cloud has a silver lining...
    ... unless it's a mushroom cloud. Then it's likely strontium.

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Guest9337
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Croix

    Knock Knock.

    Whose there?

    It's David selling stones, do you have a goliath problem?

    2 people found this helpful
  12. Birdy77
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Croix
    Sir Croix is just such a fun-guy
    2 people found this helpful
  13. tranzcrybe
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Birdy77

    Q: Why did the gnome move out of his toadstool?

    A: Not musch-room inside

    3 people found this helpful
  14. Birdy77
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    30 August 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe
    tranzcrybe, is that why it was a gnome-mushroom?
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  15. Ggrand
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    30 August 2021 in reply to Birdy77

    Hello everyone.....🤗..

    What do you get if you cross a harbour and a chime?

    A porto-bello!

    2 people found this helpful
  16. Croix
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    31 August 2021 in reply to Birdy77
    Personally I think you should start the day off with a meal of French mushrooms
    ...Breakfast of champignons
    2 people found this helpful
  17. tranzcrybe
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    31 August 2021 in reply to Croix
    I spent 6 months lost in the South of France, Périgord region. 'Twas a miracle I survived, I tell you, nobody knows the truffles I've seen.
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Guest9337
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    1 September 2021

    There was a scorpion named USA who organised a meet and greet between all the waring nations and sent their best and brightest minds all to one place, to solve the Worlds Problems.

    Somebody nuked the site from orbit and no one claims to know or believe anyone else or even themselves about why it happened or how, nor even who.

    For it was skynet, mr Arnold Universe Big T Terminator doing the dirty to the lot of them from within.

    1 person found this helpful
  19. Croix
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    8 September 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Terminator and his friends were going to a costume party.
    They all decided that they'll go as composers.

    Friend 1: I'll be Mozart

    Friend 2: I'll be Beethoven

    Terminator: I'LL BE BACH
    2 people found this helpful
  20. Moonstruck
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    12 September 2021 in reply to Croix

    { I only know 3 jokes, the one about the Caveman, one with the Scarecrow and this one about the Baker down the road? that's why I only post on here every few years or so...don't wanna bore you....

    *********

    Did you hear about the Baker who was electrocuted in his Bakery? He stood on a bun and the currant ran up his leg"

    { bah hahahahahahahah)

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Croix
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    21 September 2021 in reply to Moonstruck

    Dear Moon, I look forward to 4 months time.

    What did the baker sing on the way to bakery?
    Pie ho! Pie ho! It’s off to work I go!

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Moonstruck
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    22 September 2021 in reply to Croix

    Pie Ho?? You can do better than that Croix.....

    By the way, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith

    "really, what's the name of his other leg?"......heheheheheheheh {Ok I confess...I stole it from Mary Poppins)

    2 people found this helpful
  23. Croix
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    23 September 2021 in reply to Moonstruck

    Um, have you considered giving it back?

    OK, if we are gong to talk about stealing...

    I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
    But when I got home, all the signs were there.

    1 person found this helpful
  24. tranzcrybe
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    23 September 2021 in reply to Croix
    My uncle 'found' a bundle of palings and laid them out across his front lawn. Needless to say, he was arrested and charged with causing a fence.
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Ggrand
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    23 September 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe
    Hello everyone..


    When the police caught him stealing the batteries...he got immediately charged!
    1 person found this helpful
  26. tranzcrybe
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    23 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    What's worse is they were rechargeable batteries, so there were multiple charges over the years. You know, he put the batteries in his briefcase which also contained a bag of chips - he was a goner with a case of a salt and battery brought against him as well.
    1 person found this helpful
  27. Not_Batman
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    29 September 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe
    Shakespeare used to write everything in pencil, but I don't know if it was a 2B or not 2B
    1 person found this helpful
  28. Guest9337
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    7 October 2021 in reply to Not_Batman
    Jesus said we can move mountains by prayer and faith. He is such a kidder, we need shovels and trucks to move mountains, not feelings and belief.
    1 person found this helpful
  29. Ggrand
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    7 October 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Hello Everyone....🤗 hugs

    An elderly woman was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane …

    Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney.
    The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

    Everybody got off the plane except the elderly lady who was blind.....A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

    He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said....‘Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?’......The blind old lady replied,....‘No thanks, but maybe Max would Like to stretch his legs.’

    Picture this:
    All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!...The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.

    People scattered.....They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

    3 people found this helpful
  30. tranzcrybe
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    7 October 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    I think you misinterpreted the message, DnG...

    "Prare & Fayth" was the local landscaping company - very good at what they did. Hence the commendation.

    1 person found this helpful

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