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Forums / Depression / Crappy week

Topic: Crappy week

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. MissJ94
    MissJ94 avatar
    39 posts
    29 October 2021

    Feel like ive come crashing right down this week. Almost to the point id actually believe that i did send an email to Centrelink that i had thoughts of suicide.

    Because really life is just too hard. I have had thoughts of self harm this week but havent done anything because my usual spots are now covered in expensive tattoos that i dont want to ruin, plus its coming into summer. Which makes it hard because self harm just provides a release, a distraction that i dont think anyone would understand unless youve been there.

    So why am i feeling like this? Mainly because those who said they would be a reference for me for my next job havent done their checks and cant be reached. Because one job thinks that i have no right to work in Australia even though i was born here and have an Australian birth certificate. They said to prove my right to work here i need either a passport(no way in hell im spending hundreds to get a passport i wont even use), a citizenship certificate(im an Australian citizen by birth ffs), or a parents Australian birth certificate(like im some school kid needing my parents permission to go on an excursion, major breech in privacy too).

    So im feeling like absolute crap. This job hunt is just getting more and more ridiculous the more places i apply, im over it! Im sick to death of employers thinking theyre high and mighty that they can employ someone with 10+ years experience and a stupid amount of checks to do!

    Even my newest police check has been delayed now and needing an officer to check things through, likely due to the police showing up at my door last week. Before that, the police checks had no issue in progressing. So what? The police going to classify me as unfit to work? Hope theyre the ones going to pay me if they pull that shit on me...

    With my son back at school now too i just feel numb. I just sit or lay on the lounge all day wondering what i should do and nothing comes to mind. I loved piano and gaming and binging netflix and reading and learning japanese but now i just find no joy in it. I say something and forget ive already said it. The only thing im looking forward to right now is my weight loss surgery at the end of November, at least that will help me reach one goal ive spent years trying to reach.

    Just wish i was normal..

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6156 posts
    30 October 2021 in reply to MissJ94
    Hey MissJ94,

    Thanks for posting to the forums and letting us know how you're going. We're really sorry you've had such a rough week and it has caused you to feel so much despair and distress. You sound exhausted and we can understand why. We are very proud of you for not acting on self-harm urges and for reaching out here. You sound like you have a great deal of self-awareness and that's amazing.

    It sounds like you're having difficulty navigating some beaurocratic rules around work requirements and we can hear how frustrating that is. We hope you can find the right guidance for this matter. in the meantime, please know there's always support available for whenever you're feeling emtoionally overwhelmed. We've reached out to you privately to offer additional support.

    Pleaes remember if you would like to speak to us, you can always cll on 1300 22 4636. You can also try online chat options at: BeyondBlue Webchat, Lifeline Webchat of the Lifeline Textline.

    Thank you for sharing with us today, please feel free to update us on how you are feeling whenever you feel up to it.

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