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Forums / Grief and loss / Reality bites….HARD

Topic: Reality bites….HARD

11 posts, 0 answered
  1. Legion
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    24 March 2016

    On this day 36 years ago my life changed irrevocably. I became alone in the world. Without warning my mother had a
    severe stroke and a few hours later the machine that was keeping her body alive was turned off. Meanwhile at home, my terminally ill father
    who’s mind had long ago left his body had no idea that his wife and carer for so many hard years had left this mortal coil. Later in the
    afternoon he was taken to hospital and after pulling many strings I had him admitted into a fine nursing home to live out his last few years
    oblivious of this harsh new reality. Call me cruel for those actions but first think hard about it.

     

    I have now been alone for so long. No brothers, sisters, cousins, no one at all and a failed marriage but fortunately no children.For those of you that have “family” cherish every moment. If you don’t speak or even acknowledge a relation for whatever reason, they are still there. They are still on this planet and deep down in your subconscious th0e link is not broken. Take a moment to reflect on the Christmases,
    birthdays and those many events that give the word “family” real meaning. Whether it’s good or bad believe me, the alternative is an
    emptiness that in time makes you sour to so many things, believe me, I know.

    I didn’t write this for sympathy. I didn’t write this to cry “why me?” I wrote this to remind you to take a moment to think about your respective
    families, of who you have in your life and how they may have helped to shape you into the wonderful people you are.

  2. Jacko777
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    24 March 2016 in reply to Legion

    Thankyou for that reminder Legion, we all need to remember to be thankful for what we have.

    It's never too late to build new relationships either, my friends are my family too and I hope you don't give up on meeting new people and being open to new friendships. It took me so long to get over the loss of my mother but now I practice loving her, not missing her, I think of her with love not loss. No one will call you cruel here, quite the opposite. Love to you.

    Jack

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Legion
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    24 March 2016 in reply to Jacko777

    Hello Jack,

    Your words have great warmth.Thankyou for sharing and for what it's worth I understand your loss.

    Regarding building new relationships, well, I'm old now. Such things have passed. My prime focus is caring for my old cat.

     

     

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Lost Girl
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    2696 posts
    25 March 2016 in reply to Legion

    Hi Legion,

    Your words are beautiful to me. You are so right with everything you say. It is a good reminder to not take things for granted.

    I lost my Dad 20 years ago and Mum 11 years ago both to cancer. I think the choice you made was a kind one to you and your Dad (hugs if you'd like one).

    I miss my parents most on holidays but particularly on my B'day which I had always thought was about me up until I had kids of my own.

    I have a brother who I see rarely  (army), but that I treasure and my own family but my brother is the only one who remembers my Mum and Dad the way I do.

    I am glad you have your cat to care for, they can bring great joy and comfort.

    The older I get the more traits I see in myself that remind me of my parents. Do you find this too?

    I do have some friends like Jack that I count as family too.  I find a good way to meet people is to join local interest groups. Have you tried any of these? 

    I am on the BB forums for depression from chronic pain. When I am on mine own during the day, housebound, I do find myself thinking of my parents.

    Thanks again for words. There's no pressure to reply to my questions if you don't want to.

    Kind thoughts,

    Carol

  5. geoff
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    25 March 2016 in reply to Legion
    dear Legion, your parents must still be a lovely memory for you after all of this time.
    It was very difficult when our Mum (5 kids) was put into a nursing home and it was done by Dad because she had a knee replacement had no physio and also was incontinent, but the main reason was that Dad was having an affair with the next door neighbour, this was difficult because Mum's mind was normal and she absolutely hated the nursing home, knowing of what was going to happen to her, end up like a vegetable, and that's what happened.
    Your dad needed 24/7 care and needed to be looked after by staff, because feeding, toileting and showering was something he couldn't do himself, so you shouldn't feel ashamed at all.
    There are plenty of good times in my family at an early age, but there are plenty of awful times, but now I have my own little family to treasure which are definitely my highlights in life. Geoff. x

  6. Legion
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    26 March 2016 in reply to Lost Girl

    Dear Carol,

    Thankyou for sharing and I don't mind answering the questions at all.

    Regarding the "traits" no, not at all unless I can't see them and there is no one to tell me otherwise. As for meeting people I'm not very good at it these days. I suppose people find me too "strange" The best I can manage is going to work and there I pretty much work by myself. The only time people come to visit me at work is when they can't do something or they are having a problem with the computers. Amusingly the highlight of my day today is an eye test at 11:30

    Oh well, it's just a matter of time really.

  7. Lost Girl
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    2696 posts
    26 March 2016 in reply to Legion

    Hi Legion, 

    I work for an IT company when I am able to work that is. I miss it. It's good that you are able to.  It can get lonely working on your own. I work from home these days and it feels easy to shut away from the world especially when I feel the way I do.

    Have you any hobbies or interests that there might be groups for,like-minded people? 

    I have made friends through my kids and my work now but early on in life I found it very hard. My interests differed from most girls that I knew. I was very nerdy and liked sci-fi fantasy, role playing type games etc and was a bit of an outcast until I found a nerdy group of guys who were into the same things.  

    What do you do to occupy your time ooutside of work? I have limited things I can do at the moment due to pain and meds....I watch a lot of netflix, play games on my phone and hang around here on BB for company.

    Cheers,

    Carol

     

     

  8. Legion
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    26 March 2016 in reply to Lost Girl
    Hello Carol

    I only work to pay my mortgage, feed my cat and buy medications. I used to
    have hobbies and interests but over the years I lost that spark to keep me
    interested as for “like minded people” there isn’t any. I just don’t fit in.

    Like you I am nerdy with the Sci-Fi etc but freaks like me are few and far
    between. As for sports, I’ve heard of them. Not having kids limited my
    opportunities.

    Outside of work I force myself to the gym twice a week but apart from that I
    just struggle to go out the front door. This morning I had to as I had an eye
    test at OPSM but the moment I walked into Warriewood shopping centre I became
    angry at the the people there. What a conundrum, I can’t stand the “happy
    beautiful” people in the outside world and I can’t stand being home alone
    killing time. Admittedly I do have my old cat Talia but like me, her clock is
    ticking.

  9. Lost Girl
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    2696 posts
    26 March 2016 in reply to Legion

    Hey Legion,

    I get happy people being annoying at times. I have been there a few times, especially trying for my second child and everyone in my parent group had one straight away and it took me 4 years. I had to leave the group because as much as I was happy for them I couldn't stand it.

    I am not interested in sport at all. I have never seen a rugby game and have no idea about anything that goes on.  The only sport I watch is my 3 year old in soccer.

    Did you ever play Magic the Gathering? A lot of games shops run Friday night games and some do on weekends. I want to go but can't because of the kids and my ill health. Most Game Traders run them, sometimes EB Games and if you are up to travel a little Top Ryde Good Games does. They have a facebook site and post their events. They offer to teach the game if you don't know how. It a terrific game. I have signed up for the notifications but can never go. Dreaming I guess. It might be a good place to meet other great nerdy people.  You may even be able to find a rpg club. Games Paradise in the city has things too.

    It seems impossible sometimes to get back into things but it is rewarding when you do. 

    There are also workshops that the councils run periodically on different things if you check your local council webpage. You might find something interesting on there.

    It's great you get to the gym. I have never been a gym person but I did zumba before I became injured and I liked that as I like dancing.

    Hope you don't mind all the suggestions. I know what lonely feels like. I lived on my own for a few years in a state I didn't know anyone. I ended up making friends out of a local newspaper of people looking for friends!  Are there online groups of people looking for friends?

    Have you been to Comic Con here? I went 2 years ago just after my injury dosed up on pain meds but couldn't miss it.  I met William Shatner...that was a highlight. 

    Cheers,

    Carol

  10. Lost Girl
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    2696 posts
    27 March 2016 in reply to Legion

    Hi Legion,  There is a response on it's way, it is just taking some time to come through.

    While you wait, wishing you an early Happy Easter and thinking of you.

    Kind thoughts,

    Carol 

  11. Legion
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    28 March 2016 in reply to Lost Girl

    Thanks Carol,

    You're very kind.

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