Hi,

a Month ago my 22yo sister passed away suddenly. She was the healthiest happiest and kindest person and I don’t understand. No one can tell us why that is was just a sudden cardiac event. I can’t sleep, I can’t talk to anyone and I feel so guilt that I couldn’t protect her. My wife wants me to open up but I don’t know how.

Hello BC, you have just started doing this but know that it's such a difficult topic to let people know how you actually feel, but please my utmost sympathy and deepest thoughts are with you in every step you need to take.

No one could ever predict if someone you love is going to have a sudden cardiac because they may seem to be doing all the right exercises as well as eating to maintain their body so they keep in good shape, but our bodily functions are hidden, just as suffering from any type of depression is, so, please slowly talk to us about what she loved to do, there must be so much you want to tell us, either now or later on, but we're here to listen to whatever you want to say, just take your time.

Take care.

Geoff.

Hi bc

Allow me to join with Geoff with my thoughts and sympathies.

Time is your healer and we can't speed that up. You can find ways to sooth your hurt, a small garden, writing down your thoughts.

Opening up is a good start

YOUR SISTERS WINGS

As a boy Im sure you pushed her
On her favourite swing
As a man ...far to early
Forced to grow her Angel wings....

Honour her your memory
Shield her from harm
For she will rest in eternal peace
Wrapped in her brothers arms...

TonyWK

Hello BC

Im sorry for the (sudden) loss of your sister. My heartfelt condolences for your loss

4 Weeks ago may as well be 4 minutes ago

There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you if you want to talk about anything you wish.

Please be gentle to yourself during this sad and emotionally difficult time

my kindest thoughts for you and your family

Paul

BC16

Like Geoff ,Tony and Paul I extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family on the sudden loss of your sister.

Your grief is so deep and as Paul says be gentle with yourself. There is no right way to grieve. if talking about it helps Dont hat, if writing helps do that if being my yourself helps, try that.
As well as the huge ,loss you have the suddenness.

As a brother you feel you needed to protect her and I am sure she knew how much you loved and cared for her.

You can share anything in the forums and we are here to listen and support.

Your wife's suggestion is spot on as it sounds like you're suppressing much grief and emotional pain deep within you.
Just letting you know, it's okay to allow your feelings to rise to the surface - blubber, cry, shout and scream. There is no justice or avenue to remedy your loss beyond expressing it without reservation. Unburden yourself to find the release and inner peace that follows.
Your wife suffers also, and in each other's arms you shall find comfort and acceptance in time. Take care of each other.

Thank you all for your sympathies, I thought the funeral would help some part but it hasn’t. I know I need to talk but I can’t my wife is holding myself and our children up but I can’t do the same back.
I can’t seem to focus, I keep trying to think of ways to have my sister close to me but none of it feels right.

i Miss her so much

Hi Bc16

i am very sorry to hear about your loss. I can understand what you feel.

The pain of losing someone so close can never be erased but speak about the memories you shared with her the good moments you spent with her talk about her to your family and friends don’t bottle up your feelings it will do you no good at all it will only make you more sad.

Get involved in something you like to do meet friends get involved in something in the community.

If you still feel you can’t cope speak to your GP who may refer you to a counsellor.

stay strong and take care

Hi BC16, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. I too have lost a sibling to a sudden cardiac death (my 17 year old brother) I was 20 years old at the time and am now 31. I fully understand the shock of this coming out of nowhere and especially effecting a healthy young person. I feel the guilt too, guilty that I am living and guilty about my brother losing his life. Then comes the fear that I could pass away so suddenly too (even with all the investigative cardiac testing I've had done over the years). It's so difficult to comes to terms with such a loss and here I am 11 years down the line and still so deeply traumatised. That's not to say that I haven't had joy and had a good life, but recently I am spiraling down the rabbit hole of pain and fear again. My advice would be to seek out a good psychologist to help you process those horrible early days of loss, i'm back to doing this myself. I truly send you my deepest condolences as I know all too well the pain you are feeling.

Hi Jw90, 

Thank you so much for sharing this here. We're so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, and about how you've been feeling recently.  

It's good to hear that you're seeking out a psychologist to help you with this. It sounds like you're already in the process of finding this support, but in case it's useful you can find advice and directories on the Beyond Blue website here. We'd also recommend talking to Griefline on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEST every day). 

Please know that you're not alone with this, you can call the Beyond Blue helpline at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through, and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place to stop feeling like you're spiraling with this.  

We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this, as you've been so kind in sharing your experience here. You never know how your story might help someone else, so do feel free to share more if you're comfortable to.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

Hi BC16,

I am sorry for what you have been through and unfortunately I do understand how you feel. 3 weeks ago I lost my completely healthy happy fun loving 30 yr old newly married sister in a senseless accident. It was not even her fault. She was hit by a car whilst she was crossing a suburban street at a zebra crossing. I feel terrible about no being there for her, terrible that I am still alive, terrible that my life is going to move forward and hers is not. How have you been coping over the past few months?