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Forums / Grief and loss / I lost my mum and dad to suicide and I don't know how to feel

Topic: I lost my mum and dad to suicide and I don't know how to feel

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Button69
    Button69 avatar
    1 posts
    5 June 2016
    I lost my mum and dad to suicide and i dont know how to feel. I loved them very much but im trying to forget there memories because i feel so much guilt and pain when i think of them. I feel like im slowly heading down the road they took. I want help please
    1 person found this helpful
  2. JessF
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    6 June 2016 in reply to Button69
    Hello Button69, I am so sorry for your loss and how you are feeling at the moment. Grief can be so overwhelming. Would you like to tell us a little more about how you are feeling and what's going on for you at the moment? Do you have friends and other family members around who you are talking to?
  3. pipsy
    pipsy avatar
    2255 posts
    6 June 2016 in reply to Button69

    Hi Button. I'm so very sorry for your tragic loss. Both parents, it must have been devastating for you. The pain they were in, you are now experiencing is likely similar to how they were feeling. When we lose someone we love the grief is often so overpowering it can't be described. As Jess asked, is there anyone close you can talk to about this? Even a neighbour who knew your parents and the circumstances surrounding the pain they were in? Instead of forgetting them (you loved them, why forget them). Try to focus on the good times you must have shared. Were they always sad? Have you tried reaching out to a grief counsellor, or perhaps lifeline, kids helpline? I'm unsure of your age which is why I suggested kids helpline. Maybe you could try writing to them, telling them how much you love and miss them. Tell them also you forgive them for ending, it's important for you at this time to not feel guilty for their choice. The guilt and pain and possibly a bit of anger you're experiencing is part of grief. Asking yourself, 'why', is not a good idea at this time, understandable, but counter-productive, as you will never know. Whenever someone suicides, no-one ever knows what was in their minds. All we ever really believe is, to the person, that was their only choice.

    Again -my sincere condolences at this time.

    We're available for you 24/7, as are our counsellors. Our phone number is listed at the top of the page. Please call us, or the other helplines for further help.

    Lynda.

  4. Nonny
    Nonny avatar
    28 posts
    6 June 2016 in reply to Button69

    Dear Button,

    I'm so sorry that this happened to you, it's a truly awful experience. But your parent actions are not your fault or responsibility. Others before me have written wise counsel for you.

    Please love yourself a lot right now you deserve it. You will feel better, you just have to do one day at a time and gather all the support you can around you, talk like you have never talked before, accept any help offered tell everyone how you feel, get it out. Please take great care of yourself.

  5. Kazzl
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Kazzl avatar
    1873 posts
    7 June 2016 in reply to Button69

    Hello Button, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine how devastating it must be. But I do know that keeping grief locked up inside just eats away at us, especially if we're feeling guilt as well. As Nonny said you are in no way responsible for your parents' deaths - no one is ever responsible for another person's decision to end their life - but I understand that that is hard to take in and accept when you're grieving.

    I also understand the pull of wanting to follow them. I felt like that for a while after I lost my mum. But that's not the way Button, you're here, you are a precious person with a life to live - love, happiness and a world of possibilities to experience yet. This can and will pass with time and with care and support.

    I feel you need to talk this through Button. Grief can't and shouldn't be borne alone. I hope you can come back to us and talk some more. I can't tell from your post if this has just happened, in which case you must be very shocked, or if you are struggling with memories from the past. Nor can I tell your age. Would you like to share a bit more?

    Button, I want you to know we are here for you any time. And, it might help to talk to one of our counsellors on the helpline - 1300 22 4636. As the others have said, I sincerely hope you have someone in your life who is supporting you too, a friend or other family members - maybe a psychologist?

    Please don't bear this alone.

    Kaz

    xxx

  6. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11264 posts
    7 June 2016 in reply to Button69

    Hello Button69

    Your tragic loss leaves me with few words Button. My deepest and most heartfelt thoughts go out to you...

    I do hope you can call the support line on 1300 22 4636

    Nonny said...."talk like you have never talked before, accept any help offered tell everyone how you feel, get it out"

    We are here for you

    Paulxx

  7. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15548 posts
    9 June 2016 in reply to Button69
    hello Button, my sincere thoughts for peace and courage to help you through this very sad time. L Geoff. x
  8. Guest_D88AE553
    Guest_D88AE553 avatar
    1 posts
    29 June 2016 in reply to Button69

    Hi Button

    Dont ever feel your mum and dad didn't love you for doing what they did. They maybe just never knew how to get help. We are blessed now to have beyond blue to help us through our down times Stay strong never give up. But more then anything Al way know your parents loved you and never meant to hurt you this way x

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