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Forums / Depression / Hi everyone, I'm back.

Topic: Hi everyone, I'm back.

  1. Matchy69
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    4584 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    Tayla I would probably find myself hiding from her.I prefer to be by myself and then have someone constantly annoying me like that.I am not sure what her real motives are wether she thinks she is trying to help you or she is just lonely or she has mental health problems herself.One thing is don't reveal to much about yourself to people.I never tell anyone I have mental health problems only my closest family.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Thanks Mark. I haven't revealed much to her and I try not to. On here it's different because we all understand and it's anonymous, no one knows where anyone lives and so forth. It's more at ease here.

    I'm glad you agree and would do and feel the same. I like being alone most of the time too. I'm lonely too and have mental illnesses as you know but I wouldn't be like that to someone because it can really annoy them and affect their mental health and maybe even tip them over the edge.

    I see my Psychologist tomorrow night so I'll discuss it with her, and then my GP and Psychiatrist (I like to tell them as much as I can, especially my Psychiatrist) when I see them. Hopefully the stuff with my bladder will be sorted out soon too but I doubt it.

  3. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    8776 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    I agree with PsychedelicFur that you appear to lack some self esteem/confidence.

    I was the same, what changed my life was a motivation lecture at 26yo. After only 30 minutes this man motivated me and gave me courage.

    Google

    Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life

    Its really great you attend s psychiatrist and tell her everything, many hold back and that restricts the help you get back. Imo mental health problems need a multi pronged approach, attending motivation lectures was one of those methods I used during my partial recovery now nearly 40 years ago.

    If you had more confidence and you mustered your ability to be tactful, you could reply to this woman more bluntly and hopefully not hurt her feelings. If she takes offence well, you've done your best.

    TonyWK
    1 person found this helpful
  4. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony. Yeah I have no confidence and self esteem at all.

    My Psychiatrist and GP are Male, the Psychologist is Female.

  5. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    6 April 2021

    So I asked my Psychiatrist to do a positive trait thing the Psychologist sent me, I'll ask my GP too. This is what he wrote. I guess he can't write too much because of rules and it may seem creepy and whatnot. I'm still somewhat flattered I guess. He chose these words:

    - Kind.

    - Intelligent (not sure how I am but ok).

    - Thoughtful.

    - Respectful.

    - Honest.

    - Modest (not really sure what that means, can someone please explain it in simple terms? I've heard it before).

    - Serious (I guess this would mean I take things seriously such as my emotions, others, etc)?

    - Reliable.

    - Sensitive (hell yes, not sure how that is positive though, more negative in my opinion. Well I guess it can be both).

    - Corteous.

    - Grateful (I try to be but I guess I have moments where I don't seem grateful and appreciative of what I have, not intentionally).

    - Cooperative.

  6. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    8776 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover

    Hi

    Modest is when you are well taught and experienced in certain fields but oyu dont talk about your abilities very much. Humble is a similar word for the same.

    Sensitivity- well I'm sensitive but I wouldnt have it any other way. Sensitivity brings feelings, deep ones and that can cause you to live life in a beautiful way. I write poetry and I can say that my sensitivity adds to my work.

    For example-

    LUCKY LIVES

    I ponder my lucky life
    As I pass my middle age
    And think of what I haven’t done
    To turn another page

    I haven’t felt the “G” forces
    In a spitty’s flying suit
    Bullets in mi’ belly
    By a 109 pursuit

    I haven’t worked a railway line
    And I haven’t had an empty gut
    Nor had my limbs amputated
    In a stinkin’ Burmese hut

    I’ve done a lot of labour
    In a Telstra trench
    But I haven’t dodged a bullet
    In the ‘Somme’ of stench

    I’ve basked in the tropical sun
    Without a worry of care
    But I haven’t searched for a man trap
    In the Vietnam orange air

    I’ve watched the desert storm
    And worried about diggers fate
    But I haven’t heard a martyr
    Before he detonates

    I’ve marched as a rookie
    To protect the human race
    But I didn’t return from “Nam”
    With tomatoes in my face- a disgrace

    As I ponder my lucky life
    I wonder how it can be
    Then salute our fallen soldiers
    That made our lives so free

    It only takes a moment
    They gave us our lucky lives
    That shaped our country’s future
    And filled us with our pride…

    and

    PINKY THE PIG

    Pinky the pig began to cry
    Pinky didn’t have a curly tail
    Like the others in the sty

    They laughed aloud the other piggies
    While rolling in the dirt
    They didn’t think for a moment
    -the level of their hurt

    Then one day the other piggies
    Fell into deep mud- such stink!!
    All of them were stuck
    Except pointy pinky pink

    Then with a smile
    and a wagging straight tail
    pinky pointed at them with glee
    pinky pulled them all to safety
    finally they were free

    So legend has it that pinky was heroic
    And the other piggies began to cry
    They all wished they had a pointy tail
    And were special in the sty…

    Written with feelings. Not everyone has such deep feelings. I'm lucky.

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  7. amberlite
    amberlite avatar
    273 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover

    Hell to all , I am so glad to read your posts, even if they are about uncomfortable stuff, is your dog at all fearsome because some dogs can be defensive and helpful. If this person is really targeting you then you will need to tell her WHAT< WHEN< and HOW it is gonna be. If you want nothing to do with her then, YOU YELL-- I"M BUSY, every time she invades your space. SAY NOTHING BUT--- I"M BUSY over and over till she gets it.

    on a kinder note maybe, you remind her of her daughter, or she has brain damage, a fella in my road is brain damaged and we all have different boundaries with him, like I wont let him in the house if my husband is not home. You just gotta set your boundary in concrete.

    3 people found this helpful
  8. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    567 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi,

    Tony thats beautiful poetry! I really liked the pinky pig poem, he's cute :)

    Tayla, I'm hearing that this is a tough time for you. I was reminded of this idea recently by a FB post. Strong people aren't born, they are made. It's the tough times we go through in life that shape our character, make us the person we become. A great analogy is baby birds. Did you know that if you break a chicks egg to help it hatch, that it will die? The baby chick needs that struggle to strengthen essential muscles for life.

    Life is pretty tough sometimes. And some people seem to have it tougher than others. The thing is, you don't know how the challenges you are facing today, will help you, or someone else tomorrow. I have seen this happen in my life so much, so I want to encourage you to use all your resources to strengthen those baby bird muscles, cos girl, you're gona need them to FLY!!!

    Also, resources means anything that you can use. It might be your parents help, friends, IRL and here at BB, your Drs and Psychs, researching on the internet, books, movies, things you've learnt, challenges you've overcome and the strengths and abilities that helped you overcome them.

    I would add, to Tony's excellent description, that modest means you don't put yourself forward, or 'toot your own horn'. I would agree. You certainly don't brag about your achievements and abilities Tayla. Modest dress is dressing to cover one's 'assets' lol.....not wearing revealing clothes.

    All the best,

    J*

    3 people found this helpful
  9. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    567 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to amberlite

    Hi,

    I like it Amberlite! It could be softened by not yelling, but simply stating,very firmly, I'm busy. The repetition is good, apparently that almost always works.

    Cheers,

    J*

    1 person found this helpful
  10. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    6 April 2021

    Hi all.

    I'll read all of your replies and reply properly tonight, I have a Psychologist appointment at 6 and have to have dinner and walk also. Not ignoring anyone, I'll just reply when I have more time. Thanks, speak soon.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    6 April 2021

    Sorry all.

    Tony - thanks for explaining that and the nice poems. I've been raised to treat everyone equally and not brag about what I have. I don't look down on people who have disabilities, mental illnesses, physical illnesses, less than others (for example they don't have much money, a car, etc). I don't brag about stuff. I had a very toxic "friend" I've known since I was 8 who constantly did that that I cut out of my life.

    Amber - what do you mean if they're about uncomfortable stuff? Yeah my Dog is protective and loyal. I try to say that about being busy and having appointments or making up some excuse but she still doesn't get it. No I don't want anything to do with her. She befriended me, I thought she was odd from the start but now I seem to realise it more.

    J - that's true, and nice analogy. Yes I'm having a very hard time lately. I told this to my Psychologist tonight (over the phone because they're not close to me), and my Mum. I'll tell my GP and Psychiatrist when I see them about this lady. The Psychologist said that even if she is lonely, she shouldn't be doing this, and even if she may have trouble processing certain things slower than others (without being rude), she should still respect my space and not invade it and make me uncomfortable. She said I have every right to speak up.

    Thanks Tony and J for explaining what modest means, I'm just stupd. Heard it before but wasn't too sure what it meant.

  12. Matchy69
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    4584 posts
    7 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    Hi Tayla I am just seeing how you are?Did you and your dad manage to talk to your neighbour?I hope you are ok.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  13. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    7 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Hi Mark. No I haven't yet.
  14. Matchy69
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    7 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    It will be a difficult thing to do.I hope your day's been ok.
    1 person found this helpful
  15. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    7 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Yeah it will be. Dad just says I should leave it alone and talk to her if I see her or if some comes up to our house again
  16. Matchy69
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    7 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    Tayla hopefully she doesn't annoy you any more but if she does then you might have to have a word with her for your own mental health.
    1 person found this helpful
  17. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    7 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Yeah hopefully
  18. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    7 April 2021
    Feeling really depressed lately. I can't even get through on any helplines. Sigh.
  19. Matchy69
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    8 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    I am really sorry your feeling so depressed lately.I am here if you need to talk.
    2 people found this helpful
  20. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    9815 posts
    8 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Mblover

    I am also sorry to see that you have been depressed recently.

    I have noticed from this thread on your helpful posts to others what kind caring person you are .You are always keen to offer support to others so I hope you can all be kind to yourself.

    I find the word stupid to be unhelpful because we all know different things. There are many words I don’t know.

    it must be unsettling with this lady, I hope that can be resolved soon.
    quirky

    4 people found this helpful
  21. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    567 posts
    8 April 2021

    Hi Tayla, wave to Mark and quirky and everyone,

    I just thought I’d share a nice thing I’ve been practicing lately.
    instead of saying sorry, we can say thankyou. To me it feels much nicer, to myself. And gratitude is one of those emotions that seems to promote help from the universe- god- whatever you perceive it to be.
    cheers,

    J*

    2 people found this helpful
  22. Matchy69
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    4584 posts
    8 April 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Jstar like saying thankyou for sharing how you are really feeling.
    3 people found this helpful
  23. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    8 April 2021

    Thanks all.

    Saw my GP earlier. He told me the continence people have my referral but it's on the wait list TO BE READ, NOT SEEN. What?! I was nearly crying I was so upset with this stuff, it's been 6+ weeks since he did the referral. I asked him to refer me to the lady who did my cyst removal surgery in 2018 because it says she deals with that stuff then he kept trying to say he didn't want to and she doesn't deal with that stuff, it says she does.

    I'm so sick of this town. I'm in pain from my bladder and I also have stomach problems (yes thats my own fault with my awful diet), and now a sore jaw and headaches (which I told him about). He said if I'm in pain from the bladder, go to the emergency department. I said what are they gonna do? That's not an emergency.

    Ugh, I give up. I give up trying and getting nowhere. I cancelled my appointments with him. My Psychiatrist is the only genuine one in this whole situation and he's interstate.

    I'm beyond done.

  24. Matchy69
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    8 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    Tayla I can hear the pain your words with you not getting anywhere medically.I know about waiting list and have been in pain while on them then suddenly a miracle happens and you get an appointment.if the pain is to much their is nothing wrong with going to the emergency at the hospital.I have done it and they did more test and gave me relief for the pain.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    3 people found this helpful
  25. Sleepy21
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    2903 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    HI all

    That sounds really hard Tayla

    Just a thought re cancelling an appointment - do u think it might give u a break to stop ur appointments or u might want them again? i'm hoping ur okay and just wandering if u might want to keep appointments there in case? and if it's not good it's a waste of time but there's a small chance it might help or he might have another idea?
    all good if not.

    sometimes it takes everything we have to keep safe, or to get through the day. If ur doing that, that's enough.
    Going to hospital was maddening for me and it took me 3 weeks to get in. I can't believe how hard it was. I felt like they hated me and didn't want me there, but I heard every single person in the hospital say their experience had been the same - really hard to get in. It's really hectic and busy now. I know it's hard and u are trying with all ur might. I hope u find some ppl in ur town who are kinder and more supportive. Even if it's only one person.
    We're always here despite being in different parts of Australia.

    2 people found this helpful
  26. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    9 April 2021

    Hi Mark, Sleepy and others. I haven't felt like replying to anyone on the forums or even on Facebook which is nothing personal, I'm so depressed and suicidal. I'm not trying to sound like I'm the only one who has issues with mental and physical health, what I mean is how can it take over 6 weeks, and they haven't even read it? I don't mind waiting about 3 weeks but anything longer than that is ridiculous in my opinion, I don't mean to sound impatient but honestly.

    This town sucks. The only thing I like is the scenery (walking tracks), bird life, and it's peaceful, that's all. Yes there's a couple of nice people even if you walk and they say hi but most are rude, in my opinion. I cancelled all of my appointments with my GP, kept the ones with my Psychologist and Psychiatrist. I was nearly crying and my GP didn't seem to care. I said I was in pain from my bladder and now headaches and jaw pain (I take something for that which goes away, not prescribed meds, just the usual stuff, probably can't mention it here), and he basically said "what do you want me to do about it?".

    I said I asked him to refer me to the lady who did my cyst removal surgery in 2018, in the first place, then I would've been seen by now. At least she helped and has my history, although I wasn't on antidepressants then, but she knows everything else in terms of the cyst. He was rude about it but did it and he said "don't be surprised if she can't help either". He didn't say come back if I have any concerns or call or anything like that. There's more important things people go to ED for, and I'd be being a burden which I already am.

    He hurries me up every time I see him even if I have a long or short appointment (I pay the same amount for either), stands there with the door open. I never see him or any other Doctor do that to other patients. There were these 2 ladies before me who took ages and he never rushed them. I feel discriminated. I've never had an issue with my GP, I just felt like he was rude and didn't care and like I'm wasting mine and his time, like I just shouldn't bother coming because I'm not welcome. That's how I felt, and how he made me feel. He didn't seem to care I was upset and in pain. That's why I cancelled them. I can't get until near the end of May, but I don't see the point of seeing him at all anyway. I can't be bothered getting another GP and all that rubbish.

    I understand I'm not the only one struggling etc. I wish I was dead. I'm beyond done with everything.

  27. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    Sophie_M avatar
    4418 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    Hey Mb20lover, 

    We're so sorry to hear about your recent visit to the GP. This sounds like a really awful and disheartening experience. We can imagine it would've felt very isolating and hurtful to hear such dismissive comments from your GP. Please know that these feelings of frustration and pain will pass and that there are many positive experiences yet to be had.  Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.
    2 people found this helpful
  28. Matchy69
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    4584 posts
    10 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover
    Hi Tayla I understand your frustrations with your doctor.It is very hard finding one that takes you seriously.Being in pain is no fun and effects your mental health.You are not a burden and deserve to be treated just as much as anyone.We are here to support you and care about you.I know how tough you are doing it at the moment.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    2 people found this helpful
  29. Sleepy21
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    10 April 2021 in reply to mb20lover

    HI Tayla

    I've wrote a response a few times and deleted it because I feel really unsure how to help as mostly it hasn't really been helpful to you. I'm just wishing you well and hoping u find some peace

    4 people found this helpful
  30. mb20lover
    mb20lover avatar
    3350 posts
    10 April 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Sleepy, it does help. I try to say thank you and show appreciation to you and others here. I'm sorry if I don't at times. I do take all the advice given to me by professionals and non professionals. Just because I don't post about it, doesn't mean I don't take it. I've done literally everything I can, it's not my fault if people won't help up here. I can't even join groups, before COVID also, and I'm never given an explanation as to why. I do say it's discrimination but they don't seem to care.

    I'm not in a position to move at the moment, and I'm worried if I did, that things could be worse or the same, and then it would take time adjusting, etc. Yes there's a possibility things could be better but it just seems like it's me. Everything I do and say is wrong. I often feel judged even on here like people think "oh she's annoying, what does she have to be depressed, etc about? She's so negative, all she does is whinge" amongst other things.

    It does help, you didn't need to delete your comments. But everything is different for everyone. Believe me I've tried everything I can, on and offline.

    I understand my GP may have been having a bad & busy day but that was no reason for him to be rude. I also said I was feeling triggered by the girls in the waiting room with their friends (which is no one's fault, I just get triggered because I have none) & he just shrugged his shoulders basically saying "who cares?". No other GPs in that clinic or other clinics around are taking new patients. I tried to see a different GP there who also deals with mental health but he's not taking new patients either.

    I just felt so unwanted and unwelcome in that session. I thought I was supposed to go to a GP with mental and physical concerns and they were meant to help, not be rude? Every other time he's been fine & I've had no issue. I don't understand all of a sudden. I feel judged. I feel like I'm just a burden wasting his & my time, like I shouldn't go there because I don't belong. I feel like I don't deserve help & I'm not gonna get it.

    He could've at least said "I'm sorry to hear that" about me being triggered, & could at least contact the place he referred me to himself & say "she has mental health issues & she's in pain, it's affecting her, can you please hurry up & see her, or give her an appointment at least?".

    I know I'm not the only one struggling mentally & physically & I'm not trying to sound selfish, impatient, etc. I just give up. 

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