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Forums / Grief and loss / keep losing friends to suicide

Topic: keep losing friends to suicide

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Helpmepleaseee
    Helpmepleaseee avatar
    3 posts
    25 July 2016

    Ive just lost another close friend of mine and my partners to suicide. A week away from itbeing 1 yearsince another close friends suicide. This is the 6th person i know over a few years to have committed suicide.

    I have two young children and I feel like I can never grieve properly because I dont want to cry infront of them. Does anyone have advice for me? What am i supposed to say to my toddler when we go to his funeral. He is two years old. Why does this keep happening? All males too?

    How can i help my partner get through this? this is another one of his best friends. :(

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9362 posts
    26 July 2016 in reply to Helpmepleaseee

    Hi help me , welcome

    I've lost my brother and uncle the same way. I've also planned my own demise in 1996.

    Thankfully thinking of my daughters then 7 and 4 yo saved the day.

    And therein lies one secret for surviving suicide...living for the sake if others....until you heal and return to living for yourself again.

    Next year l will walk my daughter down the aisle. No one better to do that but me.

    There is a great organisation called "dads in distress" that I follow. They highlight that more males suicide than the national road toll.

    Its hard to know what the answer is. If your partner has any such tendencies quietly remind him of your children, give him/her comfort by showing him how valuable he is.

    Dads have become less significant over the years in some peoples eyes sadly. This trend is beginning to reverse.

    I loved my brother and uncle but I don't any longer endorse what they did. I'll fight like hell not to fall into such a state again.

    Hope that helps

    Tony WK

  3. Carmela
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    Carmela avatar
    183 posts
    26 July 2016 in reply to Helpmepleaseee

    Hi, I was touched by your post and felt l needed to reply.

    I have not lost a friend to suicide, but in supporting my husband who lost his brother tragically in a motor bike accident and father several years later, l gave my hubby lots of hugs - we connected deeply and often. I told him l loved him and our son did as well. We smothered him with love daily and made sure he knew he was important, loved and respected as a husband and a dad.

    Like you, I was lost on what to do. My husband did suffer from depression after these tragic losses, but we all were a team and worked together through the grief. Some days were harder than others but loved helped us along. We never gave up on him or each other. Believe in your heart for a positive future and give affection freely and often.

    Sending you to love.

    Carmela

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Starwolf
    Champion Alumni
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    Starwolf avatar
    2521 posts
    26 July 2016 in reply to Helpmepleaseee

    Hi Helpmeplease,

    Welcome and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

    Grief is devastating and cannot be fast forwarded. It must be given time and space. It is essential for you to take time out to grieve. Perhaps take turns with your partner or another family member to look after your children a while.

    What you say to your children depends mostly on personal beliefs, their age and what they will understand. Death can be explained as having to move on from one world to another or the complete annihilation of life. It depends on whether you have spiritual inclinations or not. There's no way a toddler can understand suicide...many adults don't.

    I suggest you visit the Grief and Loss section of the forums. We all grieve differently, there's no right or wrong way to do it. It is very much an individual matter. Finding out how other people cope and what has been helpful during this process may resonate with your own thoughts and feelings. I hope you can find support and comfort in this.

    I wish I could offer more than condolences but my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope your loved ones have found the peace that eluded them in this world.

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