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Forums / Grief and loss / In denial

Topic: In denial

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Gloria66
    Gloria66 avatar
    1 posts
    8 September 2020
    My mum died on the 23rd May this year. I was caring for her. To cope with not having her around I am imaging she is but I just can’t see her. I avoid all places and people so I can keep it real. My anxiety is up through the roof. Mum would have been 85 in October and we would have had a big family party for her. I’ve withdrawn from some siblings. I’ve organised mum and dads plague for their grave (dad died May 2009) one of my siblings doesn’t like it at all and has a different interpretation of the design. I was told it didn’t give mum the respect she deserved and that she regretted marrying my dad. This is heartbreaking. They weren’t the perfect couple and they did have some whooping arguments we all witnessed as children but there were good time’s as well.
  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    13070 posts
    8 September 2020 in reply to Gloria66

    Gloria

    i am sorry for your loss. It is only recent that you are not only coping with your mum dying but now you have to live without both parents.

    when my dad died over a decade ago I coped by writing him letters on my computer telling him how I was feeling. I think keeping loved ones in our lives even though we know they are know longer with us can help.

    Thinking about the things your mum said or did keeps her memory alive.

    i think it is hard with your siblings as you are grieving too. Would it be possible to come to a compromise with the plaque ?
    we all grieve in different ways and recall things differently.

    Feel free to post here as much as you like.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Wishes
    Wishes avatar
    30 posts
    8 September 2020 in reply to Gloria66
    Hey Gloria,

    Thank you for sharing, my condolences to you, that is so hard.

    As @quirkywords said above, would it be worth trying to find a compromise on the plaque that still includes the spirit of what you want to write? By the sounds of the way you cared and loved your mum, your message and memory of her is more than just that plaque, and you will always know what you shared with your mum.

    My partner lost his mum just last year, and I really admire you being as open as you are. Something that helped him was reflecting on what would have been at Mother's Day and her birthday, and planning a commemoration on those dates in smaller ways. Can you celebrate that 'big family party' on your own, in your own special way? Or organise something smaller online? Seeing my partner, it was hard and kicked up a lot of tough emotions, but they were really worthwhile times.

    Thinking of you, you are a strong individual who has so much to give. You've got this!

    Best,
    Wishes

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