Hello Button, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine how devastating it must be. But I do know that keeping grief locked up inside just eats away at us, especially if we're feeling guilt as well. As Nonny said you are in no way responsible for your parents' deaths - no one is ever responsible for another person's decision to end their life - but I understand that that is hard to take in and accept when you're grieving.
I also understand the pull of wanting to follow them. I felt like that for a while after I lost my mum. But that's not the way Button, you're here, you are a precious person with a life to live - love, happiness and a world of possibilities to experience yet. This can and will pass with time and with care and support.
I feel you need to talk this through Button. Grief can't and shouldn't be borne alone. I hope you can come back to us and talk some more. I can't tell from your post if this has just happened, in which case you must be very shocked, or if you are struggling with memories from the past. Nor can I tell your age. Would you like to share a bit more?
Button, I want you to know we are here for you any time. And, it might help to talk to one of our counsellors on the helpline - 1300 22 4636. As the others have said, I sincerely hope you have someone in your life who is supporting you too, a friend or other family members - maybe a psychologist?
Please don't bear this alone.