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Forums / Grief and loss / Stillborn son and struggling with my loss

Topic: Stillborn son and struggling with my loss

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jenjen91
    Jenjen91 avatar
    1 posts
    28 November 2015

    Hi anyone in new here so please bare with me.

    in April this year I lost my only child at 24 weeks gestation due to a rare condition. 

    Im really struggling I've gone through good and bad moments but by far this is the worst. 

    from the moment I the dr told me my son would not make it I have felt empty and cold. I have no affection or love for anyone anymore.and I dream about my son constantly.

    i dnt understand how my life went from so perfect to so bad in a matter of a few hours, my life really took a bad turn the day I walked out of the hospital with empty arms and know I was walking away from my son and my heart, leaving him at the hospital and there was nothing I could do. I will never forget driving out of the city heading home that night I was discharge driving away from the city lights into the country darkness saying goodbye to my lil boy. 

    I have no purpose in life anymore I failed my son and I knew that the moment I delivered him and held him he was so perfect and looked so pieceful as though he knew I was his mummy. 

    But really rips my guts of is that he passed away while I was actually delivering him. 

    I felt him moving just before the dr told me it was time to push.

     im really in a bad place and have a lot of pressure. 

    My husband has 2 children to his ex who he doesn't see because of me and our late son. (His ex hates me and the fact that we had a child) so he doesn't see them.

     

    thanks for listening 

    feel free to share your story's or nice comments keep the bad comments quiet plz

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6126 posts
    30 November 2015 in reply to Jenjen91

    Hi Jenjen91, thanks for posting.

    We are very sorry to hear about the loss of your son, . It is understandable that you are in a lot of emotional pain and that you're struggling to cope. It is very important to look after yourself during this time of grief. We're not sure if you are accessing any professional help at the moment, but would encourage you to contact your GP and get a referral to see a psychologist to get some ongoing help and support. You may also like to consider contacting one of the following support lines:

    - SANDS (Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Newborn Death Support) Telephone Support: 1300 072637 - 24hr National Support Line.

    - Pregnancy Loss Australia - Free Call Bereavement Support Line 1800 824 240

    We also have a fact sheet about grief and loss on our website which you might like to read.

    In your post you mentioned feeling you have no purpose in your life anymore.
    Sometimes when people are grieving, they may have thoughts of suicide or self harm. If you're having thoughts of ending your life or harming yourself, please contact the Mental Health team through your local hospital or call the Suicide call back service on 1300 659 467. If you are at immediate risk of hurting yourself, please call 000 for emergency services to attend.

    We are also here to support you, and you are welcome to call us on our Support Service 1300 224 636. We are available 24/7 on the phone and between 3pm and midnight each day for web chat.

    Please take care.

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