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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Topic: Alone..Depressed..Sad..

  1. Ggrand
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    13 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Thank you so much Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

    Love you..💖 bbff

    When I remember about these two weeks..I cry

    Im okay so please don’t worry going to bed now.

    I hope you all sleep good,

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

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  2. Paw Prints
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    13 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy,

    Be gentle with yourself lass. You are home now, but it will take time for you to settle after such a big two weeks.

    Sending you a biggily huggily hug

    Paws

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  3. demonblaster
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    13 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Thanks sweety Grandy 🤗 you're very welcome. Hi everyone ☺

    Poor love. You sure have been over the coals.

    It's I think normal that we think about pain. I guess it's how we process it and try to come to terms or understand it all.

    I'm really thinking you're doing the right thing by getting as much sleep as you can for now for rebuilding strength. Hoping you're eating well and drinking water lovely and of course your cuppa teas you so love.

    Difficult very I know. Wonder if you're able to think as little as po till you feel stronger Grandz. Sweetyheart keep the positives in there too. I'm finding I swap and change the 3 positives. If I'm going down I'm these days thinking Rock, love rock formations like sheer cliffs 3 sisters the apostles etc...stars people I love you included.

    You might like as a guide.. Stars Betty & us & Mumjo deer fawn etc

    Good suggest from Tess or Paws to focus on the good bits of the trip too.

    I think later it needs to be thought through. I'm trusting you saying you're ok but I know you're not but know what you mean. Hold onto ok Grandz honey but if you do feel you're sliding, remember you can get back out and up. Stern self talk & keep in mind sweetylove where we're going 🤝.. to a better place 🕊😀

    Wish I could be there for you but always know I'm just a keyboard tap away. You're always strong in my 🗯

    You did incredibly well there for 2 hard wks you put your pain aside to be there for your boys. Only a loving beautiful courageous soul does that dear lady 💜

    Roight beeudifull I have the theme sorted. Some noted but mostly in my head for your 🎁. Won't be far off lovely. Just a few more.. aha.. not tellin 😀 Yous a gunna larvvvv it 🎵 ...even more than now...🎵 when you see it ..oh Grandz it'll transport you away to a 🦄 sanctuary that you can go to anytime for complete 🕊 and freedom. 🤔 Hymmm wonder what's in the box 😄

    We always look back on yesterday

    with tomorrow yet to unfold..

    we can path our way with beauty ⚘

    to make.. a better day 🤝🌅🕊

    Ok sweetyheart..tucking you in..there we go.. the special candles lit.

    I've left some 🍫 and 🌈 on your blanky & a touch of lavender in your candle to calm & sooth your beautiful soul 💖

    The little insy fairies are giving you such a soft gentle head hair & neck massage... annnd... off to sleep you peacefully drift 😴...there you go ..nice warm and relaxed..ahhh

    Night night darlin. 👀 u tomorrow precious 😚🌄⚘🕊

    Love you 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫👀🗯🤗

    Nigh nite lovely people ☺

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  4. Peppermintbach
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    14 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

    You’re home now...that’s all that matters...

    I feel everything else will eventually fall back in place (in time).

    Gentle and easy does it, lovely one.

    Love and hugs,

    Peppy xoxo

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  5. Ggrand
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    14 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Peppy and all.

    Thank you.

    I got to the large portion of the closed road about half hour after it opened...The speed limited was 30 klm/hr...The snow ⛄️ plough was 3 in front of me.

    I have never seen snow so thick before..the highway runs flat with the landscape at times as well as over the top of mountains...On top of the mountains overlooking the mountains and valley below was an absolutely beautiful sight...The mountains were all pure while with green gum trees sticking out, and they valleys had some spots brown from the rocky terrain and dried out grass...The flat area when I came to them was so pretty with snow sitting on the gum leaves and branches, some other different types of trees, pines, willows etc..had bits of snow on their leaves that made them droop...Kangaroos we’re standing up looking at the traffic...Cows were grazing on the grass under the snow...Some cows looked funny as there legs were sunken into the snow....ooops a car nipped behind me..I just had to stop to take a better look....I wished I could have pulled over to stop, but no where to park the car safely as the snow plough was scraping the snow off the road and it was built up on the roads edge...I felt peaceful while I travelled along that stretch of road...around an hour or so...The snow was around three feet think in places....lol I saw a giant snowball...a snowman ⛄️ I imagine now the fun someone must have had making him/her...Nature really is beautiful.

    I just wanted to share that with you all, and write it down before I forget.

    My hubby is resting about half hour from my youngest sons house...it was his anniversary for passing last Saturday..his wishes were to be with his mum, dad and sister....My ys asked me if I wanted to visit him...I said no...I feel bad now that I didn’t..but at the time I couldn’t..Thinking now I should have.

    Today I need to clean up...MHN and WW is coming to mine tomorrow..I have to have a clean house.

    I hope everyone is okay and having a lovely day.

    Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩... Love you dearest bbff...I’ll be okay..trying to focus on the goods and not the bads I feel about me...hard...I’ve learnt so much from you and the other beautiful people here.

    My sons are men..strange how a mum always think their children are still little, I have to remember they are not...They are set in there own ways..I cannot change that...My eldest is once again ignoring my msgs...that’s his choice not mine.Im here for him if he wants me.

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

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  6. Paw Prints
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    14 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy,

    Wow your drive over the mountains sounds so lovely. You really do have a knack for painting pictures with words.

    As you settle in back home lass, remember to do yourself little acts of self kindness, like giving yourself time to sit outside looking at your favourite tree or playing with your furs & bubbles or watching all the myriad of creatures in your garden.

    Be gentle with yourself.

    Hugs

    Paws

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  7. demonblaster
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    14 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hey 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺👋

    That sounded so beautiful Grandz thanks for sharing and a great memory for you. Maybe in a grounding box or your scrapbook you could note or on your IPad page number to read over when you need. You worded it absolutely beautifully. Nature is mindblowing. We scored majorly landing on Earth. Loved that and felt it.

    Poor love feeling bad not visiting hubby 🤗. I think you were very wise not going at that time especially. Not going doesn't alter your love sweety. That stays lodged in your heart. You're such a dear lady 🤗 He's tucked away in your thoughts and heart darlin. You weren't disrespecting.

    Good they're coming tomoz. I know you like a clean house darlin just please be careful not to push your beautiful heart too much and easy on the bod sweety. Jeepers I paid richly for doing some big windows and screens with a broom. Ouch but coming better. Hasn't affected me like that before. You'd think I did a few rounds in a ring. Hope I won! Glad to have worked out why that pain 😆 there's a few similar but op related. Oh the joys of healing

    You've come SO incredibly far Grandy love. You're amazing.

    Love you too dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

    We'll get there honey we've just gotta keep 🤝 holding on. Ditto never letting go of you either beautiful lady ever 😊😗🤗

    So nice being around such amazing people here. Hold on loves we can get this.

    💜💗👀

    Thanks and Paws for beautiful posts elsewhere 😊

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  8. Tess2
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    14 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy,

    well done on getting home in spite of the conditions. You did amazingly well to be away two weeks and in your old family home too. I am sure you made the right decision for you in not going to the grave.

    Well now settle in and be comfy at home with your little buddies. I think of you

    tess

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  9. demonblaster
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    15 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & everyone 👋

    Hey darlin just plonking down on the lounge right next to you, arm around you and gently putting your head on my shoulder. There you go sweety. You're going to be ok honey.

    You're in my 🗯 often daily beautiful friend 💜 If you feel like talking please do if not I'll just continue patting your back softly.

    I'll see if Ebony will make a cuppa tea or a 🍷or bit of both maybe.

    Please don't feel pressured to respond to this sweetyheart I just don't want you to close up because I'm struggling. Slowly on improve honeyheart. Please darlin your MH is important too and you went through really hard stuff.

    How are you Grandy?

    Today the plans were ww and mhn. Hope you were able to offload some to them. Can be hard to say at times and I know theres parts you dont want them knowing which is your choice. Maybe in time with more trust you may open up more or not I just hope they're helpful to you and kind which they do sound nice and glad you like them is a good start.

    Grandy my hope is they keep in touch with you more regularly like before, it seems to be half hearted not calling daily for longer.

    I looked at the rough copy of notes for your 🎁 beautiful, was good distraction. I was seeing what needed to be changed which was helpful but also downing a bit so moved on but rest assured its in good hands. Just a little behind schedule but something to look forward to.

    I really hope you're doing as well as can be expected well better actually.

    Feel good being home sweety? ☺

    Hopefully you'll catch up with lovely Betty soon for some cccc company cake cuppa and chat.

    Care and love you so much Mrs beautiful Grandy. PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg wiwwyirl2🤗

    Please be sure to eat good meals for the right energy and get as much rest as you can beautiful heart.

    You're an amazing friend. Thank you Grandy Floss ☺😚🤗👩‍❤️‍👩🕊⚘🤝💜

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  10. Paw Prints
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    16 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy,

    You have had a stressful day today with your visitors, so snuggle up with your furs & play some soothing nature sounds & let yourself slowly float away to sleep like an Autumn leaf drifting down to settle on the forest floor.

    I will sit here by you & try and gather some of this moonlight & weave it into a beautifully soft piece of cloth for you to cover your pillows with.

    Hugs

    Paws

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  11. Ggrand
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    17 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws 🐾 and everyone 🤗..

    Thank you for you you lovely posts..

    I am feeling a little better today... I have been sleeping so much the past week...

    MHN and WW came yesterday...talked about how I am feeling now I’m back home, and a few things about my trip..Twice now WW chuckled a bit when I said something...once on our way home from cardiologist and yesterday when mhn asked if I went out to the shops with my ys...I told them I did once and we got separated and I panicked...(I couldn’t hold back my 😢 or the fear of being in a huge shopping centre with hundreds of strange people around the noise just echoing in my brain)..she made me feel hopeless, stupid, embarrassed about it...It hurt me deeply..Deebi..she’s nice and hugs me each time I see her, why would she laugh at me...idk am I too sensitive, I don’t think she meant to, but hurts none the less..she is picking me up Wednesday to go to mhn office in my bigger town, where now she is working from permanently....I hope she stays here...I’m comfortable with her...

    My dil rang me yesterday afternoon to tell me my youngest son had an accident at work, 400kilo piece of steel fell on his foot...I got so scared for him...She rang me early this morning that after they got his shoe off, he has no breaks, just massive bruising..his safety boot saved his toes which are bruised and the toe nails will have to come off.....he was so lucky...I packed by bags last night ready to go back down, dil rang me today to say that he is okay after a long induced sleep...he is now back home and resting..I don’t need to go back down she can manage fine and will keep me updated on his progress....

    Deebi...My ys gave me heaps of sandpaper for my stick...I’m going to sit outside one day soon and start on it again..I’m thinking nail polish enamel for the decals? Then a few coats of clear paint on top...what do you think ?...

    I hope your all doing better then okay...and have some peace in your beautiful souls...

    Love you dearest bbff Deebi 💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.....🌜🐻🤗🌛..

    Love and hugs everyone 💖🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🤝🤝🤝🤝 🐉🔥 🌹 🙋🏻‍♀️

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  12. demonblaster
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    17 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

    So often when I listen to you beautiful I just want to wrap you in my wings 🤗💜

    This will if you're anything like me darlin just sound like words although I know it to be true it still really hurts me to deeply when people laugh at something like that. Would it put them out too much to explain why they're laughing. Hurts a lot. No I dont think you're being too sensitive. From my past perspective yes some people genuinely aren't laughing at us but there are so many people that really do think they're better or that we're stupid. Swearing not allowed so I won't. Often I've retaliated and made a donk of myself but also caught some out. Gutless too when it comes down to it

    In her case being lovely to you it sounds that she likes you, who wouldn't. Possibly an unrelated memory. Maybe one day you could ask what's funny. I know that'd be hard but maybe down the track sweety 🤗

    Jeepers your poor son, that sounds excrutiating. Thats not far off half a tonne. Poor guy. Good on dil ringing you and you being ready at an instant. You're a gem Grandz you really are.

    So good hearing from you. I know you're struggling when you're not around or quieter. I'd love to nag you to see how you are 😂 but we're not allowed 😆

    If you felt strength and comfort from every time I think of you Hercules would be scared of you precious.

    Found here on fb,Posted not long ago. Glad another outlet for it. Needs as much support as po I reckon cause of what they do for us all.

    Is it the mhn or ww that you hope stays here I think the mhn. So glad hearing that you like her. Good ww taking you. You write well hun truth, tbh it's me not fully on the planet yet 🙃

    Oh doesnt it sap you of energy. I'm glad you've been sleeping a lot. We know what healing there is in enough solid sleep, takes an age catching up and with your heart and meds you need as much as po. If I went the meds he offered (others) would be same Grandy very heavy sedative I think.

    I worry about your Golden heart esp in stress. Please do as they say to hospital if any thing strange happens. Really really love and need you so much Grandz. Good thing I dont put much pressure on 😆😉

    Yes I thought a great idea using nail polish sorry may not have said. And the brush could be small enough to do your pics and words is an awesome idea. Sounds neat. Are you going to use dif colours. Hey I'm going to sand 2 SO comfy & nice chairs stain & varnish eventually. Were free.

    .🌱⚘

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  13. Ggrand
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    17 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

    MHN...was only 2 days per week..now permanent 5 days a week.....again she has to travel from the next major town daily, I hope it’s doesn’t get too much for her...

    My dil sent me a picture of his shoe..where the steel tip is on the front is has broken away from his shoe....Oh ys has always been accident prone...He rang me not long ago and he sounds okay..

    Thank you saying I’m not to sensitive, that meant a lot to me..(reasons)....mhn heard her, so I’m hoping she said something to her....

    I have been meds to sleep as much as I can day and night....today I didn’t after last nights phone call from dil, I really thought about what I have been doing and will try to sleep in routine from now on...

    Deebi...I would love for you to wrap me in your wings..when I listened to those words..they made me feel your love and care for me...Thank you so much 💖..At times a hug/cuddle is what we need to warm our soul and is so much more healing then anything else in this world...🤗💖🤝.

    I will Deebi...I promise..since the increase in my heart meds, it’s settled down a lot..just occasionally feeling somersaults in their......Now I need to stop the smokes again...I will soon...

    Different colours..I’m going to try and find the colours of you avatar for smiley faces...Nail Polish is cheap and comes in many colours now...Cool we can sand together...big job doing the chairs...maybe a nice piece of your art work on the arms or back of chair before you varnish...wow that would look amazing if you could...

    I rang Betty today...I rang her number and said hello Betty..she said I have the wrong number, theirs no Betty living here...silly me I called her by this name and not her real name....😂😂..I rang her back and she didn’t know it was me..so I said nothing😂😂..

    Hercules...Keven Sorbo...I watched always when younger, I have the complete set of the all series...We could join forces with him and scare beasty away...

    How are you feeling? Deebi and all...I hope this beautiful warm weather today has brightened you all up a little with some light in your day...

    Oh I give you permission to nag me all you want to beautiful friend 😂😂..you always warm my heart with your words...as everyone does..beautiful friends are to be treasured.

    A special deep sss love for you Deebi...pubaok, awyis, yadimh...Please be okay...always..like you bbff..I need to as well..

    Love and caring hugs everyone..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🤝🤝🌹...

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  14. demonblaster
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    17 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hey darlin 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other good people 👋

    I was thinking the same thing exactly actually Grandz that the mhn I hoped heard it and that she may pull her up on it.

    Oh same I really hope she stays you've had such a time of trying to get onto steady help. So much want you to have as much support as possible bbff

    I know how it is to be on the receiving end of being laughed at honey, worse if we think we're worthless stupid and inferior. As I've said to friends at times yes I'd be wrong but not all the time, most don't bother hiding the fact they're downing someone.

    😂 classic ringing Betty. I reckon she wouldnt have been fazed and would see the funny side of you asking for Betty. She sounds like a solid friend from things you've said.

    Good idea about the chair I considered that although I might have a fiddle it takes ages to do a piccy maybe I could do one laminate then stick on. Cause I have to go over the wobbly lines a lot to get the spacing perfect. There's not a great deal of wood or thickness and I too was thinking of you when I'll be doing it 🤝 that's two projects we're doing. Love you've included me with your stick 😚🤗 Yes it's cheap nail polish how neaties and my Avatar colours thats so cool Grandz. Oh was thinking the background colour will well its up to you but I was going to say need to not clash with whatever colour you emoji and word maybe a very soft colour. You have to be happy with it all gorgeous cause it'll be your bbff. Does it have much width Grandz.

    Oh so Kevin Sorbos (to check it was him when I typed his name it said Sorbet 😄) been Hercules for a while (careful Deebi 😆). Bit yummy isnt he. Hope he's as nice as he portrays. Good believable actor, a lot of the muscle names are shockers imo but I still love the action.

    Good girl re meds. I hope you can off the smokes again soon, you've been amazing with me but Grandy I'm thinking of your heart sweety 😍 and the longer on the harder it becomes.

    Can I ask were you meds in day to be away from the pain or to catch up sleep or both. I worry about you Grandy. Breaks my 💜 that we can't be in rl,🌱⚘,😭

    So nice you felt the love, it's always there beautiful friend. You too you say such comforting things. Mean it, some stuff I think and think about.

    Haha cool Green light to nag 😄 thank yee oh lovely one.

    I'm getting there thanks darl sleeping + +. Pretty yuk in morning.

    Love you big time treasure Grandy

    🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🦄🌈👁🌱⚘👁👼

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  15. Ggrand
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    18 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and all🤗..

    I hope she (mhn) stays as well...it takes a long time to put my trust into someone...and I’m beginning to able too in most things...WW taking me to mhn office on Wednesday...

    I have only a few smokes left, when I finish I’ll try hard to not buy anymore...I was feeling better without them...I really need to stop, I have cardiologist visits 2 days in a row, must be some kind of tests being done....yucky..

    Um Deebi...I hope I’m not going to disappoint you or any others..I was day sleeping because I didn’t want to hurt anymore...it’s a living hell when no matter how much tears come out the pain doesn’t stop....and I was afraid of what my mind was telling me...I’m managing better although one minute I’m okay, then I’m not...

    I follow Keven Sorbo on fb...Deebi..he is a very kind person in r/l....

    I hope you’re okay everyone...and had a good weekend..

    Deebi..I’ll pop over yours soon to check on you..love you muchly, and biggly..bbff...💖💖🤝🤝🐻🤗.

    Love and caring hugs everyone..💖🤗🤗.

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼🤝🤝🐉🔥🌜🌹🌛

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  16. Peppermintbach
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    19 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

    I think it’s beautiful that you’re slowly building trust and rapport with your visiting MH team. Reading that put a smile on my face :)

    Lovely one, of course you’re not disappointing anyone. Sometimes we just need to take breaks and rest more if we’re struggling. It’s okay, we understand...

    I think you’re being very brave, especially lately. I wonder if maybe the somewhat erratic moods has to do with how your heart and brain are learning to adapt to/process all the recent changes...hopefully, once you’ve settled into your new routine at home e.g. reconnect more often with Betty and get used to WW and your MHN that things will maybe settle...

    Thanks for being the wonderfully caring person you are...

    Love and care,

    Peppy xoxo

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  17. demonblaster
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    19 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand
    Sweety Grandz 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

    Pleased they're keeping tabs and looking further into tests for your beautiful heart. Must be nice for them seeing a Golden heart 💜
    So the tests are yukky are they lovey? I'll be there distracting you. I went to heaps of tests and ops with my love.

    So Weds to MHN, so good isnt it to have someone we feel comfy with esp when it's dealing with MH. Some are just bang on same as my fella.

    Yes there's a definate improve in health giving up smokes. I completely understand where you're at getting them though. So exy which is good I feel to get us off them. It's working apparently. Should be illegal they're so bad for us. Any chance of buying one of ya 😄.. haven't had any this time but plenty of not screaming craves this episode cause the mania was milder but plenty of craves pretty much only in BP.
    So many ways it's worth being off them. Money health dependancy stinky etc. Good luck darlin, you can do it 🤝

    Completely understand exactly what you're saying about living hell with the mind at a constant downing us. The pits isn't it.
    No hun never disappointed just want you to be free of pain and know happiness. It's sadly not an overnight thing but fantastic you really are making ground.

    Good hearing hes a nice person Kevin Sorbo, he comes across that way like its natural.

    Thanks for you beautiful post at mine, they always are 💗

    It amazes me that you don't understand anger you beautiful pure kind hearted soul.
    My wings are around you too gorgeous friend. Love you so deeply always will you're such a treasure.

    I'm going bed shortly hun, ages to go yet! Had to have meds for bot again.

    A besty going flicks tomoz. Although I dont like them and they knock me silly & add to tiredness at least I'll be able to sit free of pain if need be.
    Wow Grandz the armpit ones ouch on occasion but pretty easy. Not this one though crikey. Sorry sooky lala lately its just all happening in a cluster and struggling hard.

    Thanks for being such a beautiful person you are. Love you biggly sweetyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱💗🍫🤝👼🦋🌈

    Oh oh 😅. sorry delay with your 🎁.. certain conditions have slowed progress 😅 BUT ...just know sweetyheart in a singy voice 🎵 yous a gunna larrvvv it 🎵 even more than you do without knowing yet what it is 🤗😚

    Sleep well darlin. Hope you went very easy on the section of lawn.

    Nigh nite beautiful 😚 and all other beautifuls here 🤗☺ ⚘

    👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🦋🌈🎁👼🤝🤗😚🍫
    2 people found this helpful
  18. Paw Prints
    Paw Prints avatar
    261 posts
    20 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy,

    Lass you truly are a wonderful mum. I'm not just saying that to be kind. These last few weeks you have put yourself through the wringer to be there for your boys. Then you finally get home & you hear your youngest has been hurt & you pack ready to go back if you're needed. Your love shines through every word. I really hope they realise how blessed they are to have you.

    It sounds like you are finally getting the support you need, yay! I'm so pleased for you lass that your mhn is now daily & that you feel comfortable with her. It does make a difference not having to battle beasty alone in rl.

    I'm sorry I haven't been here for you these past few days, I was having a brain fog & the words weren't working. I was still thinking of you & reading yours.

    Remember to be kind to yourself.

    Huggiest hugs

    Paws

    2 people found this helpful
  19. demonblaster
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    21 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Our beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi all 👋

    Paws you have a beautiful heart 🤗 I completely agree with her lovely post.

    I know you said you felt a little better in a recent post. I hope you're still improving beautiful lady 🤗

    So how's today going for you.

    You have your ww taking you to mhn today which is good. I didn't click that as someone said you now have mhn 5 days? I was thinking she's got 5 days work now. Hope you do have her 5 days a wk.

    Hope its good for you getting out of the house for a bit although I really understand you're feeling safe there which is both good and not I think, seeing how easy it is to disconnect from the world.

    I've been thinking about your stick lovely one and absolutely nothing to report 😄 just that I can picture it. What a fantastic idea. It'll be your good memory 'happy stick'.

    I see different movies on TV and think oh Grandy would love that but often its been on cause might be recorded stuff a few days or more ago.

    Hope your bodies ok from doing that little I hope ( hands on hips my gorgeous) section of lawns. Maybe a goat could be a go or cow cause they're pretty cruisy and be nice company too.

    Love you so very much beautiful friend BPaly sweety, awyip absolutely. What gets me is yes hope but lifes so short, times being wasted.

    Please u b Aok yadimh lysvm 🤗😚

    👩‍❤️‍👩💜👼🤝🗯🐶🦄

    3 people found this helpful
  20. Ggrand
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    21 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩! Peppy 🍀, Paws 🐾 and everyone 🤗..

    Thank you for your beautiful posts...Awe Paws...I’m sorry you’ve had brain fog...it’s awful when that happens..I hope your feeling better soon....and really Paws please don’t apologise...You’re a beautiful person....please look after you💖..Thank you Peppy saying I didn’t disappoint you...I like both WW and MHN...I’m a little apprehensive to get to close in case one or both leave the area...although WW lives only 10-15 minutes from mine...

    WW picked me up a bit late today as she has another 2 participants that she works with..that was okay as I know how busy she gets...I saw my mhn today, we talked about why I haven’t been to my volunteer job since I’ve been back...it’s just that atm I am not coping being around people...and want to be alone...Isolating myself is not good she said..but I feel safe away from people...mhn said the longer I do isolate myself the harder it is to get out into public places....and around people.....She is ringing me tomorrow..and WW is coming tomorrow to check up on me...and give me some of those styrofoam boxes so I can plant some lettuce, spinach, etc in them for summer.....

    Deebi...Oops sorry if I wrote wrong..mhn is permanent in the same town I do volunteer at..I see her when she wants or can..maybe once weekly...

    Im doing okay...I did a bit of sanding today...I wish I could put a battery in my arm to help me😀...slowly 🐌 I’ll get their..Betty bought me a crystal making set from Vinnies yesterday..it looks complicated making the crystals..it’s something I will try later...

    I didn’t mow much lawn..so very upset that my lawn mower broke down..it won’t start again...I’m going to have to get outside and do it manually with some garden shears...especially the higher spots...until I can afford to get it fixed....

    I love those miniature goats 🐐 but too hard to care for, they eat everything and are good at escaping....Betty said I can borrow her mower but I would prefer not to..hers is a new one....

    I hope everyone is doing okay today..🤗..

    How are you feeling dear Deebi?..Love you very much..sss..awyis..yadimh..💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🔥💜🐻🤗....where their a will theirs a way...😘..not giving up..thinking hat 🎩 on..

    Love and caring hugs beautiful friends..💖🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🌜🤝👀🌛..

    3 people found this helpful
  21. demonblaster
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    23 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand
    Hey Mrs bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 🖐

    Dear Grandz 🤗 it is hard isn't it that if you get attached to some one when they leave. I think sweety good to keep that in the back of your mind and for now absorb the care and friendship, it fills the heart and gives you good memories. I really hope they stay around.

    Mhn sounds very good. You dear darling as much as I like being around people I now completely understand how easy and why people coccoon.
    Sweetyheart this is easy for me to say I know and god knows you went through so much recently 🤗
    I hope in the near future you can get back to the volunteer work and darts too because it's true the longer we're away. It also worries me for you with how you're affected being around people that eventually when you have to be if you're not in a people routine it could be even more stressful. Though I think you'd need that space for a bit to recoop from the recent away but suggest not too long.

    Cool the styrofoam boxes. We definately need things to do and you seem to be keen on garden and nature.

    Sweetylove I'm sorry that'd be a blow with the lawnmower. Could the spark plug need a clean? Might be some dirt. The contact part might need a bit of a polish.
    Yes I'd be wary of using someone's when it's new too. What about asking Mrs Cranky if you could use hers lovey.
    Please Grandz if you use the shears take it easy, awesome the heart meds are helping but you still have to take things steady.

    It takes time to teach new muscles to move to the groove, glad you did some sanding. Funny I just spotted some sanding paper at home so I might start on the chairs and get the varnish & stain when I can.

    I'm SO excited about your crystal making set 😀 can you please thank Betty cause I'd like to help you with them if that's ok love. You're smart Grandy you'll be fine. Please let us know how you go. What an excellent gift. Onya Betty boo 💗might make her a blanky but first things first eh gorgeous, gotta do the finishing touches on the 🎁 for my bbff 😚

    Thanks SO much for your uplifting beautiful posts at mine. You've no idea what a treat you are. Thank you special bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 friend 😀oh yeah there's a will ,🎩

    Grandz time really is our friend. It takes us away from hardship & brings on change.
    We WILL make it. We have eachothers strength friendship love & support & from beautiful people here at bb. We're 💪 enough, moreso united 🤝

    Love you very much dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜
    3 people found this helpful
  22. Paw Prints
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    261 posts
    23 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Grandy,

    What a **bleep** your lawn mower throwing a hissy fit & refusing to work.... Not what you need lass.... Please consider taking up Betty's offer to use her mower.....pleeease..... I really worry at the thought of you trying to manage with garden shears..... you don't want to stress your heart.

    The miniature goats 🐐 are a lovely idea, though you're right they would be a handful to manage & I'm sure if I got them they would eat everything but the grass.😄

    Importantly how are you doing lass? ..... I hope you are being kind to yourself & not listening to horrid beasty..... Now I'm putting my mother hen hat on lass & reminding you ..... that you need to eat ......you need to keep your fluids up......you need your sleep..... also (while I'm in full feather mode) you need to play with your furs 🐶🐶. As we both know our furs are the bestest medicine there is.

    Biggliest hugs

    Paws

    3 people found this helpful
  23. demonblaster
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    23 August 2019 in reply to Paw Prints

    😅 Go the feathers! ☺ you're a sweety Paws 🤗

    Hey Grandy loo 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜

    3 people found this helpful
  24. Ggrand
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    24 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paw 🐾 and all👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

    Just checking in here....I wrote a post earlier this afternoon..not landed yet...

    Hoping your all okay..

    Love bbff...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💖.

    Love and hugs everyone 💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👼🦄.

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝👀

    2 people found this helpful
  25. Tess2
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    330 posts
    24 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Take care dear lady,

    you don’t have to say much at all, it it is good to know you are ok, well ok enough

    tess

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Ggrand
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    25 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tess and everyone 🤗..

    Its okay I must have said something wrong...or it got lost after email...

    Deebi Thank you..I checked the spark plug, cleaned it and it works now....

    Love you bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💖..

    love and hugs everyone💖🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝👀..

    3 people found this helpful
  27. demonblaster
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    25 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi gorgeous Grandy 🤗 and all 🖐

    Cool so glad its working now. I started my aporentice lawnmower because I was so impressed with your skills.

    Take it easy gorgeous I have wincy cameras 🔭📽 on Ebony and kya and a few selected trees around to keep an 👁on you.

    How are you feeling beautiful lady, I'm always 🗯 of you.

    I checked to see if it landed.

    I hope you're eating well drinking plenty of water and getting as much rest as you can beautiful friend.

    I'm hoping we could go for a walk in the not distant future, gotta get my bot right then we could start for MH and of course physical, what do you think sweetyheart.

    I worry about you Grandz.

    You really do matter to many. You're needed too. Live you very much gorgeous lady. I'm posting in one of my out of bed times. Can't bear being so exhausted.

    See you soon bbl at mine precious friend 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝

    2 people found this helpful
  28. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    7009 posts
    26 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy, Deebi, Tess and all reading,

    Hey Grandy, I am really impressed you were able to get the lawnmower going again! Our seems to play up on me frequently but works well for my husband!

    Grandy, as hard as it is, trying to be with other people is so beneficial for our mental health...says me who likes to disappear from the world now and then!

    This week I am planning to go attend a craft group I have not been to for a month. Even if I go for an hour and look in the library for books, I will have achieved so much.

    Is it possible for yo to go to the volunteering for a short period of time?

    I do understand Grandy. I went to one of my volunteering places and only lasted 15 minutes before I literally ran out the door. The next week I stayed the whole allotted time as someone else drove me there.

    Sounds like you are keeping yourself busy Grandy! It is lovely to have achievements. Today I plan to do some housework and gardening.

    Wishing you all a day where you can look back and find things to be thankful for.

    Cheers all from Dools

    4 people found this helpful
  29. Peppermintbach
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    26 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

    How lovely that so many of your friends and supporters have been here to gently hold you up. I love the conversations that you have here with one another :)

    I feel your fears and apprehension about getting too close/attached to your WW worker and MHN...I feel it’s partly because you have been let down a lot in the past...I know there is a lot of sadness and hurt there...

    I hear you fears and sense your nerves...both are very real and valid. But maybe I’ll just ever so gently suggest, if you feel the WW worker & MHN are worth it then maybe take a chance on them?

    Take a risk...by “risk”, I mean maybe let them in (only if you feel you can trust them). I know that there’s no guarantee if they will stay or leave. But to be fair, I feel that applies to any kind of human interaction/relationship/dynamic whether it’s marriage partners, de facto partners, friends, even family, acquaintances, etc...

    I suppose my point is there are no 100% “full proof” contracts or guarantees in life, and that perhaps it’s about daring to take that risk...risking the possibility of being let down, but also risking the possibility of finding a beautiful source of support and nurturing too...

    It’s something that I’m personally learning. Offline, I’m not very good at letting people in. But I’m looking for people that I feel that maybe I want to take a chance on...risk losing and/or gaining with them...different circumstances to you, but similar principle...maybe. Have to find the people first in my case though ;)

    The sanding sounds great! Also, I love how thoughtful Betty was with the crystal making book.

    That sounds really nice...I’ve seen some free online tutorials for making crystals. So maybe you can look those up too...

    Gentle hugs and love,

    Peppy xoxo

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Ggrand
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    26 August 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paw 🐾, Mrs Dools🌷, Peppy🍀, and all🤗.

    It took a while and all my strength to get the spark plug out, I finally done it and cleaned it..I only done the sections that needed doing..I’m taking it easy bbff..don’t want to get caught on little winsey camera😁..

    I understand and thank you Mrs Dools about being with people..it’s just really hard and not wanting/able to on saying that I’ll be going in to volunteer job tomorrow...Other not coming in so just me out back..I can hopefully manage that tomorrow...

    Peppy...I want to trust these two people so much..but mhn say she was going to ring me Friday morning..WW said she was going to bring me the styrofoam boxes on Friday..neither did what they told me..it hurts when people say their going to do..then don’t...Mhn said she was going to find me a psychologist..she hasn’t...3 weeks now...trusting is very hard...why so you are going to do something then don’t?....I’m scared to take the risk of opening up more..if they or one left me..I would feel so let down and abandoned again..

    I have only Betty here..now she has her young granddaughter (13) living with her..I really don’t want to bother her...she is so busy now....

    Deebi..honey I would love to go for a walk with you once you have healed 100% then a bit more....Please try hard not to worry about me...I’m getting through each day the best I can...I’m okay...I’m eating when I’m hungry and drinking water...resting to much atm..I think..but motivation has run away...again...I’ll have to get on my 🚜 and find it😁..

    The Crystal set has so many bottles of different things, plus colours for crystals..and lots more...Maybe later I will give it a go.....Still got a lot of sanding for my walking stick...One day I’ll finish it...

    I hope are all okay and has some light in your lives today and every day...

    Love you Deebi...always and so much..🐻🤗💖..

    Love and caring hugs everyone...💖🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼

    4 people found this helpful

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