Gday Tony

100k a yr that is a lot of k, lot of jobs too but it's understandable with mh issues . l had quite a few different jobs after leaving school and dropped out or lost a few apprenticeships too but always planned on working for myself and started my first business at 23. l've always refused to compete but rather do my own thing on my terms but the politics of working for a boss between workers and the competing to go up or impress to get somewhere and clocking on just never was for me.

lt must've been a rough yr at 57 how did you survive from there , disability p or ? Trouble is it's so hard to get now but it sounds like a gorgeous finish though in the end. Remarried , a bush block , house and all settled , my dream.

l can lighten my work up a lot and l've started doing that last yr and into this one now but at the same time my coping with even that lately now has slipped to even less and over taken the lighter load already and l don't see it coming back tbh.

rx

Well after all my crapping on about people l've met and admired , still working at all ages and looking so good for it.

Well , as we know it's one thing to admire people in life , in anything , but that doesn't mean we can do the same. As much as l've read about and admired some people l've met , in down times l just don't fell like l could be one of them , or even in up times actually bc up times are so fragile anyway , takes nothing to turn what few up times we can scrounge out of ourselves , to turn it all on it's head, a pin drop.

Well started the yr innot a good way but tried to lift spirits and forge on , last few wks though it's felt nearly impossible and today l went to see centerlink , again.

lt's amazing isn't it , the total look of nothingness or comprehension they give you. Blurt out their big lists of rules and paperwork and doctors and requirements they'd need , like a robot with souless eyes and emotion. l'm afraid it's even worse than it was yrs ago the last time l inquired and they've added some extra goodies in there , just to make sure if ur not quite there yet you sure as hell will be by the time they finish with you. l really don't know how people even go through it and what it takes .

Anyway , they ain't gonna be happening that's for sure.

rx

Thanks for the thoughts , appreciated.

Since my last post l've picked up a bit and even actually enjoying work this wk , and a lot of the other things l've been doing , so that's a nice change so l'm using the wave . l'd always have things to do working or not , but yeah l know now l'd rather be doing something or l'd find it even more depressing sitting round on centrelink and not having much money , and dealing with them. So for this yr at least , l'll soldier on , see what it brings, no choice anyway.

rx

I have just finished reading this thread and now feel better than I did this morning

(When I elected not to eat so as to avoid... I not sure what I'm avoiding most time)

Anyway I wanted to say that reading about how you have kept working through you're dark patches has helped me a lot I'm an aspiring writer at the moment in that I aspire to return to my writing

I have a whole story planed but after some an emotionaly charged scene I've had a lot of trouble returning to the work somehow my main characters problems seem larger then reality and I feel upset that I let bad things happen to her. But I defrntly fell flater since I bailed on the story.

Hi Zanthus .

Well glad something helped that's nice to know , l've been really pleased with the input too it's helped me a lot too.

Not sure if l tend to drop into this one when l;m on highs though or on lows too but l feel like l tend to tell only the goods though tbh so l hope that's not the case bc they're unfortunately few between. l haven't even finished one job yet this yr and have bled savings down to almost nothing so l have no choice now but to knuckle down and finish this first one asap, Not sure how that's gonna happen l'm afraid l'm slipping backwards lately butttt, l'll have to get it done no ifs or buts now. l've been experimenting cutting any hrs l do work down to even less than usual but that's not helping either , it seems the less l do the more trouble l have doing more. l'd normally have a few jobs done and gone by this time of yr.

l could well understand what your saying with the writing , l was a painter for a long time but actually got out of it for , well one reason was the emotional side of it that kind of took over . l would imagine with books and characters and the intensity needed that would be 10 fold . Wonder if it would help doing happy books haha. You know l use to think about certain artists that just painted all this happy carefree light hearted fun stuff , or cartoonists say , and that if l only painted stuff like that in those ways , then l'd have none of the heaviness l felt in the work l did.

Hope you can find your motivation again and thanks very much for the thoughts.

rx

God l just heard today retirement age in China is only 60. Bit of a surprise for a place like China.

Australia's is 67 and we're one of the longest working hour nations in the world , and one of the highest taxed. Although our hours are supposedly 38 pw , with our mortgages and cost of living the average family man works 55hrs. And now they wanna work us till we drop too to get even more money out of us.

The lucky country eh. rx

rx

l really don't know how to get the mojo back.

l know l'll get through this yr, bc l have to. But l've redesigned work with a new strategy this yr and so now l only need to do half what l did last yr , a quarter of other yrs earlier.l won't have quite as much income but l'll live with that.

The thing is though , even with the hrs l work now , this yr has gotten harder and harder. l know myself well and l know it isn't coming back , it's not just a faze or some off colour atm, it's real. It's tiredness , it's mentally exhausted and depression zapping energy , it's wanting to just stay in bed and not have to face the world or be forced anymore. l'm also bored with my job lately , not that l wanna be going into something else now l have zero interest in that either. l just want to stop.

My daughter come out with a funny thing the other wk , can't even remember what we were talking about , it wasn't this though. But she laughed at something and said yep you gotta use it or lose it. And of course l thought of all this bc that is true and l've often thought that exact saying this last yr or two . What lf l could just stay in bed and not do anymore , just not , then what .? you'd lose it right.l even tell my gf it's good for her to do things and she's a different person when she does do things it picks her right up and she has new energy and everything , new enthusiasm , zest .

At any rate , l've been thinking all yr and there might be a way l could stop working altogether next yr un l could get a pension which is a ways off yet , without having to go through centerlink bs.

So l'm thinking and plotting and looking into a few things involved , we see it is doable. lf not next yr def' by the next . So if worst comes to worst l'd maybe have to work next yr too but only part time and l think l'd be done after that.

rx

l think dropping my hrs this yr is backfiring,

Thing is this job is taking mths and mths longer. So l'm working over a much longer period , mths longer and dragging things out . Rather than doing longer hrs per day but finishing much sooner and then l can be off work again for awhile, l think l was better off doing things that way.

Cutting day hrs is just something l'm trying this yr so we'll just see how it pans out l suppose really. ln my situation and business there's been a lot of juggling, trialing and strategy changes last few yrs. First l went in with my mate as a partnership , worked longer made less so that was out . Then the crazy covid yr and among that the let down with not being able to finish or back right off work after all , that l'd been was expecting this yr and waiting on 4yrs. That one really hurt. Before all that my job and business had pretty well just been ticking over same most yrs in out for the 9 yrs earlier. But l was working much harder and not making as gooder money so hence some mixing it up and experimenting .

lf l must be working this newer way l've been trying is much much better for sure just needs some fine tuning . don't think l could go back to the longer hrs though , just can't find the mojo so shorter hrs is the only way l've been able to get into it at all butttt , we see.

lf l must work tbh l certainly couldn't complain compared to what normal people have to do 5days a wk all yr , but hopefully with some fine tuning l can get what l do have to do to a point that l can still tick over and cope with.

rx

I have not been able to work for 6 months and it has made my depression wayyyyyyy worse. When you work you have meaning and purpose in society, it can give you a sense of accomplishment and provide you with meaningful social connections. Try to keep working if you can because the grass is not greener unfortunately

Thanks for that Rah nice to hear, in the obvious way from my front l mean but l'm sorry you've been off and feeling worse . Off from Covid or ? Been really surprised how much you do hear people missing work and this and that from working since covid. lt does give us many things for sure , admittedly sometimes l love or really enjoy some of the things , situations or even the people that pop up in my job.

l must admit , l usually have a fair bit of time off after l finish a job and in the end l actually start looking forward to starting the next one and wanna get out there again, not sure how much longer l'm gonna be feeling that way though lately.A lot has changed this yr almost like over night and l really have to push myself lately.

l hope you can get back to it soon anyway and sorry to hear of the sitch and it not agreeing with you. Hope your getting by ok.

rx

Well it's taken 3mths but l'm finally getting back to some satisfaction with work again for now.

The job l'm doing is nearing the end and l must admit. lt might've taken double time but l'm very pleased with myself in the way that it's come up and it really is satisfying.

So at least that's something. lf l must work for now then it is nice to at least get some satisfaction from it.

rx

Hi RX,

That’s great to hear! Do you find you have the same momentum from start to finish? Or is the start of the job more difficult to get into than say, when it’s nearly complete?

I’ve been in my new job for 3 months now. I didn’t think I would last a week - it was so scary at first!

But with practice things are much better now and I’ve enjoyed the company of workmates as well.

And since my personal life situation has gone to poop, I’m glad when I can go to work and forget about it for a while.

Hey Rah - oh I hear you - I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you. I spent a few years out of the workforce and found it a struggle especially with mental health. Even though I’m an introvert, I’ve realised that I need to be around other people to have those shared goals and that focus. Hope your situation improves and you have that again soon.

Hi lilly

Great to hear about your new job coming good , nice going . l hoped things would turn once you settled in , really nice to hear. l can well understand the work mates and it helping you in those ways too and just well , it's great when you enjoy it and the people too or at least some of them .

Ha , l'll join the club too my personal life's down the tube right now as well as been stressful too and l've had major daughter problems n stress to boot , may as well go the whole hog eh. But l must admit still working atm has been a huge help in those ways and takes me away .

Pretty well no momentum at all this yr tbh. Starting a job l'm usually keen and rev up about half way through but this yr's just been a push right through to get anything done actually. What l really enjoy is getting out there grabbing a chair , coffee , messaging people and studying the job a lot haha, l've been really excelling at thinking about it .

rx

I actually had an awkward moment at work on Friday. I tried to sneak out of the office without anyone noticing I was teary but someone noticed. They were nice about it. I’ve never had that happen before and it was so embarrassing!

Wish I could just maintain the illusion that I’m a super cool cucumber that can handle anything. But my cover has been blown I think.

I hope tomorrow it will be just work as usual.

Funny.

Just saw a Charlie Watts interview , the Rolling Stones drummer.

He's bloody eighty , wow, Mick and Richards are 77 , Bill Wyman is wait for it, 84, and they're still touring. Said he's been with the Stones 60yrs he was 20 when he joined. She asked him why do they still play , why does he still do it. He reckons what else am l gonna do, sit around and think about cancer or something else getting me.

Quite funny really and here l am with another story. Anyone would think l'm trying to talk myself into working forever but nope , that ain't gonna happen.

rx

Gosh How do those guys do it!

I like to think when I’m their age I’ll be happy to potter around the garden all day.

Same.

l've never even owned one Stones record although l've always liked them just not really my thing , but still , you can't help but admire them.

Funny isn't it though , when we're young we wanna be rock stars or singers , guitarists or something. But over time l look at band or singers that were around when l was a kid, and they're still doing it, or turned into nobodies again and back to playing in bars or no ones even listens or knows them for the last 20yrs now or something.Or still trying to look like a rock star. Or someone interviews them and always ask so what do you do these days and they always say oh l'm writing new songs or music all the time- but no one listens to them anymore so what a sad way to end up. So the Stones have done alright for sure .

But as you get older you see all these people going through all that or even if they are still getting a crowd you realize they must've sung each song 1000s of times and for 30yrs, 50 yrs , whatever and still singing those songs . That'd be a fate worse than any job in the end , for me anyway.

So l'm glad in the end l wasn't a muso haha.

Hey RX,

It’s been a while and I thought I’d ask how you’re doing with your work situation lately?

Some days I really enjoy my job, other days I still get worried and I have to push through the anxiety.

Hope you’re doing ok.

LL

Hi LL , yeah been awhile.

Glad your still at it, sounds good considering how you felt back earlier with it , nice going eh.

Me , been a weird yr work wise . Going into a new strategy this yr , from 7 or 8 job last yr from memory give or take , maybe 12 the yr before , down to only 2 of this yr now l just decided last few wks, was gonna do 3.But better paying jobs, so less work.

Anyway just finished the first , sat on backside way too much earlier haha, should've been done mths ago. And now just starting the second. l was really looking forward to the second job so there ya go bit of life yet and l'm really enjoying it so far.

Next yr if this yr works out, l wanna tone back even more , and stick to only 2 jobs but up a notch again to better quality jobs so with less labour , we see .

At any rate , still plodding along for now haha.

Thanks for dropping in.

Had some great news through the wk work n house wise with the issue from late last yr not working out and so me needing to keep working for who knows how long yet.

lt's looking better now and those things might work out a lot lot sooner now, maybe even by the end of the yr to early next yr. l wouldn't be loaded by any means but l don't need much and if it works out l could get by with just doing a little bit on the side now and then to bring in some extra money here and there, and be pretty right.

l've hardly done anything this yr so far work wise just haven't been able to find the mojo. So things have been really tight but although l can't count any chickens yet , pretty hard not getting exited about this new development so for now we see l suppose but it's looking much much better..

rx

Hi RX,

That’s so great to hear you’ve had some good news! Hope it helps ease your mind when thinking about what you want to do with work.

It sounds like a good set up to be able to increase or reduce your workload according to what you need.

Great to hear, RX!

LL

Hiya LL and thanks.

Yeah look tbh , l lit up like a Christmas tree after the call, which l'd been putting of for 4mths bc l just couldn't face another let down butttttt, l got a very very nice surprise. Ha, for once.

Yeah tbh , in many ways it's a dream job actually. l can chop and change or modify all of it, what l earn , hrs , days or mths l wanna work, any which way really, type of jobs l take on, pretty well the whole lot really. l use to have to work much harder but l'm getting clever haha.

Hope yours is going well.

rx

l've finally started the second job for the yr .

Normally l'd had done 4 or 5 by now . But l am really enjoying this second job , but at the same time l can feel it within myself that it's not something l'll be able to keep feeling and doing , l just got lucky with this particular one that it just so happens to be a really interesting job and the sort l'd normally enjoy so that's just tying me over for now. The thought of next yr though , or the yr after or after , makes me sick and l know l won't be able to keep it going. l'm also dealing with the business end of the last one l just finished now too , and l'm really struggling with that stuff just had enough of it.

Good news is that good news l had earlier might even make it possible to not have to even bother with next yr now as things are looking. That's by no means certain yet though but if not then l know now l'll have to come up with another idea.

rx

A most stressful morning and things l just can't cope with lately , hence this whole thread really.

But , it's been the business end of getting the first job of the yr out this last 6wks. 6 wks and all different to normally this time bc of lockdowns. This customer was very very picky and finicky , they're the worst possible kind. What a morning, and on a Saturday no less, l tried to keep the stressy areas for wkdays normally , need wkends calm.

But bc of lock downs he'd put a 4k deposit of the job 6wks ago but couldn't pick it up until this morning. Well , this one being the first job out for the yr where as there's normally be at least a few out by now, l've been behind in bills. So l've blown most of the 4k waiting , paining them down which means if he's not happy when he finally does turn up l'm obligated to give him and agree amount back- all spent.

He turns up picky and scanning everything , on the phone, sending pictures to someone, even had his Ipad out for something no idea what , going over every mm of this 10mtr job , top bottom underneath inside outside electrics every possible thing and then some. Most people just take a quick look , orrr yeah , next minute they're transferring payment and gone in 15. Over 2hrs he was here , l'd already resigned to the idea and planning that he wasn't happy and wouldn't take it.

Anyway , low and behold, after all that , the job somehow, somehow , passed his bs, and finally we were in doing the paperwork and payments. My God , what a relief.

Couldn't take another one of those.

rx

l wish l could just stop the active and must do sides of life right here, l just wish. So many things to do , l hate it and it's so hard mentally. l've always had lots of things and projects too going on and l love all the sorts of things l'm talking about. But l've realized lately l'm still committing myself to things , that l've been doing all my life and enjoyed once had the energy and interest and time for or l'd make it , and l'd do them , so many things have l done.

But this last yr or two , suddenly l'm not enjoying them anymore , nor have the energy and interest anymore , yet still in some kind of dreamland, l've gone and set myself up for them , and now, they have to be done.The yr even though work wise l've sat on my lorals , has still been huge , and my daughters still living with me, l'm drained, yet l'm still committing myself to these things and l'm pretty well time and energy wise booked out solid rest of the yr , l dunno how l'm gonna do them all , or why. Plus work.

lt always seems to be when they're done , that's been going last few yrs , but then there's more come along , and more , and when they're done, again !!!!!!

This time , when they're done though , that is def' gonna be it . End of the yr , and l will commit myself to no more.

rx

Hi randomx,

You sound like you have A LOT on. I think you are already across this... but have you ever looked at some resources on perfectionism? I was one of those people who just kept doing and doing and doing.... and it's only when I ended up in hospital did I think "why am I doing all these things?" and "do these even make me happy?". And it turned out the answer was no.

I've now been off work and committees and all those things for the last 9 months and have gone on centrelink. It's been really hard, but I'm working through a lot of what is driving this need to "do" and the "I should" do this.

What I've found really helpful is the workbook on Perfectionism on the Centre for Clinical Interventions website (link here https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism). It has made me start to realise the unhealthy drivers that fuel my need to "do".

There is also a really good book that I found - Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression by Margaret Robinson Rutherford. I'm not going to lie, it's a really hard and uncomfortable read. But it might help you on your journey of saying no, and allowing you to start focussing on your needs.

Sending you my best,

G x

Hi G , and thanks for the thoughts .

Why did you end up in hospital , was it all putting you under stress , were you putting yourself under stress with your ways, or related to other things and health ? No need to answer or go into the gruesomes if you'd rather not .

And also what exactly has been hard about stopping , Centerlink things , health, just a bundle of all , no purpose now, other things , or ? l think l could stop quite happily and just enjoy existing from here , for the first time in my life. But in a way , that question , does it make you happy , is soooooo obvious isn;t it , but yet often one question we don't ask ourselves , yet most important of all.

But yeah l do have a lotttta stuff on , half of l've just created myself but nah , my thing is nothing to do with perfectionism , it's a few other things, a combo. My whole life though for a start, l've loved using my hands, since l was 1 or two. Dad gave me my first tool box when l was 3 or 4, l was always making stuff. l'd build or do crazy things and took on things no one does themselves , they'd buy it, but l just couldn't resist giving it a go, it was one more thing to get my teeth into.

Well, l'm still doing it. Only last wkend l drove 3hrs ea way bought something l want to turn into something. Most people would never do it with this, they'd just but the right one. But l liked a combo so if l bought this one that had things of what l wanted, l'd work the rest and build it into what l want. l've a nasty habit of doing this crap all my life. To find it and just buy it , would give me sooooo much extra time and save soooo many headaches but no , l take the hard road, just bc for some very weird reason, l get some kind out of doing it myself.lt's a curse haha.

So l end up with crazy things l'm building or or converting often 3 or 4 of them going at once. Well l have a business too, renovating this house to sell, haven't been feeling too good and big personal things going on too, so wth take on more, and crazy things that l could just go buy. Just to put it simply.

They use to give me to answer your own question , some kind of happiness doing them, and def' a kick out of it. But these days after a lifetime of putting myself in for this rubbish, it's time l finish what l have and stop it. So that's the plan. Wish l could from this very day actually , right now , as we speak .

rx.