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Forums / Depression / Depressed and sadness

Topic: Depressed and sadness

24 posts, 0 answered
  1. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    19 September 2019

    Hello,

    This is the first time I'm posting a new thread.

    I have been depressed for a number of years now. The anxiety that comes with it, makes it even harder. Often I burst into tears for no apparent reason and my thought patterns are often negative. I tend to be hard on myself, though knowing that it is not "my fault" that I feel like this.

    To top it off, I found out yesterday that the Nursing Home I work is closing. I'm in my early 50's and the prospect of having to look for work, is daunting.

    I don't know what to do at the moment.

    SilvaLady

  2. Croix
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    19 September 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Der SlivaLady~

    As it happens I've already posted you a message concerning talking with others in

    Forums / Treatments, health professionals and therapies / First time seeking professional help

    At that time I did not know of this post, however what I said there I still think applies.

    Having your place of work close is a real trial, though I'm not sure that your age is a bar to getting other position, and yes it can appear daunting to go out seeking.

    May I ask if you are in close contact with oyur medical team? It can be quite easy to simply accept what you are first told, go with the first set of treatments and think it normal if you till do not get a great deal of relief.

    I think you said you had started obtaining medical help a couple of years ago, finding you are still crying and feeling so negative after this length of time would make me want to have things reviewed. People react in differing ways and there is often a need to change regimes with circumstances.

    Actually now would be an ideal time as you have the extra pressures of job seeking and maybe finances too. Under those circumstances your coping skills need to be as robust as possible.

    Do you have a network of freinds who might be able to help you find a position elsewhere?

    From knowing my relatives I get the impression that Nursing Homes are not closing en masse, quite the opposite. I'd expect the influx of baby boomers will help too.

    Not knowing what to do? May I suggest you try to divide up a portion of your life just for you, with something you enjoy to take your mind away from the problems of life. I use movies and books, I don't know what would work for you , the point being to get a little respite each day to help you face problems invigorated .

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  3. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    20 September 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hello Croix,

    Thank you for replying.

    I do know couple of people that I work with, that work in other homes. I have already considered that. I also I have considered working for a nursing agency, which I have done in the past.

    As with the Doctor's, at the end of last year, the doctor I was seeing left. He didn't put me on medication, as I was drinking and he wanted for me to stop drinking before he would give me medications. Only recently, when I went to see my new doctor, and when I told her how I felt, she did give me some medication to me. But I found that the medication seemed to raise my blood pressure. I'm seeing her again at the beginning of October.

    I'm also seeing a Psychologist, which helps.

    I'm glad that I finally found the courage to join this forum. It makes me feel that I'm not alone with this struggle and yes I know that a lot of people have said the same thing. Sometimes I wish that it wouldn't take so long.

    I enjoy reading, but don't have many books. I have good collection of DVD's, which I will try and watch soon. I also have a hobby, which is cross stitching. I used to enjoy that, especially since I have count the stitches. I just have to find the motivation of doing this.

    Many thanks Croix for being and trying to help.

    SilvaLady

  4. Croix
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    21 September 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    My late wife and another very close member of my family were/are nurses and I know how some have related to agency nursing, they found it hard not to be giving long-term care in some ways but also found they were in demand and earned very reasonable wages.

    After a while being faced with a new hospital/ward/home ceased to be daunting as experience took over. What do your freinds think?

    I'd imagine the Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety will actually increase the demand for qualified permanent nursing staff in institutions too.

    I'm please you have both a GP and a psychologist to help, I found that without such support I simply spiraled down, also that your GP has what might be regarded as a more realistic approach - and no I am in no way endorsing alcohol as a problem solver, or as a mix with prescription meds - I'm more than sure you know of this already.

    Can I suggest if your BP is on the rise it might be prudent to seek an earlier appointment? It took me a long time to find the regimen that worked without side effects, for me it has been possible with patience and time, and I'm streets ahead of how I was. I lead a life with so much less anxiety or depression, something I'd not have believed possible if told earlier on.

    I think your approach is a wise one, and as for courage, I think you need that in your vocation anyway and the way you talk about your upcoming life changes leads me to think you have it in spades.

    If it took you a litle while to come here don't feel you are alone in that . It took me a great deal of soul searching to start posting here rather than just reading. Having done so the sense of community and understanding has been wonderful. No long explanations, one can almost talk shorthand, and this is a place where everyone here is voluntary. It has an atmosphere of a genuine desire to help

    So no, you are not alone at all.

    Books? Many libraries have on-line lending. You select the book then download it to read or listen on your computer tablet or phone. Once you master logging on and selecting it becomes trivial to obtain fresh reading. My library took the time to explain in a phone call how to do this

    I do not do cross stitch but do a lot of cataloging, and find this a pleasant undemanding chore that allows me to listen to radio comedy at the same time. Surprisingly refreshing

    The motivation may end up being simple enjoyment. The division away from work - or job seeking - I beleive is important

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Des Cartes
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    4 posts
    21 September 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Hi Silvalady,

    Is there a job agency you could give your details to, given you now have experience working in the nursing home sector? You may find that your skills are in demand.

    I experience similar issues often and find that starting to take control of the major issue of immediate concern helps to empower me in dealing with the feelings of anxiety and despair.

    I really hope you also keep reaching out for help, here and elsewhere.

  6. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    23 September 2019

    Hello to Croix and Des,

    medical gest is an ongoing process. Job vice is still ongoing process.

    For last few days I have been feeling better than I would have.

    Am still not sure as when to start looking for a job, as I don't want to miss out the payments.

    Still got few weeks to consider.

    Thank you for your support.

    SilvaLady

  7. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    24 September 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    thank you for your advice. I know alcohol is not a problem-solver, especially when taking meds. I'm just so tired of feeling so down, feeling sad and tired with putting up with my negative thoughts. I try to stay positive, but that doesn't seem to help much at the moment. Also I'm tired of putting on a "brave face" when I'm going to work, also knowing that I'm not the only one at work to suffer with anxiety or depression.

    I know it's not an excuse for drinking, but I just want to forget for number of hours.

    I will look into the library online, to see what is there.

    I also enjoying playing video games, which I found that it will quite often take my negative thoughts away.

    Especially if I have the television on as well, which seem to occupy mind, since I have to concentrate on playing games and listen to the television.

    Thank you again for your advice and talking to me.

    SilvaLady

  8. Croix
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    25 September 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    I'm not nagging over the drink, I understand. I just hope you will in time find a healthier alternative. I was "lucky" in a way, saw so much of its bad effects in the police (both in the force and in the public) I went the other way. You would not have had that spur. Made me take more meds instead.

    To concentrate on something more cheerful what sort of games? Solo or multiplayer, military or detective or social building? Bit like me except I dived into books.

    Some games are now becoming movies as are some comix. I enjoyed Wonder Woman, and Ghost in the Shell, both in print and the movies.

    As for having the TV on at the same time, I could not concentrate (my spouse says males are only capable of thinking of one thing at a time, May she is right:(

    Croix

  9. SilvaLady
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    21 posts
    29 September 2019 in reply to Des Cartes

    Hello Des,

    Yes I have considered agency work, as I have worked for an agency before. I just wanted to take a step back and consider my options. At this stage I have a number of options, which I won't commit to at this stage, but will within the next couple weeks.

    Thanks again for your advice,

    SilvaLady

  10. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    29 September 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hello Croix,

    I have some time to consider what you have said.

    I've looked into online library, but so far I've not found what I wanted online. But I've found few things to read in a library. I'm a fan of David Eddings and I have found some books in the series, which I have taken out to read.

    As for games, it's more solo. Most of it, it's Harvest Moon/ Rune Factory games.

    I have found that since I started to read, I'm starting to feel better.

    Also with work, since I decided to "to take a step back", I'm starting to feel "better'.

    I know it sounds weird, but since I decided that I can't control what happens or what other people at work think of me.

    For the time being, I enjoy feeling better.

    As for what happens in the near future, I try not to worry.

    I know that this sounds strange, but I try to put my trust in the future, knowing/hopefully that things will turn out for the better.

    SilvaLady

  11. Croix
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    1 October 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    You sound somewhat happier and in control. I likes the Belgariad, Mallorean, Belgarath the Sorcerer and Polgara the Sorceress, but the rest of David (& Lee) Eddings leave me disappointed..

    Anther in a similar vein -youth grows up with powers etc is the Recluce series by L.E.Modesitt Jr.

    One never can control what others think, and chasing causes extreme stress on occasion, I"m glad you are able to ignore or discount their thoughts and views.

    As for trust in the future, my partner says 'when one door closes another opens' - who am I to argue?

    Croix (who knows better than to argue with a spouse anyway:)

    1 person found this helpful
  12. SilvaLady
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    21 posts
    3 October 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    Yes, I was feeling good on that particular day, but the next day I wasn't that great. Sometimes it feels like that I'm taking one step forward, then two steps backwards. It feels like that something in my head knocks on the door and tells me that it is still there. I even looked into the "smiling mind" online on my laptop, signed up, but haven't used it that much yet. I sometimes find that my mind comes up with excuses not to do that or use it.

    Thank you again for replying, knowing that I can put things here (or like some other people in the forum have stated already) or to vent.

    SilvaLady

  13. Croix
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    3 October 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    It is disappointing, discouraging and frustrating when the down trough starts up again, and sadly it happens. You are not back where you started though, like muscles, getting to feel better becomes stronger the more times you do it. Hopefully like me as time goes on the waves become slower and not as deep, then controllable to a greater extent.

    If I might suggest persevere with smiling mind, even just the first 2 minute demo session can be enough to break out of a loop in the mind, cycling though all that is bad - or could be. You can switch off the background music if you wish, I do.

    So what is venting? It is simply telling another (hopefully one who understands) about your life at the time and the things that you are finding very hard. It is not only natural to do this, but I beleive does some good. Not only to maybe give some perspective to yourself, but also so that horrible feeling of isolation is stopped, it quickly turns to feelings of lack of self-worth if you believe you are the only one.

    Does that make any sort of sense?

    It's one of the downsides of being a male brought up just after the war, men do not talk of such matters! I bottled things up to the extent I nearly killed myself. Releasing all from inside earlier would have made a huge difference.

    I find I can make excuses not to do something out of fright. Fright that it might not work -something I don't realy want to have to face. Mind you I'm normally wrong and things do work OK.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  14. SilvaLady
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    21 posts
    6 October 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    I have spent some time browsing the other forums, in the last couple of days. And I came across some posts that you have made with other people there.

    So I wanted to say "Thank you" to you for talking to me, especially since you have struggles yourself. Also I came across some posts, where people have commented on their negative thought patterns, to which I can totally relate to.

    The more I was thinking about it this morning, the more I'm starting to realize that those negative thought patterns stemmed from my childhood, especially since my two siblings came along. I'm the eldest of three. My mother treated the youngest sibling differently to me and my brother, even to this day this happening. I don't think that she is aware of this happening. She doesn't seem to hesitate to tell me and my brother the truth of what she is thinking of, but she sugar coats things when it comes to the youngest sibling.

    I have come to realise that my anxiety/depression has started in the last year that I lived with my mother about 4 years ago. She would quite often make comments that were hurtful, out of respect for I didn't say anything to her about this. Even if I did, she would think about it and then she would have thrown it back at me, inflicting more pain. If that makes sense.

    I have started the smiling mind, and I have found that it helps.

    Also I'm reading "The Malloreon", I'm on the second last book in that series.

    Thank you again, and I'm happy for you that you have a great support person, your spouse.

    SilvaLady

  15. Philomena
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    Philomena avatar
    27 posts
    6 October 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Hi Silvalady

    know that you are not alone with what you are struggling with. Anxiety and depression come to everyone at some point of their lives some are strong to overcome it , whilst others fall a prey to it.

    If one door has closed for you know that god will open another door for you maybe a better job with a better pay. Everything that happens in our lives is for our good we don’t really look at it this way at that moment but realise it is for something better that things happen in our lives and it is through struggles that we become stronger and are able to face any eventuality in life.

    Have hope for the future and stay positive that it holds something better for you. Don’t lose hope and courage stay strong in mind . If you do this you will eventually be able to overcome your depression and look at life better and enjoy it.

    stay blessed

    1 person found this helpful
  16. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    6 October 2019 in reply to Philomena

    Hello Philomena,

    Thank you for your lovely words. It makes a bit easier, knowing that I'm not alone in this and that there other people struggling with this. It's lovely to have a forum where likeminded can share their struggles and support and help each other with the day to day struggles.

    I have heard this saying quite often and have used it a bit myself : "when one door closes, another will be open".

    Thank you again for the lovely words, they have given me some comfort. Also some more things to consider as well.

    SilvaLady

  17. Croix
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    6 October 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    Yes I am ridiculously lucky to have my partner, as you know another makes a whole load of difference. Sadly, as in your mother's case, that influence can do great harm. The only way I know to reduce that is distance.

    Have you mentioned this to your psych?

    For some reason many of us take on constant negativity as being somehow due to ourselves, not logical but still has far-reaching effects.

    May I ask how you get on with your brother? I don't remember you mentioning him, at least not in this thread.

    The second last in the series , that always makes me unhappy, having found a refuge it comes to an end, still the two other books of his I mentioned are good, as is that other author, Modesitt, who has multiple series of similar quality.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  18. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    6 October 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hello Croix,

    I know that I haven't mentioned my brother before, but due to the conflict between him and my other sibling ( the youngest in this case ), I'm at a cross roads. I have made a point of not taking sides, but she seem to have decided to make that decision for me.

    Considering what is going on between me and everybody else in the family, I have decided to take the lead on what she wants to do (meaning the last decision).

    In some ways, she thinks that she is way is winning.

    In this case, my brother and I have become closer, only because we talk to each other and we seem to understand each other better because of the circumstances of our past.

    I feel lucky to have my brother and his partner for the support of what I'm going through.

    Many thanks and kind thoughts to you and your spouse.

    SilvaLady

  19. Croix
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    7 October 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    I'm very glad you do have someone as an ally and freind. there is nothing like shared or similar hardship to bring people together. Just to be understood -and know you are being understood -is a relief.

    Parents can do so much harm and it can linger for lifetime. I was torn towards the end of my mother's life if I should resume contact or leave well alone.

    I did resume contact and found nothing had changed. Sad really.

    So what are you going to read next? I'm always on the lookout for good series.

    Croix

  20. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    8 October 2019 in reply to Croix

    Good Morning,

    I haven't had much time for reading in the last few days, as I have been working for the last few days. Today being the last day of work, before I get couple of days off. Also have been busy getting my resume ready for job applications. This morning I have started to apply for another job.

    I also have been trying to do some housework, tidying up and some cleaning. It just seemed to be hassle trying to keep my unit clean and tidy. Somehow my untidy unit seem to match my state of mind, messy. If that makes sense.

    I do stay in contact with my mother and sister, but it is more for show on my part. I haven't told my mother of any issues that I have at the moment. I suppose in some ways I'm very reluctant to tell her, or I suppose I don't really want to tell her. I'm not really that close to her, I suppose. Ever since I can remember I have more or less kept to myself when my two siblings came along. I just couldn't compete with them for our parent's attention. I don't know if this makes sense.

    I have read books of the author Jean M. Auel. It's a series of "earth children", it talks of a time approximate 10,000 to 15,000 years back. It's of a story of a young woman, who was orphaned at the age 5, finding her way in the world. Also I have read a lot books of Raymond Feist, which I have enjoyed. I might take trip to the local op shop to see what I can find there.

    At the moment I'm taking my time of doing things, I have the radio on when I'm at home. It's nice to listening to music, while I'm either tidying up or sitting on my computer.

    Yes, I have spoken to my psychologist regarding my family issues, also issues with work.

    Many thanks and have lovely day,

    SilvaLady

  21. Croix
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    8 October 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    It seems our reading tastes are very close, I've read both authors. All the Earth's Children series, which I found excellent wiht the exception that Ayla seems to have invented everything from the wheel to modern medicine, A bit hopeful, however the settings and authenticity of the technolofies and lifestyles make up for it. My favorite Raymond Feist book is Faerie Tale, unusual for me as not a series.

    Yes it does make sense to be reserved wiht your parents, if in the past htey have always given more attention to your siblings why would you leave yourself open?

    You do sound more cheerful. Are you getting professional help writing your job applications? I found there was an awful lot I did not know until I had some help -good luck BTW.

    If your psych and you click that makes a huge difference, you can let out all the things you feel. I've been lucky that way, is yours good too?

    Croix

  22. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    10 October 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hello Croix,

    I haven't read the book Faery Tales, but have read most of his other books. The Magician being one of my favourites.

    I spoke to my mother this morning and I have told her that my workplace was closing. As soon I told she started telling of what I should be doing and one of the comments that she made was that I "was getting older and less likely of getting a job due to my age". In some ways I think I regret of telling her, as it feels like that she telling me how to live my life. I know that she trying to help me, but the way she was talking to me, it made me feel like a child who can't make for themselves.

    I have seen my doctor this morning, she gave me a referral to see the same psych that I have seen for the last year. I found that I have a good connection with my psych. She cares and has giving me some good techniques to use. I also came across there, while I waited for my appointment. It's called " I Power, the freedom to be me". Author : George Dieter. It's a good read, with some good pointers.

    I do feel better, thanks. I find it a good release of coming here and to able to talk ( write) to other people is good. It almost feels like that I'm writing into a diary and the diary responds back. I know it's an odd way of saying that. I still get sad at times and the anxiety/depression is still there, but it is becoming a bit easier to with it. Also having the knowledge that I can see my psych on a more regular basis due to the referral my doctor gave me. I have been looking at some of the other forums, I haven't joined in most of those conversations, I have taken away some useful hints of dealing with my feelings and thought patterns.

    I have spoken to one of the ladies from another company and she has giving me some pointers of fixing my resume. I have also applied for another job this morning. I'm not very good of waiting and being patient to find out if I got the job or not. It's not one of strong points at the moment.

    Take care,

    SilvaLady

  23. Croix
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    10 October 2019 in reply to SilvaLady

    Dear SilvaLady~

    I guess most of waht you say above is pretty good news. Job applications are in some ways as stylized as a cooking menu, the covering letter composition, the most important section covering all the criteria listed plus annexures all have their own unwritten rules, as does having a story that makes you shine up your sleeve to trot out in the interview.

    Waiting on a response is horrible, and lasts for ages. Some companies don't even bother to reply and you are left hanging, however reputable ones will come back to you.

    I find the best thing to do is not to hang on a response, but try elsewhere too. Once the application has been sent I try to go to the next and temporarily forget it (I do a fair number for various matters, often with success)

    I think the conversation with you mother was helpful, after all you can now (if you did not before) see that her actions and words are inappropriate (plus needlessly and erroneously discouraging). When someone you know is on the wrong track says something it is easier to disregard.

    I too enjoyed the Magician series. The framework around Pug's abilities seemed logical and consistent.

    Getting back to your psych is good, particular wiht the extra pressure on you until you get a new job.

    Journalling or diary is a well established method of dealing with things , as I'm sure you know, plus it keeps an ongoing record you can use to look back and see consistent triggers and cycles. Very useful.

    Croix (a.k.a. diary that answers back:)

  24. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    21 posts
    19 October 2019

    Hello Croix.

    I know I haven't been on for a few days, but I thought I might keep you updated. I have been back to see my DR and she advised to keep up with the meds for my anxiety. She also put me on a MHP with my Psych, which starts in November. Job hunting is still going, but I'm trying to stay positive, knowing that something will turn up.

    I have tried other things to overcome my anxiety/depression, which seem to help.

    Somehow I seem to be happier within myself, knowing that I'm not alone in the struggle of the anxiety/depression. I know that everybody has they own stories and struggles of this illness.

    I just wanted to thank you and everyone here in BB for the support .

    With many thanks,

    SilvaLady

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