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Forums / Grief and loss / Struggling going through grief losing my cat

Topic: Struggling going through grief losing my cat

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. 7un13
    7un13 avatar
    3 posts
    31 March 2022
    It happened to me 4 days ago. And yes i am literally counting the days that I am away from him. He's my first cat and i take full responsibility in taking care of him. I am struggling so much from the fact that he left so sudden, quick while still too young. I keep having flashbacks of that last moment, and it makes me feel so traumatised. I've been feeling rather detached throughout the day, and finding it so hard to concentrate on my uni which I have not been attending much of the classes. I think I am coping well and healthily, but the flashbacks are kind of haunting me. I still can't say his name or be the first person to mention him. I mean it's only been 4 days, so obviously I'm still struggling. Am i rushing my healing process? My sister recommends me to go to counselling so I might as well do. What is scaring me right now is the upcoming house inspection cause I'm still renting, which means I probably have to clean and put away all his stuff which I still left where they were. I'm scared. Is this normal?
  2. missep123
    Community Champion
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    missep123 avatar
    1100 posts
    31 March 2022 in reply to 7un13

    Hi 7un13,

    I am so sorry for your loss. My first dog passed away in a traumatic way and I also had flashbacks and was so incredibly sad in the beginning that it hurt so much to say her name or even look at her things.

    For myself, time really helped me but also when I felt ready to do so - talk about her and any memories I had. I am not going to lie, it was very painful at first but then the more I tried to push through the more that I was able to do so. Honestly it did take time for me though. Eventually though I got to a point where I could talk about her or say her name without crying, I started to feel relief.

    I think your sister's recommendation to go to counselling is a great idea. Having someone there to help you process can be incredibly supportive. Everyone heals differently but I think in times like these it's so important to take care of yourself.

    I personally believe in psychics (I know it's not everyone's cup of tea) but they once said that no matter how traumatic the passing, they are so peaceful and happy in the afterlife.

    We are here for you 7un13!

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Beeee
    Community Champion
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    Beeee avatar
    68 posts
    2 April 2022 in reply to 7un13

    Hello 7un13,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my first cat very suddenly and at a young age and understand how much it can hurt.

    Putting away your cats things is one of the hardest parts of saying goodbye and how you're feeling is definitely normal. Perhaps putting everything away with a friend or family member could be helpful, so you aren't alone. As your sister and missep123 have suggested, a counsellor could also help guide you through the healing process.

    Sending love,

    Beeee

    1 person found this helpful
  4. therising
    Valued Contributor
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    therising avatar
    2824 posts
    2 April 2022 in reply to 7un13

    Hi 7un13

    My heart goes out to you as you struggle so much with your little friend's passing. As a cat gal myself, I can relate to how truly heartbreaking the loss can be. I can recall when my most beloved cat passed some years back. As a grown woman I sobbed on and off for days, really sobbed almost uncontrollably at times. The grief can be enormous and the triggers can appear to be endless, all depending on what they meant to us and the connection we had with them.

    You'll feel what your biggest triggers are. When you think of putting his things away, you'll know you need help because of how incredibly triggering this image feels. As Beee suggests, look for help. If you feel you can't be involved at all, that's fine. Have someone else do it for you. If your little friend used to predictably come around the same corner of the house at the same time of day, that corner at that time of day will be another trigger. I imagine you'll feel it. As you already know, there'll be a lot of triggers you'll feel. I know it's hard to imagine at this point, where everything feels so new and raw, but intense emotions that come with the triggers will gradually lessen over time. Don't let anyone insist you speed up the process, trust the process will naturally happen for you over time, the lessening.

    I can relate to missep123's take on life. All that psychic stuff is my cup of tea. This may sound seriously weird but if you can imagine he's still there with you in some form, can you imagine him saying to you (if he had a voice) 'I know you miss me to the point where it's heartbreaking but we've got this. We'll get through my passing together'. I imagine I just made you cry. I've got tears welling up in my own eyes. If you imagine he's there in a different form it might make things a little easier. It's like you can't feel him (his fur) but you can sense him. Not sure if that will help. I hope so. If it makes things worse, work on distracting yourself from imagining him being there at every turn. Different things work for different people.

    Give yourself the freedom to feel how you feel. Give yourself that gift. If anyone insists you're being 'ridiculous' or 'over dramatic' (the kind of things people said to me when my cat passed), shut those people down with 'You're obviously not sensitive enough to feel how I feel. I suggest you work on that!'.

    Feel free to return at any time and vent any upset you feel during your healing process.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. 7un13
    7un13 avatar
    3 posts
    4 April 2022 in reply to therising
    Not just to therising, but thank you so much to other replies as well. Yeah I'll be reaching out to counselling when I've sat down with myself enough. It feels really warm reading your replies, you all put it so nicely and light so and it sucks that we have to go through this. I am absolutely into psychic things as well so it really put a smile on me haha. I've been letting myself feel things and aren't too hard on myself so I do feel grateful for myself as well, at least I also have me and trust that I can healthily carry myself through this. Thank you so much again.
    3 people found this helpful
  6. missep123
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    missep123 avatar
    1100 posts
    18 April 2022 in reply to 7un13

    You are so welcome 7un13. Grieving can be an incredibly difficult process so I hope that you felt comforted knowing you are not alone in what you are going through and your feelings are incredibly valid. I like what you said about feeling warm reading the replies, it is so nice that we can support each other like that!

    It is very challenging what you are going through but I can see so much inner strength in you!

    Please reach out whenever you'd like!

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