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Forums / Depression / It's just so hard, I don't know what to do anymore.

Topic: It's just so hard, I don't know what to do anymore.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Mld92
    Mld92 avatar
    1 posts
    7 June 2013
    Where to start...?

    I'm 21yr old female and I am the type of person who is naturally really emotional but also sensitive so it has been hard for me to realize that I have a problem but I think I can see it now. For the past 6 months I believe I have been suffering depression and it's just getting worse and worse. 

    It started off as a mood every now and then where I just felt down toward life, I felt sad and lonely at times for little reason at all and would just find myself crying for the smallest reasons or no reason at all. It has been hard for me to pin point whether I'm depressed also because I work a very stressful job which requires me to be on my feet for 8hrs straight sometimes with no break, unpaid overtime almost daily, shift work which consists of late nights, overnights and working almost every weekend, and to add to that the level of responsibility is taken home with me, so I can never just go home and relax there is always something on my mind when it comes to work. Lets just say I am very unhappy in my job and when you're spending 40-50 hours of your week there it becomes very draining. Working late nights and weekends has stripped me of my social life, and I also get little time with my family or partner.

    I just miss people and I miss my old life. But I have to work this job and these hours to survive, I have been frantically looking for something new but it's a lot harder then it would seem even though I have over 5yrs of experience in my profession. Anyway I believe my job has been the trigger for how I am feeling. I come home with little energy and I just feel dead all the time, I could stay in my bed forever if I could. The tiredness and stress has made me want to withdraw from others in the only bit of spare time that I do have, just to rest. I come home and just cry, I feel empty, I feel like I'm stuck in a place I just cannot get out of. The worst part is that before I had this job I was the strongest person, I had confidence and I used to smile all the time, I was independent and bright and people looked to me for advice, I used to look forward to things. But now I just don't even know who I am anymore, I don't enjoy the things I used to as much, its just not the same feeling anymore, its like I'm good at feeling down but i cant feel the highs of life at all. I feel alone and like I'm stuck in a rut I cannot get out of, I'm disappointed in myself. 

    I don't eat properly or consistently anymore, mainly because when I get home I just want to sleep and then I don't get many breaks at work, I have no energy or motivation to just get things organized for myself like I truly need. I am very good at faking happiness and faking a smile so no one even knows I am going through this, only my partner whom is worried about me and can see that I've changed.

    I will be going to the doctors to get help I just am afraid to open up, as I'm not good at talking to strangers and opening up about myself. The worst thing is the feeling of being alone, and the constant pain, tears and feeling of weakness. It's not that I want to die. But I have no idea how long I can put up with life the way it is now...
  2. The Real David Charles
    The Real David Charles avatar
    1014 posts
    8 June 2013

    Dear Mid92,

    Your situation isn't sustainable.

    Missing out on the "highs of life", family, partner, sleep, eating, motivation, suffering pain and weakness is pretty much no different from a torture chamber in an Eastern Block country except for you it is real life.   But in the Western world we have sick leave, unions, holidays,etc.  Are all these denied to you ?

    Most of the time when you can't open up it's cos you don't have a relationship with your doctor or psychiatrist.    Even if you write down just 5 things to discuss or take a friend/partner you will be able to start the ball rolling.    You probably need to have some time out but at the same time you don't want to be lonely.

    The only thing I kept thinking whilst reading your post was "No one ever says, on their death bed, I wish I could have worked longer hours".  I hope there is a chance to develope a better mindset although with such punishing hours it would seem that tiredness will always be the victor.  Your sense of duty is amazing.

    Adios, David.

    PS  Sounds a bit like catering work.   I've worked as a musician and you're right the social life disappears.  Even if you get Thursday morning off, who else has that ?

  3. Jacaranda
    Jacaranda avatar
    2 posts
    8 June 2013 in reply to Mld92

    Hey have you been spying on me and written my story ;)

    This is my first time on this site. I came here looking for some help for a friend and read your story. I had to sign up and send you a reply!

    I understand where you are coming from with your work as I have been experiencing the same sort of thing. I come home from work exhausted and have no energy for a personal life. It gets you down for sure. I only stick with it because it pays well and I need the money to pay the bills.

    I am not a medical person so will not attempt to give advice about depression, but I do work with people looking for work and thought I would give you a few suggestions that I use.

    You don't say what sort of work you do or any indication about where you live; country town, city etc.

    Obviously you are checking online and in newspapers for work, but most jobs are never advertised and are found by talking to friends and neighbours etc to see if there are any jobs where they work. Another way is by talking to employers that you think you might like to work for and see if they have any vacancies. Try listing all the employers in your area and systematically contact them about work.

    If you don't have a good resume there will be state gov funded organizations in your area that can prepare you one at no charge and give advice about how to approach employers and handle job interviews etc.

    I hope this helps a bit and who knows...maybe a new job and less stress you will be your old self.

     

    One last thought. If you are nervous about talking to your doctor about how you are feeling, print off a copy of what you have written here and take it with you, because you have expressed yourself really well.

  4. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15548 posts
    9 June 2013 in reply to Mld92

    dear Mld, you can't carry on like this, it's wearing you down deeper.

    You probably don't have to say much to the doctor they will be able to see that something is wrong with you, which in one way will be good, because then he will offer you a sick leave certificate for a month or so.

    They are very astute as to how you feel, they have been doing it for a long time, and they will offer you to visit a psychologist which there are 10 free visits, please take this offer.

    I would start to list details of your unpaid work, having to work week-ends, on your feet for 8 hours and all the other problems associated with the job.

    It would appear as though you may have a case for discriminating against you or causing you to have this break down, so I would go and see a lawyer, no win no fee, and if by any means they sack you, then this just adds wood to the fire.

    Because you have posted a comment on this site, means that you feel you are heading towards a breakdown, and asking for help.

    If you can print your comment plus any replies back to you that would be even be better for the lawyer and maybe doctor and psychologist.

    If you decide to do all or any of this, you need as much documented information as possible, that is the more the better, and this includes while you are on sick leave, and if you decide to take action, then let your psychologist know, that way they will document the conversions.

    If your workplace hassles you on your sick leave, then let your lawyer put a stop to this, and please don't do it by yourself, because this will only make it worse for your condition. I really hope that this happens for you, and please let us know what is going on. Geoff.

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