I have been in a few relationships over the years as well as having had long
periods in between. Most of the in between periods were ok, as I am generally
comfortable with my own company and that of good friends, but I know that doesn’t
suit everyone. There was however, a period in my life when I desperately wanted
a relationship and try as I might nothing fell into place.
A year or so later, I was given an opportunity to change career and that
presented me with a whole new learning curve. I was starting over from scratch,
new job, location, friends and a lot of other challenges, which meant I wanted
and needed to focus. With that in mind I made myself a promise that I wouldn’t
get involved in a relationship and therefore be distracted, until I was
confident and competent in my new role.
I don’t recall how long that promise actually lasted but it seemed as though
I started receiving attention only a few months in, which at the time was
flattering and embarrassing as I was a little shy, annoying because I was
trying to focus and confusing because back then, I couldn’t understand why.
Eventually, I came to realise that being focused on something and not
looking for a relationship meant that I was sometimes considered ‘aloof’. I
wasn’t rude or abrupt, just focused on my job which meant I came across to
others as just being me, a regular bloke with no expectations of others.
I also came to realise that when people are desperate they tend to try too
hard and in the case of relationships, that desperation can be viewed by others
as being unattractive and off-putting. Sometimes the harder we try, the less
likely we are to find the thing we are looking for and when we aren’t looking
for something, that’s precisely when it falls in our lap.
I don’t necessarily think it’s wrong to self-assess ourselves occasionally
in order to better understand who we are, but I would like to suggest that we
should never try to be anything but ourselves because when the time comes, we
all want a relationship with someone who see's and appreciates us for who are.
You may know the old saying can’t see the wood for the trees,
meaning someone becomes so focused on something, they struggle to find it. Sometimes
it is better to stop looking, take a step back, give yourself some breathing
room, focus your energy elsewhere for a while and let fate run its course.