I have untreated (mostly undiagnosed) depression for years but it has never impacted my ability at work. Actually I am so skilled at masking it no one in a work place from my past would actually have the slightest idea.
My current workplace has been bad for my mental health. I have felt myself sinking more and more over the past few months. There has been a lot of focus on me compared to co-workers and I get why there would have been at the start and I also realise that some of the focus these days is more to do with I have somewhat (sometimes) impressed people there with my ability so they are looking and talking about future potential. None the less, the focus on me has lead to changes in me that I don’t like. Doubting my knowledge, doubting my ability which is sending me all over the place. I will add I had quite a bit going on in my life in the last 6 months of last year.
recently I realised just how far I had fallen virtually at the hands of work and all the chatter about me by senior staff. I wasn’t prepared to fall lower (I feel so low already i am not sure if lower is even possible, although logically I know it is) so I actually resigned and am currently in my notice period.
It was a super hard decision as I actually really like the work and the potential to grow in the long term but my low no longer just affects how I feel at work it is impacting every element of my life so it seemed like what I needed to do.
now as I wait out my notice period I keep wondering how much of all of this is the black dog speaking and how much was it what I really needed. I felt low before but now I feel like there is a huge gaping hole in me. Is the hole and doubt about what I did being right actually correct or if it the fear of the unknown - no job, no prospects, no idea how to sell myself felling this way.
how do you know when quitting is the right solution and when it is just the black dog dragging you through the mud? If it is actually just the black dog, should you even attempt to get your job back? If you should, how do you even tell them about it? Telling them may make things worse as it will get me even more attention and probably more chatter, I just really like my job and hate quitting but my mental health is making it seem impossible.