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Forums / Depression / Depression and work

Topic: Depression and work

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lostconfused
    Lostconfused avatar
    1 posts
    12 February 2019

    I have untreated (mostly undiagnosed) depression for years but it has never impacted my ability at work. Actually I am so skilled at masking it no one in a work place from my past would actually have the slightest idea.

    My current workplace has been bad for my mental health. I have felt myself sinking more and more over the past few months. There has been a lot of focus on me compared to co-workers and I get why there would have been at the start and I also realise that some of the focus these days is more to do with I have somewhat (sometimes) impressed people there with my ability so they are looking and talking about future potential. None the less, the focus on me has lead to changes in me that I don’t like. Doubting my knowledge, doubting my ability which is sending me all over the place. I will add I had quite a bit going on in my life in the last 6 months of last year.

    recently I realised just how far I had fallen virtually at the hands of work and all the chatter about me by senior staff. I wasn’t prepared to fall lower (I feel so low already i am not sure if lower is even possible, although logically I know it is) so I actually resigned and am currently in my notice period.

    It was a super hard decision as I actually really like the work and the potential to grow in the long term but my low no longer just affects how I feel at work it is impacting every element of my life so it seemed like what I needed to do.

    now as I wait out my notice period I keep wondering how much of all of this is the black dog speaking and how much was it what I really needed. I felt low before but now I feel like there is a huge gaping hole in me. Is the hole and doubt about what I did being right actually correct or if it the fear of the unknown - no job, no prospects, no idea how to sell myself felling this way.

    how do you know when quitting is the right solution and when it is just the black dog dragging you through the mud? If it is actually just the black dog, should you even attempt to get your job back? If you should, how do you even tell them about it? Telling them may make things worse as it will get me even more attention and probably more chatter, I just really like my job and hate quitting but my mental health is making it seem impossible.


    1 person found this helpful
  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    2806 posts
    12 February 2019 in reply to Lostconfused

    Hi Lostconfused,

    Just tagging right now as I have to go to see psychiatrist. But you are not alone and I have been in a similar position to you. There are some tough decisions to make, and you will make it through whatever happens. I will be back later to tell you more about my story.



  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    2806 posts
    12 February 2019 in reply to smallwolf

    Back again...

    You asked a few questions at the end of your post, that reminded me of when I started to see a psychologist and the events that led to that point. I will try to keep it short so that I do not bore you, but if you have any questions please ask!

    So I would/will typically close off from the world as a result of depression and anxiety. (I should also point out that some of my issues are a result of haemochromatosis which also had depression as a symptom. This closing off from the world feeling (there were other physical symptoms) affected me for 1/2 the night and worse than usual. It was slow progression downwards. So I googled the symptoms and depression came up in the results list. Following a couple of links I found the K10 test on the beyond blue web site. I did the test and while I did not consider the result "high" it suggested I chat with my GP. I did that and my GP referred me to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion. So I did that and found out that I was major depression and plus a couple of other things.

    For me, having a label or tag that I could associate my feelings with also gave the chance to say, "ok, I have a problem, how do I beat it!". That last bit is the problem. Not so easy.

    There were frequent times when my family and psychologist and psychiatrist asked me why I still work there. And for me some people at my work place know that I have mental illness. This was prompted by conversations with parents and psychologist. My situation may also be slightly different to others, which I can elaborate on if asked.

    Of course, I could have tried to do it alone, but the talk therapy helps me, and I learn strategies for coping with depression and anxiety. There are various threads in the forums that you can check as well for strategies as well.

    I hope that you come back and we can chat some more.



  4. team nobody
    team nobody avatar
    8 posts
    13 February 2019 in reply to Lostconfused
    Hi there,

    This is going to seem bad but I can relate so much.
    I have not been able to find employment because of a range of barriers, but last year I did muster the courage to get a job.
    I was so excited at the thought of moving up In life and I the first few weeks really showed that I could do something I had never tried before.
    The management were happy with my work but the other staff were not impressed with the attention I was getting.
    They started to turn snarky towards me and I have had problems with workplace bullying in the past.
    I got so anxious, I put in a resignation.
    I feel now like it was my only chance to stay in work; but couldn't confront that environment.
    I am scared now being 34 and jobless, carless childless and single.
    I dont think I can go back to work, the critical environment and the nasty competition doesn't interest me at all.

    I just wanted to post this response because I have been feeling desperate about it for some time with nobody to talk to who wont judge me. I cant help this situation and I have tried so hard.
    I wrote this response also so that you can rest assured that there are many opportunities out there and perhaps for you this was not the right fit and that is ok.
    I only wish I could tell myself that and believe it.
  5. Jen_Melb
    Jen_Melb avatar
    3 posts
    15 February 2019 in reply to Lostconfused


    I have been in a similar situation, lost my nerve and stayed on - only to leave again 6 months later after I had really proven to myself that the job and the future prospects I had imagined weren't worth it, and the best investment I could make in my future was in me.

    So coming from experience I think you have been amazingly brave and I really do hope you follow your intuition and move on. Dealing with change is difficult for everyone and the immediate gratification of falling back into the familiar, and what seems like a certain path comes with a really high opportunity cost; and one you don't want to pay with your well being.

    Jobs, people, circumstances in your life will change and your feelings will evolve with them. What I have found to be really helpful is to try and go with the tide and trust yourself and your intuition. If you do have some time between jobs I highly recommend reading "Letting Go" by David Hawkins and "The Untethered Soul" by Michael A. Singer.

    Again, I hope that you can acknowledge and find a way to celebrate your bravery. You have taken a stand for yourself and created a pathway to expand your possibilities. This is no mean feat.

    Goodluck :)

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