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Forums / Depression / Depression: You Suck

Topic: Depression: You Suck

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Hayley
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Hayley avatar
    13 posts
    28 May 2013

    My depression is starting to take a turn south feeling like crap again and keep thinking those thoughts of falling asleep and not waking up or whatever scenario runs through my head at the time. Just thinking I have to get through another day as sure as the sun rises another day will come time stops for no one.

    My frustration triggers these thoughts you try this med that med this therapy that therapy no meds no therapy, your doctor your psychologist, your psychiatrist, your friends your family your partner, religion, spirituality, lifestyle changes, the nurse, the hospital, the emergency department, those numbers you ring and there is a stranger on the other end, the internet nothing f*** works. People say to you everything will be ok you will get through this all you have to do is...this  What? oh right no I've tried that, done that, doing that What else ya got?

    When you loose hope you loose everything. I have lost hope.

    I know there is no magic pill I know there is no quick fix I know I haven't got a broken leg Ive got a broken psyche I know I have to be patient be positive how can I do that when I cant get out of bed.


  2. Mark_098
    Mark_098 avatar
    24 posts
    29 May 2013 in reply to Hayley

    Dear Hayley,

    What an insightful message you have written, you must be very smart.  Maybe just take a little break for a minute and go and say 1 some self affirming thing to yourself as you look into the mirror...

    Say "i am Hayley last-name and I love who I am because I am good at (say one thing that you are good at or am proud of to do with something you have achieved) slowly over and over for as long as it takes until it has an affect on you. Do it until it raises a smile on the inside ok?

    Positive affirmation is a great thing.  Totally underrated.  There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back, and that is all it is, nothing else.

    I hope that today is a better day for you and that this message gets to you in high spirits and if it does, great :) and if it doesn't, then all the better :)

    Mark

  3. The Real David Charles
    The Real David Charles avatar
    1014 posts
    29 May 2013

    Dear Hayley,

    Anyone that says "you'll get through it [depression]" normally hasn't ever had it.  It would be like you saying to Baz Luhrman "I'm sure that movie about Gatsby with the 180 million dollar will work out fine" when you don't even know how to take a photo with a Smart Phone and is talking to you with their jumper inside out.

    The only couple of things that work for me are sleep and walking the dog.   You'd be amazed how much venting you can get through when someone says "How are you ?" and doesn't mind the conversation turning south, north, east or west.

    Some of my be therapeutic moments have been conversations in the park and sometimes my dog deposits something interesting along the way.   I think the phone grabs in a desperate situation only work if the guy or girl that answers is really experienced and doesn't fob you off with other numbers,etc.

    Adios, David.

  4. christopher
    christopher avatar
    9 posts
    3 June 2013 in reply to Hayley

    Hi Hayley, Don't loose hope, you have to keep grinding away each day. It's bloody hard and sometimes you wonder if you can hang on. Don't stop trying your meds or psychiatrist, you will crack the code one day. Try and find at least one thing that brings happiness to yourself and when you are down focus on this. It may be a pet or something crazy like finding a secluded spot and dancing or yelling just doing crazy stuff to give your self a laugh, it's something that you have that no one else knows about. (this was a favorite of mine when I was at rock bottom). In between the sleeps find that one thing that is yours to cherish to help give you hope and with hope you move forward. Cheers

    Chris

  5. Ziggykat
    Ziggykat avatar
    1 posts
    6 June 2013 in reply to Hayley

    I'm hearing ya Hayley and am in the trenches with ya - hang in there, that's all I can say

  6. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15561 posts
    7 June 2013 in reply to Hayley

    dear Hayley, there have been so many positive comments by all those people above me, too many to type.

    Your comment of falling asleep and not waking up is a worry for me, and it concerns me greatly.

    As David Charles has said people who say 'everything will be ok you will get through this', is an ignorant comment, in fact they don't understand one bit of how depression destroys your life, and yes 'they have never had it'.

    It also annoys me when a doctor makes the same comment, and you say when, why doesn't it happen now, today or even tomorrow would be OK, 'well we don't know, sorry sign here and see you next week', money money money that's what it boils down to, although this may be disrespectful to some, because there are psych's. who do care.

    In depression we are put into a void, or a maze where we have no clue as to how to get out of it, or maybe a barrel with the sides all being greased, so there's no way out.

    I can't speak for everyone but I was in the same situation as you, nothing seemed to work, day in day out I put the fake face on everyday and it became momentous, my face instantly knew where my smile normally sits, in the same groove where my wrinkles now sit.

    I like the comment by Mark about looking in the mirror, sure you might cry a couple of times before you can accept the fact that hey is that you Hayley, my hair needs a wash, and when was the last time I shaved, I look like --------, and if I can change the bed clothes, awww that feeling of clean pillow cases and the smell of them, oh that's so nice.

    Unfortunately there is no magic pill, but there will be one one day, and we just take it day by day, and if I feel worse tomorrow then yesterday was a better day. Take care, but I am concerned for you. Geoff.

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