I could have written most of what you have, but situation a bit different.
The boss would verbally shred me in front of the other workers, and that was bad enough. But....(there is usually a "but"..) the boss was not only my business partner, but also hubby, so I really had no escape, as he'd verbally attack me in front of the children as well.
So, when the employees are treated with more respect than the wife (delete "more", there never was any) and it carries into the home (make that 'house' ) one tends to feel like the live-in nanny/housekeeper/secretary ...and bed warmer. Incredible how one can be surrounded by people and feel so lonely.
I understand the fear of coming on here, but the anonymity gives you safety, I mean, even waiting in the counsellors waiting room, I used to fear being recognised. After all, a business owner/parent never needs help, everyone knows that. What a failure I must be.
When you feel able, do open up to a counsellor (may take a few before you find someone you work okay with) and talk with your counsellor about your hubby if you are not sure how to talk with him about this. It may be suggested he come along with you to some sessions.
All the best. Hugs