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Forums / Grief and loss / Anger and sadness since virus got my mother

Topic: Anger and sadness since virus got my mother

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. joyous
    joyous avatar
    2 posts
    26 April 2020
    My amazing Mum was in good health, no pain, paying $5000/month for [we thought] top-notch care and to be kept safe. Well, management dropped the ball, kicked it across town to another agency, who also dropped the ball, passed the buck - not telling us anything or bullshitting us. For those $$ you'd think you'd get the best care and decent food. Not so. I honestly think she would've been safer next door in the hotel for $125/night max and still have $50/day for food; towels and bedding changed daily, bathroom cleaned daily. Instead, Mum was getting meals brought up on a tray and left at her door. The management kept slipping long and convoluted letters under the doors of ALL residents many - like Mum - with impaired vision, memory loss and cognitive difficulties. The morning they found Mum in a bad state - paramedics were called and they didn't take the envelope with all her instructions, phone numbers, etc. One person said they weren't allowed to touch or take anything; another said they hadn't heard of that rule. Then they said probable UTI (probable more BS), possible RSV and possible Covid19. She had a cough and no fever and they put her on oxygen and ran tests including Covid19 which, they say, came back negative. They then moved her either to or from the acute ward to Covid19 ward and she was now a bit more alert, not eating much, still on oxygen but with "gurgly" lungs. But, remember, they said negative to Covid19 yet they were going to do more tests. Didn't happen. Next thing, she is "gone". They say some kind of pneumonia likely one of the manifestations of Covid19. Mum didn't deserve to die like that. Criminal negligence! More lies about cause of death so they don't panic or scare the other residents, presumably, and protect their precious reputation. If this is a first-rate aged care home (in Canada) I shudder to think what the budget places are like. And - the icing on the bullshit mound - today I get an update email from the GM of the home (who knew Mum had died as she phoned my sister today to offer her condolences) - one of the "Happy Families/Aren't We All Wonderful" updates about how there are NO problems, they have lots to CELEBRATE and happy-everyone photos and stories but no mention of my mother. Nothing. Not even a lie that she had died of pneumonia not Covid19 related. This is why I don't trust anyone and I am devastated. Like in all wars, truth is the first casualty. Insensitivity is the next.
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6133 posts
    26 April 2020 in reply to joyous
    Hi joyous,

    Welcome to our forum community, it's great that you decided to join us here. We're so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and the conditions under which this happened. We can understand that this would leave you feeling devastated. We hope that you have plenty of support to help you through this grief, and please know that our community is here for you as well.

    If you are currently in Australia and you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. 

    Another service we can recommend is GriefLine. You can reach their grief helpline on 1300 845 745 midday-3am AEST or

    Many of our members have also experienced grief and loss and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this difficult period.
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Deckt
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Deckt avatar
    195 posts
    26 April 2020 in reply to joyous

    Hi joyous,

    I'm so sorry to read of your loss. Your mum sounds like an amazing woman, and didn't deserve that. Please make sure that you are taking care of yourself right now as much as possible. I know it might be hard, but it's a good tribute to your mum to do so.

    Hugs, Deckt

    1 person found this helpful
  4. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11264 posts
    26 April 2020 in reply to joyous

    Hello Joyous

    I would like to echo Sophie_M and Deckt's heartfelt condolences on the tragic passing of your mum....Im very sorry Joyous for your the loss of your wonderful mum

    Bear Hugs (if thats okay), Paul

    we are here if you need to talk or type and please (when you are up to it..) call Griefline as Sophie_M posted on 1300 845 745 Midday to 3am AEST

    1 person found this helpful

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