All I want to do is waste away and avoid everything I’m afraid of. I’m too anxious to see my friends and family, to talk to a professional in any way, too depressed to get out of bed and make any changes.

even something as simple as practicing mindfulness is impossible for me because I stop myself.

how do I find drive to make any step forward?

Hi Baileybasil,

you’ve got a lot of things going on in your mind my friend. Where to start?? I know when you’re in distress it’s hard to talk - to friends, professionals, even yourself. All there is is a loop of self-loathing going through your mind and you just want it to stop..

I’ve found that Breaking that cycle sometimes begins with actually describing it. Could you give us a little bit of a story about tour situation? How long this has been going on for, is it both anxiety and depression, how are your relationships with family and friends?

Love and good wishes to you.

Hi Baileybasil,

I just want you to know that I completely understand how you feel. What you described, I am feeling the same way right now. It is extremely difficult. You are not alone.

I’ve had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember and I’ve described it so much I’ve gotten tired of hearing it myself.

Hello Dear Baileybasil...

It saddened me to read your words...because I’ve had similar feelings and thoughts..

I think that when we know nothing but depression and anxiety..it becomes our normal way of living.... and it’s hard to break that cycle..that way of thinking negatively and over thinking....The only way we know to think and live our lives..Then comes a time, when we say enough is enough..I need to start reaching out for help to some professionals....but that’s to hard...the first visit is so scary and our minds puts all sorts of scenarios into our head...

In my heart..I think depression and anxiety is caused by our home life, our working , shopping and unfortunately sometimes people....we love or are associated with...I only go out once a week...because that’s all I can cope with..too many people and noises...

What I found helped me, was to get away from every day life and the hassles that come with it....I go outside a lot and just sit and look at a tree I like..and try to find some wildlife in it.,,,before long my ears pick up the sounds of birds and the many different sounds they make...I know I sound silly..but it’s just enough to give my mind a rest for a little while..from all the thoughts I don’t want to hear...Do you have a quiet place somewhere...not for mindfulness but to just sit quietly and think of nothing at all..waiting for your ears pick up different sounds...different then the usual every day hustle and bustle of life....

Please talk here anytime you feel up to it...These forums are a beautiful place to be..and a great first step to reaching out for help....

My kindest and most caring thoughts, Dear Bailybasil..

Grandy..

No, apart from my room; which I’m in all the time.

Hello Dear Bailybasil....

I stayed in my house for a long time..not going out anywhere because of my fear....I can in some way understand your fear of going outside into the world..

I started with small steps..sitting outside on my veranda for a few minutes at first, after some time I can now sit on it, in peace and enjoy the natural world that I see, hear etc...

Due to conditions of Centrelink payments I had to find volunteer work..and I did which kind of forced me to be in amongst people...To be honest I was a complete mess the first couple of months, but now I do it most Tuesdays without even thinking about it...(I only do one day a week)..

Since My situation changed I no longer need to volunteer, but I still do, because it gets me out and into the world..

Staying in your room each day, doing nothing much, does keep our thoughts on negativity..Please Bailybasil, if you can try even a few minutes at a time to walk outside into the fresh air, and just look around you..it will help you both physically and mentally..

Do you think that you could do that?..

My kind thoughts dear Baikybasil..

Grandy

That’s totally understandable being sick of talking about it.

Perhaps I said the wrong thing - you described the depression in your initial post. I should have said describe your life/situation. Just trying to get a feel for what your life is like. Do you have support from family and/or friends? Do you work/study/neither?

You’ve said it’s both anxiety and depression. Is the anxiety more predominant or the depression? Or 50/50?

I think the root is anxiety and the depression comes from my fears, although I’m depressed for other reasons aswell. I only have my mother, who was neglectful to me as a child. I’m too afraid to talk to people I have established relationships with because I feel so patronised and beneath them when they know I’m messed up. Even talking to a professional.

I dropped out of school at the end of year 10 because I make bad decisions and now my life has these barriers I have to deal with just to get back to the start.

I have zero self confidence, I can’t even deal with a phone call. If I have a date, I’m sweating like crazy and my hearts probably beating so hard you can see it physically.

I don’t do ANYTHING. Because I’m afraid of doing anything. I don’t like the way life sounds, it’s painful and mundane. I have no idea what to do. I’m negative about everything. My depression says “yea but..” to every solution or trick that gets presented to me.

I’m too afraid to go to my gp and talk about it. Not that I could afford another psychologist now that I’m off centrelink anyway.

I just can’t, I don’t want to face it. I can’t face it.

I hate everything about myself, all I think about is why people are looking at me, what do I look like or does my hair look bad because it always does when the beach wind gets to it.

I haven’t seen my girlfriend for 4 months and our relationship was shorter before that. I feel so terrible that I’m putting this burden on her, I don’t know why she stays with me when she deserves someone who can see her face to face.

I don’t take care of my personal hygiene which opens up more reasons to stay inside.

Hi again Baileybasil,

I can sense the anguish and dislike of yourself. I'm so sorry that life is so difficult for you. I hope you didn't think I was being judgemental when I asked whether you worked or studied. I just wanted to get to know a little more about you and your life.

Could I ask you some more questions? You mentioned neglect from your mother as a child, how is your relationship with her at the moment?

Also, you mentioned that you couldn't afford to see another psychologist. Have you been to see a psychologist before?

I'd like to point out that often low or no income people can get free GP appointments, and a free Mental Health Care Plan from a GP which can entitle you to reduced or often free sessions (up to something like 10/year) with a psychologist. I know this is scary for you, the thought of talking to professionals, but it really is sometimes the first step out of hell for people - definitely that has been the experience of some people on these forums...

I live at our place pretty much alone while she’s always at her partners house. Our relationship is not good I don’t want it to be. We are basically roommates not family.

and I’ve gotten a mental health plan before yes, and the psychologist didn’t care about my depression, only told me a few breathing techniques for my anxiety and I relapsed anyway.

I have absolutely no interest in seeing a gp or getting better because doing so is going to put me right in front of what I’m avoiding to begin with.

hi Baileybasil,

i feel for u and identify a lot with what u are writing

i also hate leaving my house but also, somehow, being in my house (catch 22).
I can understand not wanting to go to a GP and get another MHCP or see a psychologist. For many ppl, they put so much hope that the gp or psychologit can hlp them and sometimes they get nowhere with them. I've had bad experiences with gps and mental health professionals, but eventually I did find one that I liked. It was difficult and I can understand not wanting to try.

Just as a side point there are other ways to get help beyond going to a GP for a MHCP - lots of different things help. Even reading about MH or maybe trauma if that could apply to where you're at, or watching youtube videos about ppl who have gone through similar. U don't have to push urself or want to do more than just trying ur best. U are trying ur best. Thats enough.

Good point about reading or watching YouTube videos sleepy!

i have found a lot of comfort in that, there is much wisdom in books and speakers on the internet, just about finding the right ones- usually most of us have a what has been referred to as a BS detector 😜

s true - some of them can be oddly addictive and misleading

good to keep an eye out and research them a bit... and to take them with a grain of salt.

Social media also has some good ppl to follow, including peers/vulnerable ppl who i've learnt a lot from about the system. again, gotta take it with a grain of salt. But lived experience is so precious to me.

Lovely to see u here, Here2talk& Bailey Basil

I hear what you’re saying about psychologists and breathing and meditation and how these are often insufficient. They are a technique for the physiological components of anxiety. But anxiety/depression are about much more than our physiology...

Firstly as sleepy was sort of driving at, it’s okay if you don’t want to see a GP/psych: don’t feel like you “have to” do anything....

But at the same time psychologists are individuals, and they are all different. Just because the first only cared about breathing/meditation, doesn’t mean they all do. One of the most important things for good mental health, if not “the” most important thing, is having some kind of relationship. Now that’s a bit difficult for you at the moment, but if you found the right psychologist, this could be quite curative for you...

But moving on.. From your post above to Grandy, you have a girlfriend at the moment, but you haven’t seen her for 4 months, is that right?

I hear you above about watching YouTube videos and reading but I’m just too stubborn in my depression to actually act in any way; apart from journaling which I’m kinda unsure how to use effectively.

Yes we were only seeing each other for 3 months before I relapsed hard and now it’s been 4 without hanging out. She seems very taken with me but I don’t know how to take it or reciprocate it. I feel really bad because of her needs in a relationship but at the same she’s very demanding to me, an introvert who’s social battery is very short. I don’t think my battery should run out with someone I’m together with right?

I don’t like talking about anything because I’m self aware that my issues are superficial and my questions about purpose and fulfilment in life are something everyone ponders and moves on from whereas I’m stuck on them.

I am in a position where I have to do something as my mum has lost work and I need to somehow bring money in when I can’t even leave my bed some days. Having a conversation with her about that is very hard for me since she’s what I believe to be the cause of at least some of my mental turmoil; and she is a bit on the fence about mental health.

I think my problem is no matter what solution someone gives me I’m just not going to take it. I don’t have it in me anymore, and I don’t know how to get the flame started again. Baby steps are leaps to me.

Hey Bailey, I'm sorry if my response sounded like advice or pushing.
I really don't believe that, I think u deserve to be heard and respected where u are.

U don't need more pressure.

I find it really frustrating myself when ppl tell me to use a mindfulness app. I don't like trying conventional things.
And I have felt very similar for most of my twenties, not open or with energy to try new things and it was hard when ppl would push them on me

I completely broke down when a friend (i thought a friend... now not so much) started lecturing me that i should just go to my GP and get a referall to a good psychologist. I found it was never that simple for me anyway. In 2019 i did just that, got a referall, went to a psychologist. I didn't find it helpful.

I couldn't put my finger on why. And then ppl exept you to feel better from the psychologist, to just absorb their advice and do whatever they say. My psychologist didn't give me tonnes of advice. He gave me mindfulness excercises at home but I couldn't listen to them bcause I didn't love the way he presented them and he himself was the one guiding the meditations which i found intense. also they went for ages, ten or twelve minues, and my window of tolerance wouldn't allow me to focus that long.

I found it hard to leave him, I kept seeing him for a few months beause I felt like that's wht I had to do to get well, while it didn't actually make me well.

I wish I knew what did, but I don't think shutting down one's intituition is the answer. No need to watch youtube or read books etc and sorry if it sounded like I was pressuring you. That just worked for me. No one person has all the answers and your intuition is so important.

I know someone who gets disability pension due to anxiety problems.. could this be something to look into for you since your mother is now out of work??

Did you ever discuss cognitive distortions with the psychologist you saw? There are a lot of things where you seem to be rejecting ideas before you have even thought about them. E.g: “no matter what solution I’m just not going to take it”, “I’m too stubborn”.....

Us humans are not really one thing, but a composite of many different thoughts and feelings and memories built up over time.

You look down on yourself for your issues being “superficial” and your problems with meaning being something everyone has. But neither of these things are true.

Firstly, you have problems with anxiety and depression and problematic relationships and what seems like a fear of judgement by others.. This is by no means superficial dear baileybasil... These are real problems.

Secondly, not everyone grapples at such a painful level with meaning and purpose - indeed all the routine things like jobs and relationships flesh out much in our lives and create a sense of meaning which actually covers up the painful truth that you’ve come to realise: what the hell is the meaning????

I think one important thing which you may not see, is that you are just as important a human being as anyone else on this planet. I feel like you don’t believe this. Sounds like your childhood and relationship with your mother may have a lot to do with that... You are a worthwhile person Baileybasil - we need to treat ourselves as we would someone we were taking care of.

I’m curious as to what are your problems with hygiene?

So this woman is still your girlfriend, despite not having seen you for 4 months? Id like to hear more about her, and the problems you have with the relationship.

Take care.

Just that I’m bedridden some days and the only thing I do which is rare is have a long shower and even then it’s not about getting clean. I don’t wash my clothes, brush my teeth or eat properly.

Every girl I talk to has the same fixer mentality so I haven’t seen my girlfriend since I relapsed because that means I have to get my sh*t together as well as take care of my self so I’m at least presentable.

She tells me she’s in love with me after only a short time of dating, she says a lot of things like that. It’s almost too much to believe but I’m also struggling with wanting someone who is more like me, she’s a girly girl who’s very positive, sweet doesn’t do anything “bad” and for some reason though I know she is the type of person you want to be in a relationship with I want someone who is pessimistic like me. Maybe it’s because I’m envious of people who can be content with the simple.

You didn't sound like pushing or pressuring Sleepy. I thought it was a wonderful addition that you mentioned youtube and other things - that's the beauty of multiple perspectives. I think advice giving is fine - as long as it's done as "this has worked for me/others, maybe it could work for you too", rather than "you better do this or you're a chump". I think your response fitted into that first category :)

I think it's alright to suggest things - Baileybasil is just at a loss as to what to do at the moment, no matter what is suggested

Yeah I didn’t mean to sound as if I felt pushed.

thanks Here2Talk, that is reassuring. I don't want to push anyone away.
a lot of us here on the forums have tried many, many things to stay well , so i speak as one of those ppl, and i fully know that for myself some things that ppl told em to do didn't work so well, and some did. Love that we can all share and give real-life examples.

i always avoided youtube and pop psychology because i thought it was too fluffy but it ended up being good for me in my own recovery.

Thanks for caring and writing. I'm sorry BaileyBasil about feeling down and am here to listen

Yeah I guess we have all felt that way by people at times (pushed) ... People that mean well often and really really really don't like seeing us distressed - sometimes people that don't mean well. The truth is that no one thing works for everybody, and there are people out there which are never helped...

You're in a bit of a pit at the moment Baileybasil. I'm sorry that life is that way at the moment, that sucks.

The hard thing about depression anxiety is that they are complex - In some cases changes in lifestyle can help, in others medication. But so can having successes in life or rewarding social interaction. In fact, success and and good relationships make us feel good.

I mention all this because the less of these you have lined up, the more likely one is to have anxiety/depression. I have some of these lined up myself - some of them I could really do better at.

I get what you're saying about your girlfriend. Although she does really sound like a dream, I get why you would be a bit... apprehensive or.... skeptical about the way she acts and some of the things she says. Who knows to be honest. Is it almost like you feel a bit... like she's being dishonest or disrespectful (I can't quite find the word I'm after) with you being all positive and happy while you're feeling the opposite?

 

She acts like me isolating myself is personal to her and she also talks about our and my situation to god knows how many people I know it’s a few. I’m embarrassed and more people know about me than I could know. I guess she just doesn’t get it? Because she’s never experienced what I’m experiencing. I’m also just introverted and enjoy space.

I think medication might help me but I don’t know how to go about it and I also dread the thought of doing everything necessary to set that up.

Even then it takes a while to see results right? Would it give me the boost I need? I feel like a leech in this state not being able to help out.

Yeah well that’s the hard thing about romantic relationships I guess, in a way it is always personal, because it is (usually) a life together - humans need regular meaningful contact with other humans to keep them happy. This is one reason why fly in fly out workers may have strained relationships. But that’s just physical distance; emotional distance is sort of like rejection (not necessarily intentional though)..

The talking to her about your problems I get from both sides - depending on how many people she tells and how much she tells it may be understandable or it may be a bit insensitive to your sense of privacy... As I don’t know much about it I won’t say anymore.

Its still great she’s staying with you when you haven’t seen her for four months - that’s a long time. Do you communicate much with her otherwise- eg text/phone/video call?

Medication might be good. It’s definitely not a cure by itself and everyone responds differently, but combined with working on yourself in other ways could be helpful. To disclose my own experience, I first went on antidepressants about ... 2010, took them for four years, stopped for one or two I can’t remember, and have been on them for the most part of the last 6-7 years with a short break halfway... Interventions tend to work best when you combine them, eg. Medication and psychotherapy, taking care of yourself.

Unfortunately your last psychologist told you to breathe and meditate - which are great things, but without addressing underlying issues is like trying to put a bandaid on a broken bone...

But don’t think you have to go and do everything at once. Maybe medication calms you just enough to work on taking care of yourself and spending some time with your girlfriend, and then some therapy, if you get a better therapist this time, helps a little bit too...

just ideas my friend, hoping that something useful comes out of my mind to grab onto- like sleepy, I’m not here to preach but try and help people suffer a little less

I want to try meds but I’m just too afraid to get back into life and talk to a gp

hi Bailey Basil, getting on medcation does take a lot of thought and steps, the first wouldbe seeing a mental health professional who you trust to dispense them.

because when on meds u really need someone who understands them to monitor if they're working or not

and have open conversations about that. so not to discourage you at all, but i'd say take small steps eg consider finding a doctor yu like or trust and then medication actually be very easy once u have that doctor, if that's the route you want to go to.

They do often take a while to work, some work very quick but can be a little more intense and maybe almost work too good, and can be addictive.
Good luck and hope u find something suitable, be it medication, a gp or something else. I hope u are okay

i understand not wanting to talk to a gp - it can be so hard to talk to medical professionals sometime and hard to find one that you like, and even if you do like them, the whole process can be difficult. I hate even driving to and going to the GP. I feel like it's better in person than telehealth, but with my depression sometimes i struggle to drive and go anywhere to i do telehealth. totally understand that it can be hard in many ways to talk to a gp. hang in there