Hi Elizabeth. When dealing with the grief of a lost loved one it is a very real & tangible thing & people can understand & respond very well. You're in a situation of grieving also, but for something less tangible but equally as distressing - a lost lifestyle. People are lost / confused & dont know how to react or help you through this confusing situation. You have had many changes recently, including giving up work to become a 24/7 carer. The ability to do things you both used to love - walking, camping, trekking, holidays away, driving - all recently lost to you.
I dont believe I've asked you this before Elizabeth - how is your husband coping mentally with all this? Does he receive any help from a mental health professional? Of course he is having to deal equally (or more) with this massive change of lifestyle, as well as a total loss of independence. From all I know of you both, he had been a very fit, active and independent man prior to all these recent health problems.
I may seem to be getting off topic here, but I do believe it is relevant. I was wondering if it would be feasible or helpful for the pair of you to have some form of joint counselling? A counsellor may have some ideas of activities that you may still be able to do together. And it could help both of you understand better what the other is going through. You may both find it beneficial to each talk to somebody about all this.
Another idea I had was the possibility of your husband being eligible for a guide/assistance dog. I know he is physically very ill, but there are times that he'd be able to benefit from getting out and about and doing the odd walk, something from the 'old days' to brighten him up a bit, and in the process you also. A guide dog would mean that you'd be able to relax a bit by not having to watch out for every little obstacle that may come along. I think there is a wait list to get these valuable dogs, and a training period for man and dog, but it could be a real blessing for both of you if it was a possibility. And even just in and around the house they can be a huge help to someone like your husband. It could be worth making some enquiries?
Please take your psych's advice & ENSURE you get away a few days each month. Being a full time carer is no easy task and you need to take better care of yourself. You have a responsibility to yourself and hubby to do this.
Sorry I cant help more, but its your usual "unsolvable" dilema.