Really sorry about the loss of your dad KT.....I havent been through that yet....

I have lost my big brother years ago and I do understand what you are going through....

* If you didnt have these feelings right now.....then you would have a serious problem...really

* You will feel 'normal' again....you are grieving.....please be gentle to Yourself...

* Your new partner sounds very supportive...Now thats a Bonus!

* I have been involved in dog rescue for many years KT...if you want to, tell me about your dog! They are wonderful to have around....there is something about the 'Unconditional Love' they always keep giving :-)

Kind thoughts for you (with respect for your dad)

Paul

Hi there kt

I too would like to express my condolences to you with the sad loss of your Dad.  Those weeks and months sure do pass by quickly in the early stages and now before you know it, a year has come by.  I’ve lost both of my parents and it really hurts.

You’ve received some really wonderful responses here already and I hope that by reading them it has helped you – even if just a little.

It was great that you were able to come here and post – even by just posting here, it can have beneficial effects, just by getting things out and not have them bottled up;  it can be kind of a therapeutic effect.

I do hope your partner is supportive and if so, they can be a really helpful person to lean on, a shoulder to cry on or simply just for them to be able to listen to you as well.

Is it possible for you to arrange some time off work – so you can work through this particular time and not have be worried by the additional stress that work is causing for you?  If not, is it possible that you could request a little assistance, again at this particular time, so you can get those tasks done?

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

Hi, your post spoke to me. I lost my dad last year and tomorrow is his birthday and I'm not coping. It's a bunch of firsts for me, his first birthday not here, first aniversary of his death next week. I just felt a little comforted knowing I wasn't alone in wanting to shit myself off completely. You aren't alone either.

Hi everyone,

Thank you all your replies :). I'm in a way better headspace now. I found a new job, left my partner and am now happy with life. I started running in April this year and joined a running club. I then trained for the melbourne half marathon in honour of my father. I advocated for mental health and shared my story online and with many people and in the local newspapers. I decided to raise money for beyond blue. I posted my runs, healthy eating and self help tips. I changed my diet and became mentally and physically healthier. My mum, step dad, friends and family supported me along the way. I felt the love and support. I stayed motivated and set a target on $700 to raise. I finished my fundraiser in November with a generous amount of support with a total of $3,617.22. I was blown away with the generous support from a small country town of amazing people. I am still advocating today and people are still confining in me and sharing their stories and opening up. Also I havnt been a runner before so completing a 1/2 marathon was a huge thing for me. I knew my dad was there cheering me on to cross the finish line. I saw my mum and step dad and I held back the tears until I hugged them at the end and balled my eyes out. Such an amazing feeling, achievement and way to advocate for mental health and help myself through the loss of my dad from many health conditions.

My next goal is to compete in the local Tri Athlon :). I'm training now.

I have many self help skills and advice if anyone would like. I'm also doing my first mental health speech with young teenagers to share my personal life story and self help tips around suicide, depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions. I am also a suicide survivor, have struggled with depression and anxiety for most my life. With regular counseling, exercise, healthy eating and support from family and friends I have managed to become more positive. I still do have my off days too and losing my dad made me realise how short life is and to keep going and support others out there who are struggling too.

feel free to follow me on Instagram: little00001.

thank you again.

Hi Geoff,

i use to be close to my dad when I was little but we grew apart with hurt like hell around the age of 7. He was a severe alcoholic after his back injury at work and also used illegal drugs. Through all this dad developed bipolar, schizophrenia and brain damage and was in homes for years. It was a very tough up bringing and I had to grow up and take care of my dad along with my mums support. It got extremely hard and I had to admit my dad into a psychiatric home. My brother also along with dad using illegal drugs together. I got my dog later on in life which helped me, dad loved her too. Dad started to settle down the last two years of his life with no episodes. Dad died from emphysema being a very heavy smoker was an awful thing to see him struggle for two days but me and my brother stayed by his side until he passed. I feel very blessed to have helped him through. My partner was only a short term relationship and not the guy for me. I have many ways I feel at peace with dad and every year my brother and I release a lily in the river for dad. I now talk to dad wherever I am :). He is now at peace and happier. Thank you for you reply.

Hi Neil,

Sorry to hear about your loss too. Yeah it goes so quick and then bam you get hit with many emotions every now and then. I have an amazing counsellor I have been seeing for over 10 years and whenever I know I need the help I go back to see him. My running had kept me mentally stable and for the first time in over 15 years I havnt had the winter blues this winter just passed. I had some time off work, manage to get another job after losing my job and got my life back on track. I'm doing very well and have built up a great support network of friends around town to help me in tough times. My family live around five hours away so I needed to get some support system when needed. This town had some lovely people who have helped me heaps. Thank you again.

Hi,

So sorry to hear about your loss. All the dates that come up like birthdays, date of their passing, Father's Day and other important dates are a struggle. I always have a good cry, spend time with my dog, outside watching the birds and nature. My dad reminds me of a butterfly so whenever i see them I know he is around. I talk to my dad, I talk to my brother, my mum and family and share stories about dad the happy and sad moments. It does get easier overtime which I thought would never come when your in the grieving process. I also read grieving self help books, had regular counseling and fought against my inner demons. I would never self harm myself again or try to commit suicide again either as I realised my life is worth it and I can work through all the past pain and move toward even though I sometimes go backwards. Grieving is a bitch at times but it makes you much stronger when you come out of it. Always seek help when needed is what my mum always helped me do from a young age. Thank you for your reply it meant a lot to me. I feel supported and not alone.

Hey Kt

When I posted to you early this year my dad was with us.

He passed away 3 weeks ago. Now I really feel your pain....Its a painful rollercoaster ride for sure

Happy Christmas Kt

Paul

Hi Kt. So pleased you're in a happier place now. Sometimes we do have to endure hardship to help us appreciate when things start happening that are good. My dad was a chronic alcoholic/narcissist, but, in spite of everything he did and even though he ignored me, I do miss him. I too latched onto to the wrong people, I needed someone to support me through my darkness and in my grief I thought I had found someone. The person I have in my life now is supportive and understanding, which in a guy is quite surprising. Men seldom understand females (we have problems understanding ourselves), but my friend is there for me whenever I need him. I know there is nothing I can't tell him, he never judges, always supports. Having that, more than makes up for all the bad choices I made. I have a job which I love, my confidence is total. Like you, I am usually in the sun these days, occasionally rain clouds appear, but the sun always returns.

Lynda