Hi Croix

Your not wrong Buddy not sure what the deal is here but she is a very kind person and also has good heart and to let me stay here in a fully contained unit its pretty flash to i must say at the least im very lucky . At the moment she said just chill and we can discuss arrangements later, she is also very creative and i think i can also be off some use buy helping her out with work that needs doing around the place which will make me happy as i get the chance to show her my appreciation for what she has done for me most people dont understand and take for granted what it is like to come back to having a roof over our head at the end off the day. Im in a good safe place means the world to me right now.

Happy new year to you and Mark thanks once again for all you time and effort

Regards Jason

Ps im waiting for one more document from victoms of crime then im handing everything over to a lawyer and im forgetting about it well i will try to?

Hi Croix

You wont believe this i have just had the boyfriend test me i been home alone tonight whilst my friend went to a new years eve party and just found out my good friend is in thailand next thing the boyfriend comes banging on door making all types usumptions im out off here rather the wind and back off ute got no money life has really got bad when i thought it could not get any worse 2017 great start

Jason

Hi Jason

It's ups and downs all the way - frustrating & upsetting - it has to get better this year.

What you said before about handing over the victims of crime stuff to a lawyer and forgetting about it for now sounds like a pretty good idea - less day to day hassles to think about.

Can you give your friend a ring and ask her to straighten things out? Seems a pity to let some jerk stuff things up for you.

Hang in their friend

Croix

Hi Croix

All good for now he came and apologize to me

Hooray! - see 2017 will have an up side

Croix

Hi Mark and Croix

I have scaned and sent off to mygov why i am not receiving any follow ups on my DSP claim also sent them photo off were i been sleeping be interesting to see how long it takes for a reply i really would like to go and get help somewhere else in the world asia for these reoccurring dreams as i can not seam to stop thinking about the whole ordeal unless i am keeping busy doing something but right now got no energy as im hunrgy and out of money and im staying in someone's home grany flat and does not feel right not paying my way , to be completely honest i cant believe this is what it has come to i just cant get my head around the stabbing, why i survived, not receiving any help for ptsd anxiety, DSP ,TWO down grades in charges, the original police officer detective being moved to another station shortly after then being on indefinite sick leave, the judge given bail before im out of icu, and there is more i cant stop thinking who has interfered and im prettysure positive in fact who it is, it driving me crazy .

Anyway im going to give posting a rest for few days

Best wishes for 2017

Jason

Hi Jason

You may not feel crash hot at the moment, but you've made some progress with your DSP claim.

You are also being helped by a friend by staying in the flat. Ask yourself if the situations were the other was round would you help out - I reckon you would.

It's no big thing to accept a hand from a friend. I've found that if someone does me a favor and I can't repay it- for whatever reason, then later down the track I help someone else - What Goes Around Comes Around as they say.

You made the rainbow and made two children happy, the girl you made it for and the one she was giving it it to

I'm glad you are at least out of the wind

Hang in there - post here whenever you want.

Croix

Hi

I spoke to one of the on line councilors today she was very good to talk to and with all your help combined makes me realize that im not going mad or crazy i just have to be strong its like a war over ethics, honor ,principal and human rights i have to think like a warrior aspecially when im getting support from people like yourself and others on this forum including my good friend and others who are not getting paid strange how things work out at times i feel alone on this journey then there is times like this when i feel this overwhelming amount of support i dont want to let you all down after all your time and effort guiding me through with your own remedies from your own miss fortune, i will hopefully be able to assist others one day on this forum as i feel indebted and owe it to the people.

this forum may very well have saved my life , i have actually learnt so much about myself and what people need to hear to stop from giving up

I been hard work i no. im going to try not to let it continually get to me and think like a warrior ,trouble with that way off thinking sometimes do things that will end up eventually getting me locked up nothing i do hurts anyone but its out of need not greed and im prepared to pay the price for my actions which i no is wrong and we must be accountable for what we do in life i call it a temporary loan which i intend to pay back to the corporate giants who invade other countries kill inocent women and children for oil and trick us into believing its terrorism well this government has terrorized me i no that for sure!!! i will probably gett more jail time than the guy who stabbed me but at least i will get the opportunity to tell the judge what i think off the justice system in this country to his face and also whilst im at it ask him why do you protect pedophiles and not make public aware of there whereabouts thats common sence which this government fails to have any of now thats a warrior in full swing it feels like im firing back in stead of being stranded on the side of the road and being even more depressed cant believe i have not been charged yet really would love my day in the court room i will be assertive about my ordeal with a good lawyer buy my side i will never give a statement to the police again i will be nice and friendly to them so i get bail .

You have my full respect and i hold you in high regard its my way off dealing with it

Thinking like a warrior instead off victom it helps

Jason

Jason

You post today gladdens me tremendously. To know that you are feeling strong and confident means a great deal to both Mark and myself.

Nothing worth doing is that easy, and if you have been hard work you are well worth it -and will continue to be so. If it has saved your life then all the worry at this end has resulted in a fine human being still being with us - how great.

From my experiences as a cop - and here I'm just talking as a friend that wants you to prosper - there is no percentage in trying to tell the court anything, and no point in having a day in court unless you have no choice. It is just a system that will process you and go on to something else.

Thinking as a warrior is great and as it should be - it gives strength to overcome and also -strangely enough - strength to help others. Don't go too far though and try to prove points, just be kind to yourself.

Croix

Hi Croix /Mark

Hope your all well. I popped into centerlink today weii i asked them why have you not informed me about appointment they reckon they did not no what i eas talking about ok i said why ave you not kept intouch with me to tell me the outcome off my dsp end result they called police and i was issued move on notice the police were very nice and understanding i cant not go back for 5 days i went to oz park and got a food hamper just about finished it was so hungry, i booked an appointment again with my gp

Thats were im at once again its you fellas and my gp that understand everyone else treats me like i dont exist 

Take care

Jason

Hi Croix

Had drama today at centerlink the police ended up coming out they were extremely understanding and just issued me with a move on notice

I rang the j.......... police today to see if i could speak to the original officer who visited me in icu apparently he is going to call me tomorrow

Well i inquired about the charges and it is ongoing there is s trial comming up well im definitely not attending i coulf not care less if he was free he was out on bail before i was out of icu everyone has lied to me not that i care but how do i no he is in prison after all the lies and zero help i have received

Im selling my car paying the lady the rent i owe her applying for emergency passport if i can not get mine and im out of this country to relax piece off mind throwing phone in the bin and staying as far as i can away from this digital world we live in i dont want to no and i dont care about him. its not about him. i want to get back to sleeping dreaming off nice things i wont and will not ever look for anymore or except help or go to a hospital in this country ever again. i dont trust anyone anymore including some of my good friends who i no have not been teeling me the truth. i have already falling out with my two mates who went to the apparent sentencing date unbelievable,im not a pawn in a game off chess and do not find any humour in the way i been treated.

Im out of here never to return

Thanks for all your help

Jason

Hi Jason

Seems like the hassles are on the up at the moment. I'm glad the cops were ok - most can be be pretty reasonable - can't say the same but courts or centerlink though

Are you sure you want to sell your wheels. A car is a last resort -a place to stay or get away, and keep things, something to carry a board. I thought from what you were saying the lady wasn't in a hurry for rent - could you pay later, getting a helping hand now?

Going overseas when not well would definitely not be my first choice - you could end up in a worse situation real easy. If you really feel you need to get away for a bit there are closer places

Why not give that on-line councilor another go? Might help.

Talking of boards, is that yours in the photo?

Take it easy - things will improve

Croix

Hi Croix

How are you? Mate i just got back from my gp explained to him what i have been told yesterday about the psycho who stabbed me trial

I have called victoms of crime the are now emailing the dpp as i have called half dozen times and have never recieved a return phone call as promised see if i get a responce this time

All day every day my life is consumed by all this im not the type off person that can let something as life changing as this go unresolved im not a sitter never have been never will be untill the chapter of my life is resolved i will continue to do my pi work and i will get to the bottom and someone/persons are going to be held accountable its just tiring draining ( i already have my suspicion) its not good im very lucky/ unlucky to be alive.my days consist off resurching on a tiny smart phone all day eye's are really paying the price think thats why im now happy with my conclusion and there is not really any more i can find out, my identity well let me tell you this i now even find it hard to find myself when i look my name up i the one with out all the dating sites atatched to them and my company status is canceled not active and i definitely do not have a qr code attached to any company and i have never lived in watermans bay no nothing about Ashley Madison cop block or police autions sites no wounder i been getting no help my cousin been a busy little beaver the computer freak nerd from all my investigation biggest fraud and dangerous its getting closer to 100% positively him who has been the Trojan hacker this is why i need some time out all done my end case closed as far as im concerned. except for the fact i got stabbed only Twice last night and saw his face again and again really look forward to going to sleep these days to get stabbed few more times its great cant think of anything

Got offered $3000 for car today from car yard going to go to few job sites when it cools down hopping to get more around $5000 i spent that on sound system professionally installed buy Albert's car stereo then im going and not coming back  i have uk passport thats what i will travel on changing my name also want to be anonymous and for my plan in the future less people no the better

Take care

Jason

Hi Croix / Mark

Im hope you can understand i am becoming overwhelmed with these flashbacks and anxiety tonight after the sun set its getting to me why i dred having to go to sleep ,seeing his face and feeling that knife why am i thinking this way today i don't no anymore confusion usuption and loss off hope starting to disstance myself even the beautiful lady i meet i feel she deserves better than a wreck like my self, my family is evil my grandfather i miss him so much thats is name in the pentagram on my sutfboard i sprayed it over Xmas when I was doing the rainbows for my good friend

Jason

Hi Jason

I'd like you to try to understand something, its important -maybe you already know - I apologize if you do.

Mark and I have been talking to you for a fair while now and we see two Jasons. One is the real Jason, the warrior, the one who knows the system has not done right by him.

The other is Jason when he's got the PTSD making him think the wrong way. This is the Jason that thinks basically he's a waste of time, not worth much, the Jason that thinks there's no light at the end of the corridor.

That's not you. The PTSD does that, it distorts the thinking, and what you are saying today is exactly what you'd expect from someone with PTSD when it is doing the talking for them.

Neither Mark nor I would waste our time on somebody who was not worthwhile, and - in their own way - an honorable person.

You have my respect because I understand exactly what you are going though. You are getting there and surviving, trying to do your best by everybody you know on the way.

Flashbacks are horrible and so real -they do indeed make nightmares so you are afraid to sleep.

Why not give the phone councilor another go, a friendly voice might be good - and ask specifically how you get treatment. If they don't know ask them which help-line might. Keep trying til you get somewhere.

As far as I can see the most important thing for you is proper treatment, not the court case, not having your say, not going away or trying to pay back help either.

Your board looks pretty good to me in the small photo

Hang in there

Croix

.

Hi mark / Croix

Have not heard from you Mark for a while now i hope you doing ok.

I went for a surf this morning small but good to be in the water had a bit off a rough day woke up this morning 3am from a extremely bad flashback nightmarei didn't bother going back to sleep but as it happens i left the place im at now at first light and ended up helping a middle aged cyclists who fell off his bike gave him a lift back to his place his poor wife seamed beside her self he hit his head quite hard on his temple small but deep cut along with other abrasions elbow etc had bit off a laugh with him as it happens im drinking one off the beers he gave me. Surf was not that good so i had to come back to change towels and buy then the winds had turned in my favour got a couple small one and had time to reflect on what had just happened from the time i woke up.

Then i went out to see my friend Vince and his wife.

Tryed my hardest not to start dwelling but it seamed to get the better off me again.

Im reading this book at the moment no time for fear i bought it because of three very important words. Improvised,adapt and overcome. I read it last night chapter 12 , if you like i will explain his terminology off those three words which are having some sort off profound effect on me let me no

All the best jason

Hi Jason

I think Mark's in the US for a holiday, that's why he's been quiet.

Sounds like another good deed. Goes back to what I said before, if you can't return a favor pass it on. Makes me feel good when it happens. Bet he (& his wife) were relived to get him back home ok. What sort of beer?

I'm please you found at least a few waves to carry you along & that Vince is doing ok - is he taking precautions, medication and no heavy work?

Yes you could explain 'Improvised, adapt and overcome'

Like just about everybody here I'm a work in progress and am always on the lookout for new helpful ideas I can try out - one day I'll be cured I guess.

Take care

Croix

Hi Croix

Firstly hope your well my friend and thanks for getting back to me as you always do your a true champion, buy the way it was carlton dry ,not a bad drop.

Yes !!!Vince is on medication alot he showed me and very expensive he is taking things easy but i think thats not out of choice as he has no work on at the moment.

these words are the mantra of the Australian army, IMPROVISE,ADAPT ,OVERCOME.

CHAPTER 12

IF YOU FIND YOURSELF STUCK IN SOME GOD-AWFUL CIRCUMSTANCE OR IOTHER, THEN IT WOULD BE UP TO YOU TO IMPROVISETO MAKE THE BEST OF THE SITUATION. IF THAT WASN'T AN OPTION, THEN YOU'D HAVE TO ADAPT. AND IF THOSE KINDS OF COMPROMISES WERE IMPOSSIBLE, THEN THE ONUS WAS ON YOU TO OVERCOME - BUY EITHER CHANGING THE SITUATION TO SUIT YOURSELF, OR GETTING THE HELL OUT ANDBUILDING A BETTER LIFE FOR YOURSELF ELSEWHERE.

THIS FELLA PAUAL de GELDER BOOK. ( NO TIME FOR FEAR). It not a bad book bit slow at firstfirst but i like his attitude (he had it tough as a youg fella) now he only has one arm and one leg , as he was attacked buy a 3 metre long bull shark whilst diving at the naval base in Sydney this guy is amazing truely unbelievable if you didnt read his story.

Have a nice day Croix. Im trying my best to keep strong and possitive alot off that i owe to yourself Mark and others thanks

Best wishes jason

Hi Jason

Thanks for that quote, I've cut it out and put it in my own computer to think about -pretty good.

Also thanks for the phone call - I really appreciate the trouble you went to - and so will Mark when he gets back.

I hope things are going smooth for you at the moment

Croix

Hiya Jason - we haven't spoken for a while and I've just been catching up with your thread.

Geeeez you're going through it mate, but you're hanging in there and that's the main thing. You're a strong fella who feels deeply and you have every reason to be angry at the world. Yet here you are making beautiful things for children, helping your mates and caring about others. That tells me you're a good bloke.

Can I ask you if you've had any contact with non-government support services or even the main charities (such as Anglicare and Salvos). I ask because you're fighting a battle with bureaucracy that you should not have to fight alone. Community mental health bodies and some charities can offer advice and support, even advocacy services, to help you get what you're entitled to and provide ongoing support.

Now, having said that I obviously don't know what exists where you are, and maybe you have tried these things already, so I hope I don't make you cross with the suggestion. I just think if you haven't been down that path, it's worth a try, knowing of course there's no guarantees, just another avenue to try.

You've been getting great support here mate, especially from Mark and Croix, and it's no more than you deserve. We all appreciate the acknowledgement of how the forum's helping you. Thank you for telling us.

Hope you're OK today. Keep talking to us mate.

Cheers

Kaz

Hi Kazzl Didn't expect a response back so quick thankyou Kazzl☺

I hope you had a Lovely Christmas and new year.

Thing's today i hope work out i booked into a charity organization for some assistant,see what happens tomorrow, its an anxious wait to see if i get the help im talking about counseling (However i do feel i have received something very special from these great people on this forum) .today i feel some hope and im more possitive,overcome!!.😊

Thanks everyone Jacezz

Hi Croix

Thanks mate,

For some reason today i feel hope, this forum has started to have positive effect on me, i feel the peak off just existing is over, now i going to start living!.

I hope you understand me. Thanks Croix

It's so good to hear you sounding upbeat Jason! Best of luck with the charity - if they can't provide what you need ask them who can. The community support / charity folks are often well conected with each other.

I did have a pretty good Christmas thanks, but I'm glad it's over. Too much hype and commercialism for me. This year will be a new start for me too as I'm hoping to change my work situation (currently unemployed) and go to TAFE. Onwards and upwards for us eh?

Cheers

Kaz

Jase, yes mate, been in the USA on holidays but now back in country. Was an unreal trip that is for sure and really did me well in a self worth sense. Did some travel by myself, went and watched my Seattle Seahawks which was bucket list #1, played in the snow in Detroit, watched some NBA and NHL and took the kids to Disneyland so the last week has been real hectic.

Love that you are going well. Never ever did i think you were hard work because i know what you are going through with the PTSD. Croix says it brilliantly above where he talks about the two Jason's. We can now see that the warrior Jase is overcoming the PTSD Jase and your life is scaling upwards which is massively brilliant.

You have this thing about you, i am not religious in any sense of the word but there is something about you. You have an inner brilliance and an inner goodness to you. The rainbows that you make, wow - again i have to say that putting a smile on a kids face is one of lifes most under rated feelings. You do that. You are one very tough unit i can tell you that. To go through and continue to, one highly resilient person. Much respect.

Also agree with Croix in that it may not be the best idea to take off overseas whilst PTSD Jase is still hanging around. I can tell you honestly that i would not dream of going to the States when PTSD Mark was still well and truly in the fold. Because i waited, it made it so much better.

You feeling hope is gold. Hope is brilliant and to hear you say those magical words, "start living" is giddee up time. In the PTSD world, we exist, post PTSD we grow, PTSD growth where the world opens up and as you have learnt so much about yourself and others, life is so much better. PTSD growth is a marvelous place to live and as stupid as this sounds to some people, i am grateful for what i went through, it made me a better person. I still have work to do but it is looking brighter each day. You are now starting to live and that is a brilliant result.

Great stuff mate.

Mark.

Jase, the key words in your last post for me where the try relaxation techniques. When you are trying them, you are actually teaching yourself. You have to keep going with them. Persist because they work. Find the one that works for you and exploit it.

Awesome that you may have found a place to sleep. Great news!

Mark.

1. Hi Mark Croix Kazz
2. Hope your all well i was off line a bit rin out off data,going through very puzzling time the lady i met in october something has changed i just hope she is being straight with me because its nothing like our friendship used to be its as if someone has told her things like how i old you my grandfather believed i poured petrol over someone and set them on fire my grandmother still believes this is the case my cousin i have him recorded saying its public knowledge its not true i never did that my family wont even tell me when exactly my Opa passed away all they do is go out off there way to discredit meits my cousin his father is the one who did what he did when i was only young boy.think about it if im successful in life im a real threat to them people will listen the shot they say about me upsets me and i know cause they are rich people are easy bought i got to overcome buy getting the hell out and giving myself a chance off a better life elsewhere cause anything good turns to shit and some off my close mates have also paid heavily good people who have been there for me supported me through tough times one is doing long jail term set up one was in detention center no case manager for one year gave up went back to uk lived here for 25 years his boy plays forperth glory junior team and there are more horror stories including myself getting stabbed and no professional help still today my friend wont do video calls anymore and hardly replies i suppose thats what tamps do devide a conquer make up stories and shune you like a outcast not happy chappy
3. Take care regards jason

Jase, I remember a time when i accepted that i cannot control the uncontrollable and it made me much more calm. We cannot control what other people think and say, all we can do is worry about ourselves. This is not to say that we cannot correct people when false information is given of course but if we get wound up what other people are saying it will have a huge effect on us mentally.

Don't get me wrong here, it is certainly not easy to push aside false stories about ourselves but you know within yourself what you have and have not done. If people are spreading nasty stories about you, well they are probably not worth worrying about.

You have come so far in your journey. We can all see that you are a good person. I still marvel at your rainbows and how you put smiles on kids faces, how you have survived an attack, how you have kept fighting against the system and how you keep engaging with us (when you have data!! hate when i run out of it!!).

Keep your chin up mate, remember the journey is a long one with bumps in the road. You have overcome many bumps so far, don't let this one derail you.

Mark.

Hi Jason

You are sounding a bit down - like things are piling up on you again.

Now I won't try to say the facts may not be right, though you may be reading too much into a change in the lady's attitude - easy enough to do.

What I will say is the PTSD tries to get you down so that the things you can normally cope with or forget about become more important then they should and cause you hassles.

Not all turns to shit, you saved Vince, you made the rainbows, you have us as friends. You have others. That's just the start.

Give it a while and things will start to be less of a burden to you

I know the 'warrior' side of Jason can overcome all this crap

Croix

Hiya Jason - how are you today? Like Croix I'm a bit concerned things are tumbling in on you again.

I understand that feeling. I don't have PTSD, I'm bipolar and it happens with me too sometimes where everything, every worry I have and especially things from the past, just pile up in a big heap and I have trouble separating them. Each thing has its own stress on you, but together they're one big heavy bundle of stress and anger and fear.

Both Mark and Croix mentioned the happier things and they are truly worth concentrating on and valuing. It helps me when everything piles up to try to fix my thoughts on good things. Focus as hard as you can on them. Maybe the rest will become smaller if you make the good things bigger in your mind.

Have you seen Vince? How's he getting on? Have you been surfing lately?

Hey - did the charity get back to you? I'm keen to know how that went.

And Jase - I believe you, and I believe in you.

Keep talking to us mate.

Kaz

Hi Kazzl and crew

Went for a wave yesterday very frustrating just cant wait to do an indo surf trip last time was October 2011

My Buddy Vince went to visit him last week but i check up on him twice a week spoke to him today said he is feeling tired alot off the time he still might need bypass

My family so call family is about as low as it gets i really want my grand fathers medals they can have the money they are greedy they need it but they wont even tell me when he exactly passed away i would love to do what he wanted me to do with them and were them for next Anzac day and before my grand mother passes away i would like her to no that her first grandson is not what my family are making me out to be its bad enough to think this is what my grandfather was brainwashed into believing before he passed on but he was still asking for me whilst he lay on his death bed my family told me this months after he passed away its evil what they done and yes that is one thing that can not be corrected and if i cross path with that particular family member who no what will happen i so angry at him i hsve asked him told him to tell my grandmother the truth and what his motive was for saying these things about me i just dont want her to die thinking these things about me my half brother today told me do us all a favour go kill yourself my cousin told me got this on recording do us all a favour and die and he threaten to kill me 3 times all on usb he did not even care i was recording it when i told him he said no one cares your dad died when you was 17 and we dont care that you got stabbed very cold bellow the belt none off my friends can believe the way i been treated should have him charged for threats to kill me and slanda for what he has told my grandparents

Yeah its hard not to think about it then there is ptsd nightmares stab stab anxiety and at time a raging anger

Im just doing my best and hoping its not making me internally ill i will probably drop dead of heart attack i no there is only so much stress our body's can consume

Take cae all regards jason