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Forums / Grief and loss / Struggling with my beautiful Cats death

Topic: Struggling with my beautiful Cats death

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. SmileySocks
    SmileySocks avatar
    39 posts
    5 October 2021

    So I lost my beloved cat over the weekend. It was a horrific, violent death and I'm struggling with the guilt over it.

    We're supposed to protect our pets as part of caring for them and I failed her big time!

    I already suffer from depression and debilitating anxiety so obviously her death has compounded it. I don't have a partner or any kids and my cat was my constant companion through most of my adult life. She helped me through some of the really dark times and for her death to be anything but peaceful is killing me.

    I will never make peace with her death but I need to find a way to honour her memory/life, not to get rid of my guilt but because it's the very least I owe her.

    I'm just really, really struggling and I can't get in to see my psychologist atm so I need to write what I'm feeling here, maybe it'll help me come up with an idea to honour her.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to SmileySocks

    Hi, welcome

    Thankyou for writing in. Not only that it gives us an opportunity to help you but many people will read your post and be helped also.

    It is a very sad time in your life and grief is something other people are limited in ability to help. However I have a few ideas that just might help you come to a decision.

    My neighbour, when his son passed away planted a rose garden in his honour.

    Another friend, renting a flat, bought a pot plant for her balcony when her mum passed.

    A cousin of my wife joined a group saving rescue dogs.

    When my wifes cat passed away I was at a loss as to what to do. She said she didnt want another pet at all as "Misty" couldnt be replaced. I waited about 8 weeks then bought a mini Foxy pup. When we went to collect "Rosie" she was so little and cuddly, my wife melted. Rosie is now 9 years old and a true member of our family, sleeps at our feet and eat our food! As you would know Rosie gives back more affection that we could ever give her. Amazing beings.

    So, I really feel for you and what you are experiencing but remember- you have provided shelter, food and love to your baby all this time so you as a human being is really remarkable.

    When you are ready and you will know the time is right, I'd look for another pet...after all, that's what your cat would want you to do right?

    In fact I believe our purpose in life is to help other people or animals in our world.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5937 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to SmileySocks
    Hi SmileySocks,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

    We are sorry to hear that you have been struggling with the loss of your beloved cat. It sounds like things are really tough right now, so please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

    If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
  4. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    982 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to SmileySocks

    Hello SmileySocks,
    I am sad to hear of the death of your Beautiful Cat, a love of your life, I'm sure.
    My Mekitty, (see my avatar) died unexpectedly several years ago. I still miss her. I want to honour her, rather than continue to blame myself for the way she died. I must accept I did everything I could, looking after her, vet checks, and all.
    When she died, I decided I would pay for a sealed wooden bowl-shaped urn for her ashes. It as a texture which reminds me of Mekitty's fur. I sometimes hold it, & have a cry.
    At first, I couldn’t stand to see all of her things around my flat. I put things away, because I couldn’t throw them out or even give them away.
    Eventually, I did donate the reusable things & have the small things I kept in a special place, near her ashes.
    I kept a few of her toys, the fake mice, with their amputated tails, a plastic spider with three & a half legs missing, & her purple collars and their bells. I stitched a couple bells onto a pair of gloves.
    I had many photos, until my hard drive crashed. I found one hiding in the files I did manage to get recovered. If you have photos on your phone or hard drive in a desktop, back them up. Maybe get some printed and put them on your walls.
    I have written about her, some things here, in the Topic, 'Pets: gotta love them'. I recall happy, fun times with her. I try to focus on such memories, rather than the memories of her at the end. But, I have written about that too. It was important for me to do that, to process what had happened and all my feelings. I love a poem I wrote, even though it chokes me up sometimes.
    I think if you can do anything like write, (reading your post, I think you can), or draw, paint,
    Perhaps,, volunteer to help out in a pet rescue or perhaps, even knit little cat cardies in your cat's memory, or make cat cushions. (I’m not good at sewing, but I did make a cushion & she’d liked it when she was little.).
    I wonder, if doing something along these lines could help with your feelings of guilt.
    Sitting around chastising yourself or whatever you think you failed to do, or for something you did is not going to help anything.
    We’re here to listen , when you want to talk.
    I have realised, beating up on myself for the way I was at the time of her death, was disrespectful to Mekitty's life and my memories of her. I love Mekitty, & always will. Doing what I can to honour her has brought me some peace.
    mmMekitty

  5. SmileySocks
    SmileySocks avatar
    39 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony,

    Thank you for your reply. I am feeling a little better. I like all those ideas for honouring a person or pet.

    I always say no more pets after one passes but I will get another cat, not for a while, maybe next year. My cat was a rescue from the local shelter so I will adopt another. I have a dog who has been amazing this last week with me.

    My cat had 17 loving years with me and gave me so much. I need to focus on those good times.

    Thanks again

    Smiley

    1 person found this helpful
  6. SmileySocks
    SmileySocks avatar
    39 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie,

    Thank you for checking in and the helpful suggestions 🙂

    Thanks

    Smiley

  7. SmileySocks
    SmileySocks avatar
    39 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    Thank you so much for your reply, you have really helped me with a bit of perspective. Some of my friends have said to not let what happened get me too down. I feel I need to honour her memory to let her rest in peace.

    I got her cremated and her ashes are in a beautiful wooden box with a section up the top for a photo. I also got a blue heart pendant with some of her ashes in it which I have with me always. The company that did the cremation also got her paw prints with paint for me which are in a frame beside her ashes ❤🐱

    For the first few days I couldn't even stand to be in the house surrounded by all her things but I'm feeling a bit better about that now I have her home with me again but it's hard to look at her ashes/urn box sometimes.

    I'm currently doing pet sitting so I can spend more time with animals. I nearly gave it up when my cat Zorro died. I thought how can I care for other people's pets when I wasn't able to save my own.

    Now I'm thinking it will be a good way to honour her memory by giving other pets the loving care I give to my own.

    I have had a hard drive crash before so I always back up all my photos e.t.c. I'm thinking of doing a photo book or a calendar with her photos. When I can afford it, I'm going to order a cuddle clone of my beloved Zorro.

    I will try and raise some money for animal rescues. I now believe I will find peace once I honour her memory and concentrate on the good/happy times.

    Thanks again

    Smiley

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