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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

Topic: Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

  1. Elizabeth CP
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    4 April 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Don't apologise for telling us you were feeling down. That is what the forums are for:to express how we feel & get support & encouragement. If we could manage on our own with no bad days we wouldn't need to be here. Hope you are feeling a bit better now.

    Listen to the cheer squad all cheering you on even when you feel down we all want you to pick yourself up & move forward. Hopefully our encouragement helps. Many of us really care about you.

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Ggrand
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    6 April 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi, Deebi, Tony,Magic,Quirky,Elizabeth,

    Thank you all for your kindness and suggestions..

    I have rang them before but they talk to me like I'm a stranger..Plus eldest changed his number..

    At the moment I don't know...I'm just hurting to much...it just beaks my heart when I remember..

    Karen

    1 person found this helpful
  3. PamelaR
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    6 April 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy

    I found your thread in the last couple of days and I've been meaning to get into 'my threads' so i can keep up with you.

    Haven't posted, but listening!! Not having children makes me feel it's difficult to know what to say. There are so many other wonderful people here Tony WK, ElizabethCP, Deebi, Chicken Wings, Quirkywords providing you with help and support. I'm probably not needed here.

    Doesn't mean I don't care, nor that I don't support you.

    Kindness always to you Karen.💛💚

    Pammy

    1 person found this helpful
  4. monkey_magic
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    7 April 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Karen the night owl,

    I'm in my hotel/ motel room still awake...

    I received ur post on my thread n loved it...

    Drawing on my own or others strength is what I do yes & i highly recommend it to others too.

    Are you OK tonight? I hope you are...night night sweet dreams if u fall asleep....

    Gotto love a colourful sunrise...

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
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    7 April 2018 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hello Magic,

    Im so lucky, because I have big windows in my bedroom and from my bed I can see the sun rising daily, it is really pretty at time, but I do prefer to sit out on my front veranda with a cuppa tea and watch it..

    I hope you finally slept.. Take care of yourself and enjoy yourself, we are always here for you Magic.. I'm very very proud of you. You are one amazing person..

    Love and hugs 🤗

    Karen..

    2 people found this helpful
  6. IsaJett
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    7 April 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Ggrand

    I am just jumping in now..as Im new to forum..but I just wanted to send you my support.

    and give my thoughts. As a mom you did all you could given the situation. I mean living in a car and all that. I think all involve ...your adopted son and your two sons are all very proud of you ...sure it be a shock to the system but its all a beautiful thing...another brother.and for your adopted son...getting to know you now.

    ..I am an only child and I only can wish suddenly maybe there is someone else my mom birthed..lol

    But I am late in this forum and apologise for anything I have missed...but I hope you are in a slightly better position now but would love to hear more from you :-) Keep smiling

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Emmy.
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    25 April 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Karen. Just wanted to let you know i’ve found your other thread too. (I’ve read half of this thread and half your other. I’ll finish them both tomorrow - or today now). I hope you don’t mind me reading them but you’ve been so kind to me, I wanted to get to know you more to offer you better support.

    I’m saddened by all you’ve had to go through in this life. It’s just not fair! I pray that things with your sons improve. Give it time ❤️ I wish only the best for you. You deserve it and so much more. Sending hugs your way. Emmy xx

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Ggrand
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    6 May 2018 in reply to Emmy.

    Hello Isabel and Emmy,

    Thank you both for your kindness.

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Ggrand
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    6 May 2018 in reply to Emmy.

    Hello Tony and Quirky...

    I have re read a lot of this thread, trying to avoid the triggers as much as possible....I'm very emotional, a lot has happened since I started this thread, and the both of you never left my side...I want to thank you very much for staying along side me...

    .I would never have been able to come this far without you both...I would have crumbled and not continued on this journey..

    This week is a very special date coming up.. I'm very emotional even thinking about it.. This will be the very first time ever from his birthday in 1980 until now that I can wish my second son a very happy birthday and he will hear those words coming from me for the very first time... I'm an emotional mess thinking about this day this coming week..

    I wish that I could express my thanks to you both in a more meaningful way. Please both of you check out bouquet thread...I wish there was more I could say or do to thank you both...You have my heartfelt thanks and respect..

    Warm and kind hugs.. 🤗

    Grandy..

    5 people found this helpful
  10. Ggrand
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    28 February 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    About 2 hours ago I just Just a msg through fb that son number 2 wants to cut all ties from his birth family..This has broken my heart...I’m hurting so much...I’m going to loose him again..my heart can’t take this...Why did he look for me to just throw me away..

    1 person found this helpful
  11. demonblaster
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    28 February 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy 🤗

    I'm so incredibly sorry to hear this. How terribly hard for you.

    I'm always here for you darlin

    My heart goes out to you.

    There certainly doesnt seem to be any sense in this.

    Sending love and warmth Grandy ⚘

    1 person found this helpful
  12. quirkywords
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    28 February 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Grandy

    What an awful message to get .I am so sorry. Grandy I am so upset as I know hard you have tried to make him part of your life . It was so hard to have your heart broken once but then to have it broken again is so horrible.

    Do you have any idea of why he wants this or did you see it coming?

    I can feel the pain in your post.

    I wonder is he getting pressure from his adopted family.

    I have a friend who was pregnant when she was 17 and gave the baby up for adoption . In her 50s she looked for her child and at first things went well.

    Then after a few months , her daughter sent my friend’s partner an email and said it was too hard for her to stay in contact with her birth mother because it was causing big problems in her adopted family.

    She is still hoping one day her daughter will contact her again.

    You have helped so many people here and been so honest and compassionate. . I know you are hurting and I am crying for you too. You have worked so hard at getting well .

    I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and make things better.

    I am sending you a big hug . We are all here for you to support and listen.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Lee lee 73
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    1 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy,

    I'm so so terribly sorry to hear this. It makes no sense to me either.

    You're always in my thoughts Grandy.

    Love Lee

    2 people found this helpful
  14. demonblaster
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    2 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy 🤗

    I know you're in such deep pain dear friend. I wish I could say something that'll ease it.

    Know beautiful lady you're always in my thoughts with love and warmth.

    I'm sitting with you and looking after you for as long as you need me sweetyheart. It's ok if you dont want to talk that's entirely your choice.

    Knowing you're hurting... Oh darlin 🤗

    No need to reply just look after yourself honey

    Always love & awyis 🤝 🗯⚘

    💑💜💙👀🤗😚🌈

    💑

    2 people found this helpful
  15. quirkywords
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    2 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Grandy,

    There are so many people who care for you who are thinking of you and looking after you, you have given so much support to others and we are here just like DB.

    Take as much time as you need, we are here for you.

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  16. Ggrand
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    2 March 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Deebi, Quirky, Lee.

    Im sorry I really am..I’m just so messed up inside my head..

    I I deserve it..l done the same to him 39 years ago..I’m a bad horrible person/ mum/ grandma everyone is better off without me in there lives.

    3 people found this helpful
  17. demonblaster
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    2 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Grandy darlin you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about here sweety 🤗

    This is a hard blow, you need time to try and digest what's going on. Was there any reason? Worse been left in the dark. Only answer what you're comfy with lovey and in your own time ok hun

    Please Grandy don't believe people are better off without you that's not true, no way you have so much love compassion and kindness in you. So much more...you're pure quality 💜

    Don't forget hun you can ring MH anytime especially how deep you're in. Please darlin do right by yourself.

    It's awful you hurting so much. It's not fair Grandy you're such a beautiful person 🤗

    You're very well liked cared about and loved here honey please hold on.

    Love you very much dear friend always with you in thoughts and spirit. Pubaok 💙

    💑💜✨🤝😚⚘

    4 people found this helpful
  18. quirkywords
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    2 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    grandy.

    You don’t deserve this. 39 years ago you did not have a choice .

    Your son wanted to find out who his birth family was and you welcomed him and was very honest with despite being anxious. Your son is possibly confused and needs space.

    You are a wonderful mother who sacrificed her own health so she could be there for her children .

    You are hurting so much and I can’t being to imagine your pain

    I do know you have so much to fear people online and In real life.

    Can you get an appointment with your mental health worker, or even go to the hospital if you need to. ?

    Keep posting we are all thinking of you, and we care for you.

    Remembef there is the Beyond Blue suppprt line if you need someone to talk to .

    Sending a hug and all my kind thoughts.

    Quirky

    4 people found this helpful
  19. Lee lee 73
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    3 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Grandy,

    You have nothing to apologise for dear friend. I too know that in no way do you deserve this and agree you did not have a choice all those years ago.

    I'm so sorry you are hurting Grandy. I don't know what to say.....only that I acknowledge your pain my friend. And most importantly, they are "not better off without you" . If only they knew how enriching their lives would be if they truly knew you. You are loved and cared for here by so so many people Grandy. So respected and admired. I You are a loyal and true friend to all of us. I know this may not mean much to you at the moment, understandably, but please know this.

    I'm sitting with you Grandy, next to DB and Quirky. We're here to listen when you feel up to it.

    Please be kind to yourself lovely lady because you deserve it.

    Love Lee

    3 people found this helpful
  20. Ggrand
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    4 March 2019 in reply to Lee lee 73

    Hello Deebi, Quirky, Lee and all.

    Ive been either knocking myself out with sleepers or something I hate doing...self medicating..

    This has knocked me down so far...

    As soon as I received the msg I immediately msged back, but he straight away blocked me....We have been talking now for over a year and a half..laughing,burying, talking and learning about each other...He said in his msg that he is on a roller coaster of emotions and decided that he thinks it’s best that we go our own ways as he just cannot get the feeling of belonging anywhere....I have always loved him in my heart..and he knows that I love him dearly...His decision is making me feel so worthless, abandoned and just so guilty as well as other emotions I can’t understand....the msg before that he said, he loved me, and is very happy that we found each other..their was no indication at all for what he did..im crushed..I just don’t understand. I’ve lost him again as well as his wife and 4 grandchildren...We all got on good together over phone conversations and fb...

    I have his phone number, but out of respect for his wishes I will not ring..believe me it’s hard not to pick up the phone and ask him what’s happened..both my other sons also received the same msg..They are also in shock...I told them to leave him alone...give him time..I am considering writing him a letter and asking him...why and also I’ll tell him that it’s his decision to read or throw away the letter it’s his choice and if I don’t hear from him, I’ll respect his wishes, and as so hard as it will be do..I’ll do what he wants....I only want him to be happy..

    I got to meet him and his family and know that he is alright with a great family...That’s something positive I suppose...but it’s continually eating away at me...I so much wanted a good relation with him. but I understand I gave away my rights to do that 39 years ago. I am his birth mum, yes but not his mum. I never raised him...I am trying hard to accept his decision..but I’m hurting so much..he is a man now, and he has decided...I cannot make him want to be a part of my life if he doesn’t want to be...I tried so darn hard to...Sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever, so I don’t hurt or cry anymore...I’m tied of not being able to live in peace...tied of my life.....tied of trying to find some happiness...and so tired of being alone with no one here with me...it’s just so hard..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

    3 people found this helpful
  21. demonblaster
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    4 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Beautiful friend 🤗 hi everyone

    I've been thinking and feeling so deeply for your pain with this and still feel so very sad for you having to go through this on top of everything else. It's just so unfair darlin lady

    Grandy our dear gentle tender Quirky suggested..maybe he's confused.

    I was going to suggest writing a letter I'm so glad you're thinking to do this as it also could help greatly to shed some of the pain expressing.

    It's incredibly sad hearing someone so beautiful like you wanting to sleep only and not have to feel this cruel pain, you have so much and I know you know but remember please sweetyheart you also have a great deal of care and deep love too. You touch many lives

    My thoughts through parts I've read and reading similar situations here actually I think you mentioned once to Sadgina along the lines of kids having their minds made up without knowing all the facts which you protected them from. I hope you can release at least a little of your pain knowing this and as much as you don't believe it you are absolutely worthy of nothing but pure love.

    As you havent till now may I suggest to continue not to give up on this relationship, in time he may see things differently especially that he said he loves you that's Gold Grandy and you have a good relationship with his wife and your grandies. So pleased and in time they may help him see differently.

    Also never Grandy give up on yourself, you're an incredible friend and inspiration to so many people. You have a heart of Gold and love, we.. everyone whether they realise or not need you.. I know I do hun 🤗

    Love you so very much dear Grandy. I really am so sorry for your pain you're always in my 🗯 pubaok honey awyis 😚☺

    💑💜💙✨⚘🐕🌈

    3 people found this helpful
  22. Keypi
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    4 March 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi Grandy,

    I am so very sorry this has happened and your son has pulled back like that so suddenly. I can only imagine the pain your in. But just remember there are many people here who love and care for you. You would be missed greatly and even in this short time I've known you your kind and caring words have had an impact on me in such a way that I can not describe, but I will say that you have helped me more than you know.

    So now it is our turn to be here and help you :) I know it hurts and you just want the pain to stop I do feel the same way in that I wish sometimes I could go to sleep and never wake up. But that is not how we do things!

    I know you have more fight left in you and we will all get through this just hold on hour to hour if you have to and never forget there are people who you can talk to and you are never alone!

    Please be safe and be kind to yourself, many warm hugs from me to you 💜

    Keypi :)

    2 people found this helpful
  23. Tess2
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    4 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy,

    how very sad I am to read that this has happened to you. This is very heartbreaking. But you do not deserve this, please try not to believe that. You are not to blame. All those years ago you made what you thought at the time was the best decision under the circumstances. He had a family and grew up under other influences. And you do not know what has caused him to make this decision. I think he let you know this in a not very nice way, a Facebook message. So he is not at this time ready to talk to you about this. So give him the peace he needs right now, but never give up hope. He has said that he loves you, try to stay focussed on that and give him time.

    I am thinking of you in this sadness and trying to comfort you.

    You are one of the kindest people here and support others through their troubles. Try to lean on us for your support and reassurance now

    love tess

    3 people found this helpful
  24. Tamw
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    4 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand
    Hi there I don’t want my post to sound harsh, I’m just going to be honest with you. I was adopted 41 years ago and for 41 years I’ve had a broken heart. Being adopted is horrible. You go through life feeling rejected and alone. Your son needs you in his life. You gave him up for adoption, he didn’t ask to be born. I’m so sorry but I’m speaking as an adopted person. It’s no longer about you. You need to reconnect with the child you gave away and help him find peace in his heart. Good luck xx
  25. Tess2
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    4 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy,

    as you may remember I was adopted and do not agree with the view expressed by Tamw. I am not denying her experience but it was not that way for me. I had a wonderful family who loved me so very much and a wonderful childhood. An an adopted brother who has really come through for me in the last few years. At the age of 32 I found my birth family, mother and father and their families. It is a long story. But I loved them too my birth parents have both now died, just this year my birth mother. I am left with nine siblings from their marriages. Two of those are full sisters. I regret nothing. The love I have for my mum and my birth mum are different and not in competition. I am not saying that I didn’t go through some issues in the first years, but that was related to the shock of having had three full siblings and that my parents had married. I don’t regret being adopted , not one minute and neither do I regret finding my family. I am very close to my two sisters and see all of them even though they are in another state. I am a,so close to my mothers second family and my fathers .

    So never give up hope. It is challenging for the adopted child, but not all experiences of adoption are terrible.

    Just be there when he is ready. We are all ready in different times.

    love tess

    4 people found this helpful
  26. Ggrand
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    4 March 2019 in reply to Tamw

    Hello Tamw,

    Im really sorry, that your struggling so much with being adopted...

    No it’s not about me...it’s about my son....I am sorry if I have hurt you in any way...

    My son has said he loves his parents, they were hard on him but he has a lot of love for them...and has a sister who was also adopted and they are both very close to each other as well as their parents...

    Just knowing now that he might have been feeling rejected and lonely all his life is so very sad...I have apologised to him, and I know sorry really isn’t enough....but deep in my heart I am sorry...

    I won’t give up trying to connect again with him because I do love him..a lot..

    Kind thoughts ,

    Grandy...

    4 people found this helpful
  27. demonblaster
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    5 March 2019 in reply to Tamw

    Tamw hi

    I just want to say Grandy is one of the most loving kind compassionate selfless people I know.

    She has been busting a gut to try and reconnect with her son. Sorry this too may sound harsh and Im being honest as well but same as you not out of spite but you dont know her story and it was him that recently broke contact off not Grandy, shes completely shattered.

    I'm not saying saying this to have bad vibes with you but it needed to be said.

    I'm adopted and was very lucky with my parents and dont feel that way at all not to take away your feelings just different folk different circumstances.

    Thanks for listening.

    4 people found this helpful
  28. demonblaster
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    5 March 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Addit

    Imo it is also very much about the birth mother, I feel if its hurting them their situation must have been very hard to need to take that option. It means they love the child, it'd rip a mother too.

    I've wondered why I was but consider myself very lucky with my beautiful parents. There are so many possibilities to their reasons and circumstances.

    3 people found this helpful
  29. Lee lee 73
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    5 March 2019 in reply to Tamw

    Tamw

    I second what Demonblaster has said....Grandy is the most loving kind compassionate person I know.

    I'm sure if you read this thread in its entirity, you would agree.

    You don't know her story, just like we don't know yours. I hope you find peace in your heart.

    2 people found this helpful
  30. Ggrand
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    5 March 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi, Lee, and all,

    Im at a loss for words as to what to say to the both of you..😢..

    I need to thank you for your beautiful words that you have described me with...but thank you Just isn’t enough to show my gratitude of having such amazingly wonderful and beautiful friends...here on BB....

    My words have run away...Is it okay if I come back later to talk some more...right now too many tears are falling..

    Much love to you both, my respect and gratitude is so high for you...

    Love and hugs 💜🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼...

    3 people found this helpful

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