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Forums / Grief and loss / 2 years on and still a mess

Topic: 2 years on and still a mess

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Biddy3
    Biddy3 avatar
    1 posts
    30 November 2019
    Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not a week goes by I don’t breakdown crying.
    I have 2 young girls the youngest was 3 months old when she passed. I’ve really struggled with my kids since she’s gone my mother gave us so much help and now that’s it’s gone I don’t know what to do she was our only help we don’t have much other support. I want to be a good mother but find it hard when I feel depressed alot.
    since she has been gone we have had family rifts I don’t speak to my brothers anymore and I have now lost some close friends. I feel at times I have no one left me and my husband barely talk anymore he was helpful in the beginning but now I feel my cry’s for help just go unnoticed. Feels like everyone thinks I should be over it by now but life is just getting worse not better. I know I need to seek some help but find it hard to ask I’ve always just managed on my own.
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    6834 posts
    30 November 2019 in reply to Biddy3

    Hi Buddy, welcome

    I’m very sorry for your loss and estrangement from your brothers.

    Everyone grieves differently be it in time or intensity. Others find it hard to endure that and move on quicker. Yes you need assistance starting with your GP. Have a hat and be proactive

    Things you can do in the meantime-

    writing or poetry about your mum eg

    BIDDYS MUM

    I loved her as much as my own breath

    such an untimely death

    my kids in life at the start

    have a big piece of her enormous heart

    I’ll teach them how to care for others

    and be like my mum the best of mothers

    no wonder she used a broom to sweep

    to hide her footstep stencilled feet..

    I’ll find the strength to carry on

    little tackers to ponder in

    To be as good as my mum was to me

    My kids will grow to love for eternity

    distraction

    hobbies

    group therapy

    respite

    go on picnics

    camping (change of environment)

    by all means repost

    TonyWK

  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    2217 posts
    9 December 2019 in reply to Biddy3

    Hi Biddy3,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Not only did she die which is terrible on it's own, but you had no notice whatsoever - that must have been so hard to go through.

    There's not a lot of things that I hate, but one thing I do hate is "get over it". How can we possibly 'get over' the loss of someone that we love so dearly? Grief is so hard on its own, let alone any pressure to 'grieve quickly' or 'get back to normal' (whatever that is!).

    While I see that you've managed so much on your own, it's okay to get some help too. There is no shame in having someone there or talking to a therapist about it. Even having someone just to talk to can be so helpful - or having someone be able to see and validate all of those cries for help. It's so hard, but so worth it to talk to someone.

    rt

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