Hi G , and thanks for the thoughts .
Why did you end up in hospital , was it all putting you under stress , were you putting yourself under stress with your ways, or related to other things and health ? No need to answer or go into the gruesomes if you'd rather not .
And also what exactly has been hard about stopping , Centerlink things , health, just a bundle of all , no purpose now, other things , or ? l think l could stop quite happily and just enjoy existing from here , for the first time in my life. But in a way , that question , does it make you happy , is soooooo obvious isn;t it , but yet often one question we don't ask ourselves , yet most important of all.
But yeah l do have a lotttta stuff on , half of l've just created myself but nah , my thing is nothing to do with perfectionism , it's a few other things, a combo. My whole life though for a start, l've loved using my hands, since l was 1 or two. Dad gave me my first tool box when l was 3 or 4, l was always making stuff. l'd build or do crazy things and took on things no one does themselves , they'd buy it, but l just couldn't resist giving it a go, it was one more thing to get my teeth into.
Well, l'm still doing it. Only last wkend l drove 3hrs ea way bought something l want to turn into something. Most people would never do it with this, they'd just but the right one. But l liked a combo so if l bought this one that had things of what l wanted, l'd work the rest and build it into what l want. l've a nasty habit of doing this crap all my life. To find it and just buy it , would give me sooooo much extra time and save soooo many headaches but no , l take the hard road, just bc for some very weird reason, l get some kind out of doing it myself.lt's a curse haha.
So l end up with crazy things l'm building or or converting often 3 or 4 of them going at once. Well l have a business too, renovating this house to sell, haven't been feeling too good and big personal things going on too, so wth take on more, and crazy things that l could just go buy. Just to put it simply.
They use to give me to answer your own question , some kind of happiness doing them, and def' a kick out of it. But these days after a lifetime of putting myself in for this rubbish, it's time l finish what l have and stop it. So that's the plan. Wish l could from this very day actually , right now , as we speak .