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Forums / Grief and loss / My sisters boyfriend passed away

Topic: My sisters boyfriend passed away

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    24 posts
    8 August 2021

    My sister texted me this morning that her boyfriend had passed away. They had gotten close in 2020, and drifted apart. He had previously been hospitalised with drug / alcohol problems. He was only 38, and l don't know much information, but l believe that his death was alcohol related.

    My sister was worried when she tried to ring him, and her calls were going straight to messagebank.

    She managed to contact a family member through social media, and the family member informed my sister that he had passed away.

    I have been around at my sisters all day looking after her 8 year old daughter. My sister has been distraught all day, and l have mainly been with her daughter. It was distressing to see my sister so upset. And obviously, my sister couldn't say too much to me with her daughter there.

    My sister has an amicable relationship with her ex husband, and he came around to help with his daughters bed time routine.

    When her ex husband came over, l drove home at my sisters request.

    It has been a traumatic day, and l have been texting my sister. She says she is ok, and doesn't want to talk because she is exhausted.

    I never met her boyfriend, but it is so sad. He has an ex wife, and children whom are quite young.

    Now l am home, and trying to emotionally process the afternoon. I wish my sister felt like talking to me, and l wish l could reach out to her. But she is dealing with her grief in her own way.

    I also suffer with anxiety, and now l am at home, wide awake and trying to relax. I am going to see my sister tomorrow, so l will give her some time.

    From what l can gather the relationship was on again / off again, but my sister said that the moments they shared together were very special to her, and she loved him. It is so very sad.

    My sister also doesn't know his family very well, which makes things hard.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15291 posts
    8 August 2021 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hello Leeroyo, it's always very sad to hear of someone passing away because we aren't sure why it's happened but naturally believe if they had an alcohol/drug problem then this could be the reason, but we still don't know the actual circumstances until we're told.

    It's also very difficult to know what to say to your sister as you want to keep the bond between you and her so you need to be careful how to approach this situation.

    The best way is to give her a cuddle, let her cry and let her open up when she wants to, sometimes asking too many questions at this point may not be what she wants and could break the relationship between the two of you, she will discuss this when she is ready.

    The special moments between her and her boyfriend are what's going to stick with her and could be difficult for her to try and erase, so it's going to take time and certainly help to get through this, this is something you can't really overcome by yourself and even strong people will still have this pushed into the back of their mind, but will come to the surface when the opportunity permits.

    I'm sorry to hear this news and hope you can get back to us.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    24 posts
    8 August 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff,

    Things have settled down a bit today. I went to my sisters today to give her some groceries, and she was sad, but more calm. I have just tried to be there. Before l went to my sisters, l went for a walk in the sunshine which was nice. I will continue to support my sister however l can.

    Leeroyo

  4. golden82
    golden82 avatar
    372 posts
    9 August 2021 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hi Leeroyo1,

    I read your post the other day, but didn't know if I had any words to help you at this sad time. I am 38yo also and it is a shock when someone of this age passes away. Quite confronting of how short life is and how unexpected it is too. I am pleased to read things are a bit better for you, calmer. Definitely keep looking after yourself with those walks in the sunshine :) You sound like a very compassionate and kind hearted person wanting to be there for your sister and the help you are providing. She is lucky to have you as a sibling. I hope with time things get easier and remember you can post here anytime good or bad. Take care of yourself. From Golden :)

    1 person found this helpful

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