Hi new on here.
Am 63. 56/57 i was diagnosed with ADHD. Was an enlightening moment for me. I been different from as far back as i can remember. But finding out helped me a lot. I have put my own defence mechanisms in over time. Held back at school, dropped out soon as i could. All i wanted to do was work. So i got a mechanical trade, passing paper exams, couple of bites to drag through.
So my ADHD i am happy with. I have purpose and drive when i have a goal. Once attained i lose interest. I have achieved a lot in life and my bucket list is empty. There are no more challenges for me.
30 yrs ago i broke an ankle very bad. 3 years ago i broke it again. This time pain was beyond. I stayed doing what t i was busy with for 3 weeks. Literally just cried for 3 weeks but my head would not let me give up. 3 months later i was assessed with chronic pain, irreparable nerve damage. So stewed my head with medications, these turned my brain to fluid. I got suicidal, hallucinations and cried from pain. A year after i decided to stop, had two failed ops. Would not die a drug addict. So for two years i fought with everything. Used to cry walking, i walked looking at the ground. Now i got the pain down so i can work, until i upset the applecart. But i am sore and grumpy. Short with all. My doc put up with a lot. Tells me i am depressed, no frustrated!
So couple months ago i was looking at ADHD and it leads to depression. So then i looked at depression. I tick a lot of boxes.I am empty inside, hopeless, worthless, useless, zero value. When asked by a friend and i am honest, look inside my vacuum and just cry. When i go to the doc’s i feel like i am begging and i cry. I had a full go a while ago to put myself to sleep. Wasn’t to be. Now i am in a worse place because i have to face those those i affected.
Am now on anti depressants. Not happy but i will give it a go. I walk as little as possible. Cannot do physical.
I have a better half that still puts up with me, why i will never know?
so i am after some building blocks to start on value. I am really a loner. Do not need a lot of friends but have good value ones. I am difficult around people.
Was as good as gold until the injury. Now i have to fight a bit more. I battle with being such a baby and useless.
Understand pain and minimising it. But its the uselessness of me that i battle with. I want to be happy helpful me once more.
lots of bits to fill in but there are the basics.