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Forums / Depression / Help - how can I separate my true feelings from the depression?

Topic: Help - how can I separate my true feelings from the depression?

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. LongHardRoad
    LongHardRoad avatar
    4 posts
    7 June 2013

    Hi,

    I am 24 and I have been suffering from depression and anxiety on and off since adolescence but mostly it has gone untreated.  I have a parent with bipolar and a sibling with depression and I have always had to be strong for them so I guess I just learnt to suffer in silence. But recently I have been finding it more difficult to cope. I moved out of home with my fiancee and I have been unemployed for months. My depression seems to come in waves but when I am at my lowest I feel like I can't imagine a future for myself. I can't imagine feeling better or being happy or just managing to cope at all. Has anyone else experienced this? I have been getting very irritable with my partner and having doubts about marrying him. We have been together since I was 16 and he is the only person who knows the real me and I know I love him. But our relationship hasn't always been smooth sailing. I don't know if how I am feeling is because of my depression or if it is how I really feel. I'm just really confused and I could use some advice from people who have been there

    Thanks.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15560 posts
    7 June 2013 in reply to LongHardRoad

    dear Long Road, unfortunately you seem to have the depression genes, which is so sad, being handed down the line to you, you didn't ask for it, and don't want it. it's just that there was a 50/50 chance from getting them.

    I know how you feel as I was given OCD, but my twin didn't, ( and good luck for him ) and like wise this has gone through generation after generation.

    You have had to struggle with this silent illness, because you had to care for your father and brother, and that would have been an enormous job, and an unthankful job, not knowing what the next day will bring, but you have to consider yourself as a lovely lady to manage all of this.

    You may not have known as an adolescence that you actually were suffering from this illness, but now it comes in waves, and if not treated these will become much bigger and then sweep you off your feet, and cause depression to be full on.

    You need to get some professional help, it's your turn now, your 24 and soon to be married, so it's very important to overcome your depression before you do get married.

    The doubts you have about getting married are because of your depression, and you have known your boyfriend for 8 years, so you have been through a lot of good times and also all the traumas, but now this is the biggest problem that you are facing.

    Your so young and it really upsets me to know that at your age or even younger, that this illness has taken control over you, and is affecting your life.

    I'm not sure whether you can make up your mind about marriage at this stage, because depression is confusing your thoughts.

    I don't know how your boyfriend feels about all of this, and whether he makes a decision only you really know, but the main point is that you need to see your doctor a.s.a.p, because with taking medication this may clean your mind, I hope so. L Geoff. x

  3. Couch Dracula
    Couch Dracula avatar
    10 posts
    8 June 2013 in reply to LongHardRoad

    HI Long Road,
    I know exactly how it feels to not know where my future is headed.
    In the past year I've spiralled from a confident, happy 25 year old to nothing short of melancholy.
    I have no idea where things are heading and it scares me so much it stopped me leaving my house.
    Thats why i took the first step and took myself to a GP who to my surprise took the time to listen and ask questions.
    Your probably worrying about everything at this point in time so dont make any rash decisions. Talking to your partner will help.
     
    Good luck and remember you're not alone xo

    S.x


  4. LongHardRoad
    LongHardRoad avatar
    4 posts
    8 June 2013

    Thanks Geoff. I have made an appointment to see a doctor. It's something I have been putting off for so long because I guess I've been scared of a diagnosis and because I hoped if I just ignored the problem it would just go away. I also don't like to talk about my feelings and open up to people so the thought of having to bare my soul is scary.

    My partner is very supportive and wants me to get help. For years he has been saying he thinks I might be bipolar like my dad. I don't want to be told I am bipolar though. I also don't want to take strong medication because I have seen the negative effects they can have and I don't want that for me.

    I want to get help because I want to be happy. But part of me worries that I will never be able to be happy, like it's just not in my DNA. I hope that is not true.

  5. LongHardRoad
    LongHardRoad avatar
    4 posts
    9 June 2013 in reply to Couch Dracula

    Thanks Couch Dracula. It's helpful to know that you have experienced a similar thing to me. I definitely am worrying about everything at this point. I will be seeing a GP this week. Your response made me feel better about seeing the doctor. Thanks.

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